A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There is a girl in my class who in see at least twice a week who seems really polite and quiet but I don't know how to approach her. As I'm afraid of being rejected. She once approached me and a couple of friends and asked in a very polite manner for a lighter. Sometimes I swear she's staring at me whenever I speak.The reason why I'm afraid of being rejected as I had a bad experience with my previous crush where I read too much into but then she started to lead me on by dropping hints for me to ask her out and then rejecting me twice. What made it worse was the fact I lacked the confidence to speak to her in front of her friends but she also didn't making an effort to approach me in front of my friends.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2011): It's taken me a long time to come to this realisation and the sooner you do the better or else trust me you'll suffer for a long long time. Most people are inherently nice and will at the very least hold a conversation with you!!!
Take the chance go and talk to her but dont be wierd about it just smile and talk about something you have in common ie your course you'll get the feeling as to wether she does want to talk or is uncomfortable if she is fine like most others have said at least you played the game and took a chance the one time it all go's right believe me you'll be so glad you did it!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I think even if you are honest, yourself and not puffed up, boastful, and just sweetly say 'hi, care to go for a Pepsi (i'm a Pepsi-holic) and chat?' works fine.
I would take most young mens offers for such a thing as I was raised, no dating until 16 years, and even then, no long term dating. So my GFs knew this about me (thought I was an odd bird but I was blessed to avoid all their dating a guy for a week and cry when he broke it off with her because they wouldn't sleep with them FUN) and told the Guys that liked me that is all they need do.
I had fun, got to know many young men, made some friends, held hands with others, kisses a few on the cheek.
That is how dating should be and really, when seen like this, whats the pressure?
Don't play games. We women can smell those.
Genuine, honest, real. Always.
Sorry that one Crush of yours was a senseless Twit- we are not all like that. The ones that aren't, we better appreciate you Shy, Sweethearts.
;)
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A
female
reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I know how you feel~ After starting at uni, every friday I had a lecture mixed with another course and the first week i noticed a boy who intrigued me instantly and that i thought was extremely attractive. I'd found out that we had a lot in common too. I was desperate to talk to him and each week i never got an oppertunity to, just looked over at him longingly.Then 4 weeks ago, we were leaving the lecture hall and i held the door open for him and smiled at him, then we were walking in silence next to each other and i wasn't going to say anything as i was nervous, but i forced myself to say a comment about the talk we'd just had and we just bonded instantly after that. We added each other on facebook that night and the following day we met up and by the end of the day we were going out. :)If you don't talk to the person you like, you risk not getting them at all. I was really worried about making the first move, especially as it's out of character for me, but I'm so pleased i took that chance. You can't give up until you've tried. She may really like the fact that you've made the first move as she could be shy too. Just try to become friends with her first then move on from there :)Good Luck ^_^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Let me guess, you're one of those guys that will sit there and imagine all day what it would be like to date that girl, stare at her longingly across the room and one who thinks taking it slowly and getting to know what your chances are before you make a move are good ideas? Well they never are.
Don't take this the wrong way but you need to man up. There are loads of things wrong with what you're doing. Firstly you crush on girls. That shouldn't happen and I'll tell you why and how to prevent that. Secondly you're scared of rejection, when never actually doing anything because of that is a far worse thing. A wise man once said I don't regret the things I did in life only the things I didn't. Finally you're a "sign" reader and they are always open to misinterpretation.
Let's tackle the crush thing first. They should not happen because as soon as you like a girl you should be in there and asking her out for coffee or a drink. This is one of the positives things about rejection, you get closure and your mind won't develop a crush on a girl you've tried to get and didn't succeed.
Your fear of rejection is completely illogical and is something you can only overcome by actually trying. There is nothing wrong with rejection, it can suck for a little while and I've been rejected plenty of times but I'd rather be rejected and feel pride that I tried than be the guy who never took that risk, then gets to sit back and watch as that girl gets cosy with a guy who was willing to try. The trick is to get it out of the way early before your mind has a chance to really like a girl. Rejection sucks a lot less when you try early and are not emotionally invested. The longer you leave it, the greater the mental build up, the more doubt is allowed to creep in and the more nervous you make yourself. Seriously man, what is the point in letting that happen?
You see doing all this also gets rid of the whole signs thing, the only signs you need that work is when she says yes when you ask her out. You can slowly get to know a girl, hang out with her a lot, take her smile as a sign, take her laughing at a joke as a sign and spend ages trying to read them and waiting for the "right" moment all the while other guys may step in or she may just think you're either not interested in her enough or just not the kind of guy who will go get what he wants. If there's one thing I've learned is that women want a guy who knows himself, knows what he wants and is not afraid to go get it.
Forgive me for being crass but you're "putting the pussy on a pedestal." You're over-thinking things and letting your mind build up an idolised view of your target girl. There is nothing special about women, they're just people like us. They have the same needs, fears and desires as us and believe it or not they live for us guys. The feminists may like to disagree with that but girls your age, live to be chatted up, approached, desired and asked out. I'm in a college at the moment that is filled with thousands of girls your age and their main focus and attention in life is boys. Any woman that says when she was your age boys weren't a big thing for her is lying.
Even being asked out by a guy they're not interested in is a good thing for girls so even in rejection you should not feel bad for trying. That is why they get dolled up and go out dancing after all.
As far as this girl goes stop beating around the bush, stop reading "signs" and make it happen. Because that's how it works. We pursue, we take control and we try it on, that's what girls mean when they say "swept of my feet."
Next time you meet her, strike up a conversation get to know what kind of things she likes etc. If you want to ask her out tell her your heading to a gig that's on and would she like to go with you. Or ask her to meet up for coffee or other fun thing. Don't be afraid to admit you're asking her out on a date if she says it and if she says no, then so what? You tried and can move on.
As far as confidence goes, that's easily fixed, just talk to women everywhere you go. You see a beautiful girl sitting beside you on the bus, at the bar, in a queue, outside smoking, just start talking to her about anything and everything. Pretty soon you'll realize there's nothing magical about them.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Dude approach her when shes alone and DO NOT say jack s*** about her looks. She knows shes attractive she doesnt need another guy to kiss her arse. Your approach? Tease her. Break the ice by sending her a neg which isnt a compliment or put down. You said youve caught her staring at you? Bring her out on that and say hey i noticed something funny when i see u staring at me..ur nose looks like a cartoon character i was into when i was a kid. Then wink at her or show some body language sign ur being playful. Dont be nervous. Gather urself. Nervousness sends out vibes ur not confident. Dont be that old me pal youre better. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Well getting over a fear of rejection is never easy. But as the cliche goes, you'll never hit a home run (get a number or date) if you don't step up to the plate (if you don't try). And sure you may strike out a lot (get rejected), but even the great baseball hitters of all time, struck out more than they hit home runs.
What you have to learn is how to modify your approach- and go to every girl that you approach with the same confidence that you had approaching the last one. Believe in yourself. And if things don't work out when you attempt to talk to the girl you're speaking of, keep your head up, brush yourself off, and say "hey, at least I tried. And wouldn't have to wonder later on in life, 'what if'..."
Here's some additional reading that may be beneficial for you:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/need-a-confidence-booster.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-approach-a-girlthe-right-way.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what--women-want-most-from-a-guy.html
Good luck!
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