A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I am in love with a woman, but lately I have had feelings that can only be described for lack of a better term as a crush for another woman. I love my girlfriend of 3 years, but I cannot deny the feelings I get from this woman whom I have just met and have been gradually talking to for the past month. Are these feelings natural to have when in a long term relationship or should I look into them. Its not a sexually based desire for this new woman, it is a crush. Advice is greatly appreciated
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (4 March 2009):
 Sorry if you thought I meant you had cheated; what I actually meant was you shouldnt continue talking to this woman in case you do cheat.
With regards to your latest update, then no it is not wrong if you look at other women and have sexual thoughts/fantasies about them, as long as you do not act upon them (and it is probably best not to tell anyone about them either!).
Looking at women and having sexual thoughts is not a bad thing and it is pretty normal, just make sure you never cross that line where you go from just looking to striking up a relationship with one, like you say you have in your question. While talking seems harmless, it often is not as the other person may be developing feelings for you.
If you are happy and committed in your relationship then good for you and I hope you continue to love her and show her the respect she deserves. That "new" feeling is often over-rated, that newness wears off whereas when you have found true love, that can never fade.
I hope this helps!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have never cheated on any gf, and i dont plan on doing so now. But you have made me realize by simply talking to this woman abut other things than day to day topics I have questioned my relationship with my gf of 3 years. thank you for the advice, it is appreciated. lately between my gf and i there has been talk of marriage and having children, and sometimes i do not know if that is where i want to go with this woman. I am 23 years old and the profession i am getting into will not allow me much time to meet a life partner. I just dont want to be in a relationship that i feel i dont want to be in. I love her, she loves me, we love the itme we spend together, and these feelings i get from this other woman just feel new and fresh. Now my question is simply, having loved this woman for so long, is it ok to look at other women and just wonder what it would be like with them on a sexual term and perhaps more than just sexual terms?
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A
male
reader, Helpful_In_Ohio +, writes (4 March 2009):
 I think you need to re evaluate what you have in your long term relationship I agree with K c100 The feelings are normal to look and even dream of doing and talking ect. to another woman but the difference between a real man and a man that Other girls call "DOGS" are, if you are true to one or become a dog in heat when the feelings hit. You love your woman but what i get from your post is that you have already started to talk to this other woman? Not A good start man. Be a real man and "STOP" trying to have your cake and eat it too. Not to mention the feeling of let me see if i still got it. Listen if you did not have it anymore your woman now would have left you already !
Just Stop Before You get to far into this " Platonic " Relationship and ruin a Real Loving one. Be a stand up guy and not a lay down dog its not becoming and you will just add to that stereo type that most men are dogs ! Come on wake up and Stop The Bad Decision . . .
Helpful_In_Ohio
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 March 2009):
It is fairly normal to be attracted to other people while you are in a relationship but it is not normal to act on this.
If you love the woman you are with now, and respect her and want to continue the relationship with her then you will not pursue this other woman any more.
I think the problem lies in that you have been talking to this other woman - this is not acceptable in a long term relationship. While being friends with someone is fine, when you got to the stage where you realised you are starting to have feelings for her then you should have cut off contact with her.
Now you need to decide who you want to be with. Do you love your girlfriend and want to stay with her? Or has the spark gone from the relationship and you are no longer happy, hence why you may be looking else where?
Make your choice and stick to it. If you do not want to leave your girlfriend then I suggest you stop talking to this other woman and work on your relationship with your girlfriend. If you want to pursue this new woman then end the relationship with your girlfriend first, dont ruin the 3 years you had together by cheating.
I hope this helps!
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