A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so here's my situationI'm with the love of my life and she's the bestest person ever and we share and talk about everythingEverything is great and i truly care for her and miss her and always think about her and she has the same feelings for meBut I've been moving around a lot for the past year and i've come to the US for college and it can get quite hard living without herSo here's the dilemaWhile in my country i was living away from her for a while ( right before coming to the US) and at that time there was this girl and we began talking regularly and meeting and things heated up and we ended up getting hot and friskythis went on for a month and then i left my countryHere in the US i have a friend whom i'm staying with (we're roommates) and initially she was really mean to me but later confessed that she liked me and wanted me. i kept ignoring her but one day we ended up having sex while drunk and then things got weird. we went on with the sex for a while but then the guilt got too much and i called it quits, though those sparky feelings emerge from within her now and then and all this while i kept telling my girl friend how much i loved her and it was true. I still love her. We're in an amazing relationship even though we're so far awaywhat my dilema was that why DID i cheat?I don't get iti'm quite confused
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male
reader, JustinNki +, writes (30 December 2010):
 you couldn't control lust with love.
:( ive been cheated and cheated on people. its not worth it. at all.
if you really loved her and had respect for her you wouldn't have let your D**K take control of you.
sorry man, but you gotta tell your girl and move on, either with her or without her.
thats my opinion.
hope it works out. :\ your young, if you like random sex then DO it. just NOT with a girlfriend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): You cheated because that's how you are, meaning your instinct is to have sex with many women. That's not a bad thing, per se, but what people get bent about is that you have that instinct, flow with it, but yet still tell someone you're in love with only them. In other words, people don't like it because it involves lying.
The problem, I have learned becuase I'm just like you, is this: It is possible to love many women while being in love with just one. I know, I've been there. You feel the need to have sex with a lot of women, and you like the variety of it, but if the world was going to end tomorrow and you could only pick one human to survive with you (the classic "last girl on earth" analogy), you would pick your girlfriend.
I completely get you, and I suspect you get it too. You've been taught by society that this is wrong and that's why you feel guilty. And it is wrong, becuase you're lying to your girlfriend.
The way to deal with your psyche, and not be "wrong", is to tell your girlfriend, and any future girlfriends you start getting serious with, that while you can commit to a single emotional relationship, you cannot be monogamous and you know that because you've tried. This will run a lot of girls, most of them actually, off, because many people, girls in particular, prefer monogamy. But when you find a girl that you love, that understands you're going to have the instinct to play now and then but you'll be home to her afterwards, you and she will be happy without any guilt.
Just remember two things: Always practice safe sex; and never have a double standard. If you can play, so can she.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (30 December 2010):
 You cheated because you wanted to. You cheated because you could. There's no need to psycho-analyze it, this is actually quite simple. You're trying to over analyze it because you feel guilty and wish you can come up with another reason other than you simply had an opportunity and you took it..... over and over again.
As others have said, long distance relationships are difficult. Very difficult. In fact, I've said many times before here that the only way a long distance relationship will work in the end is if it is no longer a long distance relationship. People need to be together for things to work.
But the anon. replier below is correct. If you REALLY cared about a commitment with your girlfriend you wouldn't have given in. The truth is, you wanted to have sex with this other girl. Being drunk has nothing to do with it. Especially since it happened more than once.
The problem is, guilt stopped you from having sex anymore with this other girl. Guilt shouldn't be a reason. You either want to be faithful to your girlfriend, or you don't. It's that simple. So you have a choice to make: You either want to be in a long distance relationship with this girl and ONLY this girl, or you don't. Unfortunately things are greatly changed now that you have cheated and you've got some even more difficult choices ahead... such as continuing a long distance relationship built on lies and cheating.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Perhaps you cheated because although you love your girlfriend you can't express that love physically whenever you want because of your long distance relationship with each other.
I don't tolerate cheating that's a deal breaker for me, but I don't know your gf so if you want to work things out with her then you need to either:
A-Tell her you cheated, but you still love her and want to make things work if she is willing to help you make them work.
B-Break up with her and move on to someone who is closer to your location because obviously you are trying to fill some sort of void here.
If you love her so much then why did you cheat? Why didn't you stop with these women before it went too far? Do you love your gf as much as you think you do? Maybe it's time to reevaluate your relationship with your gf and if you can handle not being close to her physically. Are you ready for a long term relationship? You're are young, in my age range, so are you ready to be committed to one person right now?
Good luck man. And seriously consider telling your gf. She is going to be devastated but everything happens for a reason, you need to figure that reason out.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2010): How can you say you love this poor girl???
I dated my last boyfriend for almost 4 years, 3 of which were long-distance, and as far as I know neither of us cheated on the other. It's called restraint. Not to blow my own horn, but at least I did the honorable thing - after months of soul searching finding myself incredibly attracted to other men and feeling chemistry with my current boyfriend, I called it quits. Cheating is for those with not enough respect for the other person. If you love someone you put their needs before your own.
You need to be honest and upfront with your girlfriend or live a life of guilt until she finds out (and trust me, things like this always come back to haunt you).
Good luck, mate.
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A
female
reader, madasshell1 +, writes (30 December 2010):
Only you can answer that. Was it a heat of the moment type ordeal, or was it premeditated? Are you sure you wont do it again? You are relatively young so perhaps your not as ready for a committed realtionship as you think. It will be hard for you to suppress your desires for other women with you being so young and inexperienced, thats not to say that you dont genuinely care for and love your girlfriend. Your curiosity led you to explore another female, but your conscious stopped you (which is a good sign). Maybe you needed that validation, or confirmation that you were really serious about your girlfriend. Perhaps you were subconsciously testing your feelings for your girlfriend, if you can look at it that way. Now if it happens again, then I would get alarmed and then perhaps re-evauate the relationship with her, spare her feelings and call it quits before cheating becomes monotonous and someone ends up getting hurt.
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