A
male
age
30-35,
*illow90
writes:Okkay this is my story.I'm sorry if its long but I just need adives on how to handle all thisI were 11 years at the time when for the first time I got to know my cousin, in the first few hours I were super shy because she was beautiful for being 12.The days went and we started hanning out a lot when she was on this trip to see us - basically she lives in america and I in europe. Every day we would go out on the backyard with our siblings and play hide and seek from the early morning until late mid-night our parents went to sleep and we were out playing hide and seek.We continued being together and the bond got bigger when every minute, when were at the zoo it got even bigger and we were so happy being little kids seeing animals. Now we knew it was only a time until she would fly back to America.The night before she was flying back home we were in my room and we were first talking how much we would miss each other, honestly it was me for the most time because she taught me many things that I will never forget in my life. The last 5min in the conversation was incredible but what I remember the most is that I looked her in the yes and said “I promise that one day I will be in your house whatever it might take, you have my word on it and I keep every promise I make” She was like I believe you but when is that going to happen she said. My simple answer was “When the time is right, cuttie, and I smiled” Cousin “Okayy handsome I will be waiting that day” Before everything could end I got near her and I felt the connection but because she is my cousin and I don’t want problems with my family I changed my mind and kissed her on the cheek, keep in mind I never kiss my cousins neither does she. Now last year after that I promised I would return to see her it had gone 9 years since we even talked(I didn't have her email), we got together but we still saw each other as cousins but this time we were young grownups so still if we saw each other as cousins we still had that feeling that everything “clicked” between us. When I sadly flew back home I started feeling bad, two things had started happening;I fell in love with her and I missed her so much. Time went and we chatted all the time I started missing her more and more until I got a complete teardown, I had got into the phase of depression I started having blackouts, couldn't eat/sleep, lost 12kg in just a month (november). Was homesick in 4weeks and couldn’t do anything and she supported me all the way until it finally was over in December, she was dedicating her life just for me she was nearly going to travel to me just to see if I were alright, but I said let’s just hope I see you next holiday.No one really knows about the love we have to each other. Only persons who is on track to discover is her sister and mine sister. First of all we chat A LOT and her sister discovered that, secondly when I wasn’t home my sister “accidently” was on my Facebook and saw a big part of our messages. She was mad and curious about all this because I haven’t told her about us and now she demands a REAL explanation because she was never with us when she were in Europe she was in asia so it kind of makes sense she wants to know what we did the 2 weeks she was with me.The bad thing is that every time the discussion comes up in our family if someone is going to marry a cousin the silence come to my head when they ask me if I would do it. The only thing I say is “You never know, your heart chooses” My siblings were actually disgusted about what I said and they see me in another way than them self.So there you have it, my cousin really meant a lot when she came on that trip it COMPLETELY changed my life, she taught me so many things about life, most importantly that you should never give up. Even thought if we never develop a deep relationship we’ll always love each other and she will always be a part of my life because that time we had with each other is my biggest memory and inspiration for LIFEI am planning on a trip this upcoming holiday to spend the time with her and I can't wait until I see her again.But to the 2 main questions: 1. If it develops into a deep relationship how should we handle it 2. What should I plan for the holiday with her.
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male
reader, willow90 +, writes (20 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is really painful right now knowing it's a 50-50 figure, but since I want this to make us happy the decision is in her hand.
What ever she comes up will be the best since she is the girl her, but I just hope it will just be a experience to not forget as I really want to see her right now, it's painful to not see her when I miss her so freaking much.
I guess if it doesn't work out then we will always still be cousins meaning we will always see each other on family reunions.
If things are here to stay they will if not I will have to find a way and move on
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (20 January 2011):
Hi. After this next phone call in March, then you will have a pretty good idea of where you both stand.
Finding out where you stand is really what you want to know.
Once you know that, then you can move forward with your life in some direction.
It's painfully difficult not really knowing, but anyway March is not that far away. It's only a matter of a few short weeks.
Also, waiting till March, is giving her a reasonable length of time to think about everything.
In the meantime, stay calm and try to relax and not dwell on it too much.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (19 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI can see that there is a possibility it might not work for obvious reasons but if we get together I would finish my major degree there and that is in 1year so do we get together I will be there 2years after that really depends on how things did go.
If we love each other and want a future together then that is what will happen if we don't then it would strike me hard but since its probably the best if it happens then there isn't so much to do.
Yesterday I did walk around the park and this time instead of sheding a tear I stopped and just realized what I have done to myself no eating, no sleeping, psychological help I mean everything bad that could happen already happend so what am I doing right now.
