A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm not really sure if this is a question, i just need some advice on what i should do. I'd appreciate your input.I'm a lesbian it's something I've never hidden about my self, i'm feminine and a flirt and some times it gets misconstrued. I'm also a nurse, 8 yrs ago i took a post at the local hospital i fitted in ok but there was the usual jokes and uneasiness to begin with. I worked a couple of shifts with a very well respected nurse, who was also a midwife, we were about the same age and got on great. With her seal of approval everyone relaxed and i was accepted as part of the team. Needless to say i spent a lot of time with the senior nurse and we became firm friends and i began to fall for her. She was then and still is married to a wonderful man who loves her and their children completely. The more time i spent around her the more i wanted to be near her, shes has an aurora of calm and control about her that makes you feel safe, but at the same time she's willing to take a risk in order to make a difference. She commands respect but is always approachable. And she is truly stunning. Our friendship grew stronger and when she fell pregnant the last time she asked me to be godmother to the twins. It was an honour.That was five years ago, our friendship is stronger than ever, but i am still in love with her. I've tried to have relationships of my own but i always nit-pick and find fault with my girlfriends. My friend's husband was diagnosed with liver cancer at the end of 2007, the prognosis is bleak and the cancer has already spread to his bowel. He is dying a slow and painful death and each day a part of my friend dies with him. She nurses him part time as part of the palliative care team and works as a midwife for the remainder of the week, she says it helps her focus and keep it together. During this time she is relying on me for support i do this gladly but it hurts to have her so close to me. Last night we fell asleep on the sofa, she had her head in my lap it felt so good but it took all my strength not to touch her skin or kiss her neck. I have no desire to hurt her and i know she will never feel about me the way i do about her. I don't know how to control what i'm feeling i can't ask her to stay away from me nor do i want her to, but the last thing she needs is me confessing my love and shaking the foundations of our friendship. Please help. x
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male
reader, Paladin  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 It's too bad that so many people are so judgemental. To me I don't really understand gay life but I do appreciate that everyone has the right to feel as they do. As I read your posting it didn't appear to me as though you were looking for suggestions as to how to approach this person but more using your posting as a way of venting your feelings in a harmless way and actually I applaud you for that. You already know this would be a terrible time to share your feelings with your friend and there may never be a right time. It appears you have a small circle of friends and used this site as a way to simply let it out. I suggest you enjoy your friend for what she is, a dear friend. You are far from alone in the world when it comes to someone having feelings for someone they may never be able to partner up with and I believe you already know that. Restraint may not be easy but you have done well so far and keep doing it. Your friend certainly does not need any more pressure in her life than she already has and I doubt you want to take the risk of hurting her. Also you should remember your friend know you are gay and has trusted that you and she can have a relationship without you infringing your preference on her. If you do come on to her she may well feel like you have violated her trust. Since she is well aware of your sexual preference, should she ever feel the same for you as you for her I am reasonable certain she will let you know. I believe this is one of those situations where you will simply have to wait patiently to find out. In any case you have found a dear friend and that should be enourmously comforting.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): I am sorry, but I find this post actually quite horrible and a bit disturbing. But then realised that you have no plans to act on anything which is good.
It felt to me, like you are waiting in the wings until he dies so you can get your claws in. I apologise if I am incorrect as it is not a particularly nice thing to read into your problem, but shivers, it screams through that this is about your wanting to have a relationship with this lady and are using the friendship inappropriately.
She is vulnerable and about to loose her husband and your only thoughts about how you are in love with her and are having difficulties with your emotions. It is not clear that she could have any gay tendencies! Your just a girlfriend. I didn't understand what you meant by her being able or prepared to take a risk to make a difference? What was that all about?
In a way this is like any other crush, infatuation or longing for filling your empty heart. Do not misinterpret her vulnerability at this time and decide how you are going to handle all these misplaced emotions. Until you resolve this you will always find it hard to be with anyone else. Equally your place in her life is not a romantic one and the sooner you find a way to handle that dissappointment the sooner you will be able to move on and get something real. You would be a shit if you pulled back now so have more consideration for her than yourself at the moment. Then I suppose you just need to get over it!
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Keep your feelings inside, all she needs right now is a freind. I can understand how hard this is for you, but the only thing I can say that WILL help is to break away from her. You haven't even had a serious relationship because you focused on this straight women, you need to move on from her. The best thing you can do it back off, try not to be too touchy with her and start seeing other people, stop comparing them to your freind! It be hard but distance will be for the best
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