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female
,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my Boyfriend for 2 1/2 yrs and we are supposed to be getting married next year. A couple of days ago I slept with another man! I now dont know how I feel and I can't bring myself to look at him. My b/f knows I met up with this guy but he doesn't know anything happened as i told him it didn't. I dont know what to do with myself - i feel like i'm going mad. The thing is that i cant even say that i dont regret it - i really like this other person and i know that he has feelings for me too, but i also really love my fiancee and dont want to lose him. My best mate has told me i need to make a decision but i just dont know! Theres no reason for me not to love my partner - everything is good now although it has been bad in the past but we have worked so hard to make it work.I know that he cheated on me in the past and i let it go, but i know that he wont do the same. I'm scared i'm going to end up losing them both.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2005): i want to build a cordial relationship with my boy friend who promisd me marriage how do i go about it
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): I have been in your shoes and know the questions you are asking yourself. Here is my advice. I chose to realize that my fiancee and I are a great partnership! Sure I had feelings for the other person but I also realized that I had not invested time and feelings into this person in the same way. You need to ask yourself this. Do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that things would be the same if not better with the other man? If you cannot answer this than I would stay with your fiancee. On another note however, if you can so easily question your relationship you may be meant to go back to singledom for a while.
Once I answered these questions for myself I was able to realize that I love my fiancee very much, and he adores me. We understand and communicate quite well with each other. We want a life together. A lie that I can keep is worth it for a lifetime of happiness.
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A
reader, becky05 +, writes (27 July 2005):
Your friend is right, you need to make a decision.
I also think that the right decision wpuld be to end things with both of these men, at least for the time being until you decide what it is you really want and whether you wil be able to stay faithful in any future relationships.
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A
female
reader, charliesgirl +, writes (23 July 2005):
What a difficult situation for you to be in. My sympathies are with you!
However, you need to look at what's happened in your life recently. Despite stating that you love your fiancee, you have been involved with another man. It's not even as though you've accidentally met this guy in a bar and ended up sleeping with him, you've actively gone out to meet him, and whether or not your intention was to sleep with him, it did happen. You are showing no remorse for your actions and you have already started lying to your fiancee. This would suggest that you are certainly unprepared for marriage and a lifetime committment to this man. If you are making wedding plans, please stop! The fact that you've run into another man's arms suggests that there's an underlying problem in your relationship that needs addressing.
Maybe you should take some time out, away from your fiancee and this other man, just to give yourself some space to decide exactly what you want out of this situation. You have more choices than just Man A and Man B, you may even decide that you are better off being single for a while so that you can decide what you need to do with a clear head. Obviously if you've been in a relationship for a while the prospect of going solo is terrifying, but after the initial hurt it can be very liberating and character building.
Whatever you decide, don't keep stringing these two guys along or the situation will only worsen, not to mention your peace of mind.
Best of luck
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