But I will call her around mars and just talk it over and calls don't cost to much with the right contract it gets as lov as 20c a minute.
That call will be the thing that changes everything.
Thanks for the help I just needed to talk it over
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (19 January 2011):
Hi. Like someone else said recently, you really can't control who you end up falling in love with.
I don't think you are a freak feeling this way, but what I do think, is that you have put all your focus on your cousin and no-one else. Consequently, no other girl you meet really gets a chance to shine.
I'd almost go as far as to call it obsessive compulsive behaviour. Because in a way, it is a type of obsession, as it seems to completely consume you at times, to the exclusion of all else. It just takes over and then you isolate yourself from other people, and can think of nothing else but your cousin. It is unhealthy in that way, really.
Do you work? If so, that gives you some time away from home where you are doing something to occupy your mind.
At the moment, it would be much better for you to be without anyone, in the romantic sense - nor trying to find someone else either.
You have no choice at the moment, but to wait until if and when you do decide to fly over and see her in a few months time.
Have you given any consideration to the possibility that it might not work out the way you hope, with your cousin?
As unpleasant as that might seem right now, it is something you are going to have to think about in the future. Because of how things are between you both now - you are having a break from contact - there is the possibility it could happen.
It's possible that your cousin might either -
(1) Not contact you at all.
(2) When she does call you (in a few weeks or months), she might say she doesn't think it can work out.
(3) She might email or text you to say the same thing.
I know that what you want is probably to be a girlfriend and boyfriend type relationship, and then later, marriage.
But what if your cousin does end up having real issues about you being cousins, and just doesn't believe it's right, or the distance concerns her? Then you will feel shattered. It's possible.
The main problem you both have, is not so much that you are cousins, but more the distance between you.
This distance is something you do need to consider very seriously. It prevents any relationship from really happening. Cousins or not.
She's probably going to keep living in Canada and you will probably keep on living in Europe, where you do now. This is your biggest barrier.
What will you do?
At any rate, nothing can happen until you see each other again. If you do go over there, well one way or the other, you are both going to know within a couple of weeks how it's going to go, and whether a relationship between you has any kind of future.
I suggest that because she mentioned a break from contact for a while, that you wait a certain time before you decide to contact her.
I suggest you wait up to 2 months (or 1 month minimum), then if she has not contacted you by that time, you could email or call her or text her to find out what's happening with her.
Speaking to each other on the telephone is by far the best choice. Text her first to ask - "Can I call you? I want to talk about things." Just a short message like that.
As far as the cost of overseas calls is, choose a time that's cheaper for you to call her, but that she will still be up and not in bed.
When she answers your text saying yes or no or whatever, then go from there. Don't have the talk you want to have via text messages, that takes too long and misunderstandings can happen, and you don't want that.
So from now on, you have some patient waiting to do, then some serious talking. The talk needs to happen before you even think about flying over to see her.
Some kind of meditation or relaxation exercises would be good for your mind right now, to help you stay calm and at peace with the world.
Good luck. Take care.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (18 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEven thought I am trying to fill my brain with other things a picture comes up in my head day in and day out and I really love her more than anyone on this world.
It is just so depressingly hard to not talk with her I really think it would work out between us but for that I need her full comitment to not care about her friends and family the same goes for me.
I really can't describe how much I really love her more than a family member I just need the time to build it up bad thing is we are miles away from each other. I just want to see her and just spend the rest of my life with her but I guess patience is the key.
p.s don't get freaked out because I am like this I don't know if that is normal for guys, but if you see me aa a freak please don't
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A
female
reader, lovinghimmadly  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 hi! i think you really love your cuz. you've spent years & no decision has been made. maybe you both should talk about the issue, ( your love) then take steps fwd or away. think if it really worth to go fwd with your love. you both are torturing yourselves waiting & not taking action. i have a more difficult situation & i posted my q but i know i'll have to make a decision or i'll spend my life frustrated, bitter, unhappy. if you can't stop loving each other, what are you waiting for? pls, don't you feel like 'status quo'? ah, be careful at talking with people who knows you, knows your fam, that could be a double edge sword.... you have the answer, just go for it! best of luck!
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (18 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant that every girl I talk/see just gets compared to my cousin I don't want it to happpen but it just happens.
I don't want to forget my cousin but she keeps being in my mind.
About telling my family about it wouldn't be the best at the time, even thought it may feel lonely its better than telling them about everything.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (18 January 2011):
Hi. It probably feels so alone for you, to keep all this to yourself.
