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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I want to get back with my ex but he said he wanted to be single for the moment but why does he go all gooey eyed on me, when Im talking he smiles and grins at me (half time is in a world of his own), contacting me all the time, playing footsie with me. Telling me Im beautiful,talking about he and I marrying and having a family together, buying me really expensive gifts (etc). I sat there in complete shock - couldnt believe he felt same. I was just speechless out of sheer happiness and disbelief. Then he laughed and said he was only joking (twice he has done this now)!He asked for us to talk about how I felt. But I couldnt believe he'd laughed. How cruel a joke. Knowing I really like him.When I reminded him that he wanted to be platonic he went quiet and never spoke.How can I broach the subject again, because he doesnt flirt with me anymore. I really love him to bits!x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): Ok, more information that is helpful....he told you for two years that he did not want a relationship with you, but when you lose contact with him, it makes him contact you even more.
What you have here is a guy who is a committment phobe, and his passion only grows for you when he thinks he can't have you, committment phobes only feel comfortable in the infatuation stage of romance which is stage 1 or 2...there are about 5 stages to a long and lasting relationship which is what you want with this guy, right?
Unless you want to feel forever like a yo yo and be stuck in the non intimate, game playing, infatuation stage of romance where you feel all giddy but really don't have a deep connection, then I think you might want to consider changing your phone number....that is up to you though how much you really enjoy this man's attention and withdrawal when you respond....I think it is a waste of your time and emotional energy and worse if there are things that get your heart thumping over this guy, it won't thump for anyone else, like a more mature and emotionally available guy....I know his type, he will marry someday to a woman who is somewhat submissive and will look the other way when he either decides to cheat on her or give some other woman the attention he should be reserving for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIve tried losing contact but it just makes him contact me all the more. He seems to get keener the more busy I am.
But still he doesnt buck his ideas up. Up till a month ago he spent 2 years telling me we'd never get back together (no ifs ands or buts). So I lost touch for 5 months and when he finally caught up with me ....3 weeks ago the game playing began.
He texts me all the time now. Point: HE NEVER TEXTS. I asked him why he suddenly texts as well as calls and his reply 'I always used to text you'. Yes he did. DOH! When he was dating me though.
How do you tell a man you dont want to play games and an honest answer. Without looking like 'the pushy female wanting to corner him for a decision' ???
x
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A
female
reader, DeeDoc  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 Honey, why are you still playing footsie with your ex? Maybe I am missing something here, but, once burned shame on him, twice burned, shame on you. I say keep the gifts and you put a smile back on your face and move on. Apparently, he is playing with your emotions. That is so not right. Please do not give the opportunity to laugh again at your expense. There is a whole world of wonderful guys out there. Good luck to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): Wow, something weird is going on here, he may just be scared of the idea of commitment, noot just to you but to anyone....I think if I were you, I would completely back off and be very hard to get access to, make him work for it and then he may start appreciating what he is about to lose....don't call him, don't go out with him if he asks because you have a fabulous funciton or a date to go on, be busy for a month!
You know he will be back, he sounds like he has an ego and it will drive him nuts that you aren't fawning all over him....I would be pretty miffed at the way he is treating you because he is teasing you to see how you feel about him and then not stepping up to the plate and being your boyfriend like he is leading you to believe he feels that way about you...if he doesn't step up, I would ditch this guy and move on to someone who is more mature and ready for the same thing you are, but it is your choice since you love him to bits.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has alot of 'commitment issues' so I think it is probably down to this.
He doesnt play games normally. But the way he looks at me I know he genuinely means it. Then when I was silent (to be honest out of shock) he laughed (but again didnt seem a genuine laugh more embarassed). But why I dont know ?!?!?
x
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (7 January 2007):
 this guy is playing with your emotions, how can he say all those things like getting married, having a family, telling you how beautiful you are, then laugh and say he was only joking, and twice.
He is out of order and he knows it. He knows you are crazy about him and is relishing watching you face light up when he tells you all these nice things, then probablly enjoying the disappointed look on your face when he laughs and says he was kidding.
I know its harsh but i would ditch this guy soon and find a man who treats you with the respect you so rightly deserve.
All the best of luck hun x
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A
female
reader, Sazza13 +, writes (7 January 2007):
hmm, its a tough one maybe its because he's scared of commitment? perhaps he just wants the attention of you? or sex? its hard to judge the guy and give you advice because its your life and you know him best, how about you ignoring him for a bit and see how that plays out? to see if he really does want you more than a friend, to see if he misses you wanting him? and realises just what he's losing.
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