When you say other girls "get in my head", what did you mean by that?
Did you mean that they just don't compare to her?
If not, in what way?
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (18 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry double post as of now the date is pushed for holiday 2011 up to holiday 2012.Main reason being I can't live in her house when it doesn't feel right with time we will build up all again hopefully and in fall 2013 I can start my major degree and go from there since I will see her at least once a week then
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (18 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo actually tell my parents and siblings would have a devastating effect in my mind,,i don't think I would make it without a teardown.I have been trying to go out with friends but girls gets automatically inmy head compared to my cousin so they fall short on that.Crying has been incredible, it just comes out from itself and keeps going for minutes.But to the main question if I would tell them the end would already be here, as far as I am concerned we are having a break, but still it just feels different this time.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (18 January 2011):
Hi. You do have to distract yourself from these thoughts of your cousin all the time.
There is absolutely nothing you can do at the moment, simply because of distance. It's a situation which is completely out of your control.
Are you still going to go and visit her now, or not? Has what has happened, changed your plans?
Well anyway, whenever you feel the tears coming, just cry them all out of you. Even though you will still feel sad, you will feel a little lighter in your heart.
Crying is far better than trying to keep it all inside. That's unhealthy.
As long as you are realistic with your expectations, and don't have false hope then things will flow more smoothly.
Summer where your cousin is, is still a few months off yet, which is rather excruciating for you, I guess.
Do you have to wait till summer to see her?
Even to see her sooner than summer, with the way things are at the moment, might not be a good idea. You wouldn't know what kind of reception you might get. It would be a big gamble right now.
Have a think about it anyway.
At the moment, you can do nothing until she decides to contact you again. Only then can you start to make any plans to see her.
Have you gone out with any other girls since falling for your cousin? Or have you kept pretty much to yourself?
You need to get out of the house as much as you can, to at least be in the company of other people. It's also a change of scenery for you.
The way you feel now, the more you are alone, the more you will build things up in your mind, have all kinds of wild thoughts and make everything seem much worse than it actually is. It will just make you feel worse than you do now.
It probably would be easier if you both lived in the same country. Then at least you could see each other regularly - a luxury you don't have now.
Because I have said that, don't consider for one minute, doing it, because it might be the absolute biggest mistake of your whole life. Especially if it didn't go well.
More than anything else, what you are feeling is loneliness. She's there, you're where you are - opposite sides of the world. Loneliness is very hard to deal with.
We all need people. Which is why your friends are so important - they are people. You need friends and family around you.
Have you or do you intend telling your family about your cousin at some time? You might be worried about that too, the fact you feel you can't share it with anyone.
Perhaps you should. At least they (your family), might help you to cope. It's a big secret to keep to yourself, isn't it? It is causing you so much stress as well.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (17 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually yesterday was really depressing I went out for a walk around the park and after some time the tears just fell down on my cheeks I don't know if it is natural to cry so much but I am really sad right now.
Today will hopefully be better, as far as food goes it not going well the apitite is really gone, don't know what to do anymore.
All in all in general exept these two concerns I think its getting better.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (17 January 2011):
Hi. You're very welcome.
Yes, the short break from each other will give you both time to think about everything.
Just make sure you keep looking after yourself, like I was saying before. Cry whenever you feel the need - you will feel better afterwards.
Also, going for walks whenever you feel uptight.
Whenever you have had a good cry, then you could go for a walk as well.
Keep eating well too.
Just try to stay positive. What will be will be.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (17 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs you say I should just put it to rest a bit and see where things go, I have already cried some times since the call and I really mean cry more than I've before.
I guess it's just feelings and sadness but I will just put it to rest and listen to a sad song she recommended months ago.
Thanks for the help I really want this to work out between us because there is so much right between us.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (17 January 2011):
Hi. I know it's not going to be easy for you, but you will have to take your mind off this situation as much as you can, by living your life - see your friends, having some fun of your own. Just doing fun stuff!!
At the very least, all you can do at the moment, is to distract yourself away from thoughts of your cousin, and how good things were a short time ago - and how different they seem to be now.
Unfortunately, it's a situation over which you have very little control.
So in the meantime, don't neglect yourself or your health. Eat healthy foods, exercise regularly (walking is great), get a good night's sleep every night too. If you do all these things, you will feel well and will be well psychologically, also. Then you will make sound decisions about everything. It will help you to put things into perspective.
If you feel stressed or upset about her from time to time, shed tears whenever you feel like it - when you have your privacy. It will help you to cope also.
Then see what happens in a month or two, while you are having some space from each other.
For now though, try not to think about it too much, as it will only upset you.
It's not the end yet. You are just giving each other some much needed space. This having space from each other, will help you both a lot.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (16 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt just feels different than it was 10 days ago, I just lost something that I will not get back until I talk with her that is my feeling now.
Only thing I really want is to talk with her face to face but I know that won't happen because of the timeframe.
I just can't explain myself of how I feel right now where ever I go or what ever I do I remember her and the time we spent together.
I know this will fade away in some days or weeks but still I haven't really got rejected at this rate by a girl I love.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (16 January 2011):
Hi. That sounds good to me.
Time can change lots of things in life. This break in contact, will really help both of you, I believe.
It might be difficult emotionally, but I do believe it's necessary.
You will both get to find out whether you miss each other, as well.
It might feel like your sister and your cousin's sister have changed things between you, but only in a minor way really. Your feelings towards each other wouldn't really have changed because of someone else's opinion.
Whatever is meant to be, will be.
Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (15 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe came to the conclusion to just walk apart until we see each other, as of now her sister and my sister is really the ones who changed everything. But we agreed to take a timeout and I will stick to that if that means 2months or until we see each other I don't know but what I do know is that in 2months I will get back the feeling that I want to talk with her. So maybe like Mars will be a great time to just start from scratch. These upcoming days/weeks will be hard but I will deal with it because I really have so many things that will determine my future right now and I won't let a relationship that is on hold to let it ruin my future.About her having a boyfriend, maybe that is what have happend but still I just want to talk with her if that is all I will get.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (15 January 2011):
Hello again. You don't really have anything to apologise to her for. You have done nothing wrong.
So for now concentrate on your studies, because your education is important. It will ultimately mean your future.
I know you don't want to think about this, but do you think it is possible she has met someone?
You are both thousands of miles away from each other, it is entirely possible - for both of you really. She wouldn't want to say anything because she knows it would hurt you. If that has happened, she wouldn't even know how to tell you - because she knows how strongly you feel about her.
Another thing for you to think about is, are you sure she feels as strongly towards you as you do towards her? This is something to consider as well. Just to put everything into balance.
It's probably for the best that you are having some space from each other for the time being, it will help you both to put things into perspective.
Now perhaps, a break of about a month or two might really help to work things out in your own lives. Then after that, just see what happens.
Maybe you could wait and see if she contacts you again after that, and what she says when she does.
If it gets to be two months and you hear nothing from her, well you could then text or email her with a short message saying something like - "Hi. Just wondering how you were going. Hope you are well." But no apologies. Then the ball is in her court, because you will have broken the silence. It will then be up to her.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (14 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe call was not even close of what I expected it to be, everything went so wrong maybe it was we who were nervous but it just felt like we were arguing.
After 30min of talking we came to the conclusion to take a timeout it just isn't working. We just ended the call saying see you soon.
I don't feel so happy about but it may just be the best thing to do in this position we are in parts of our life where personally I think education means much more.
The time for when I will see her is pushed ahead for holiday 2011 or summer 2012.
At the time we will have a timeout until we have time for this, it was just sad to say "lets just put it ti rest a bit".
Everything happens for a reason and right now my mind have taken a big step forward - to forget and live the moment.
Guess I will try my best on this and when I see her, first word from my mouth is going to be "I am sorry" defiantly because I am trully so sorry.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (14 January 2011):
Hi. It sounds like you are handling it pretty well and have made up your mind about how you'll go about it all. That's great.
Yes, stay positive. When you stay positive, you attract positive things into your life. It's called the Law of Attraction.
Summer for you will be June, so that's another 5 months from now. Just be patient, it will soon come around.
Whatever happens while you are over there, at the very least you will have a very nice time anyway. You will enjoy Canada, I am sure. I haven't been there myself, but I've seen it on travel shows on tv. It looks gorgeous.
Just go into it with an open mind and open heart to whatever happens while you are there. Try hard not to have any expectations, because otherwise it might spoil your holiday. Just enjoy each other's company, and see how it goes. Don't even talk about a "relationship" - unless your cousin mentions it.
Concentrate first of all, on building a friendship with her. Then over the weeks you are there, just see how well you get along - then go from there. Just play it by ear.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (12 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat may be the best thing to do and actually tommorow I had set up a time and we are going to talk on the phone, guess I am just caring or anything like that but yeah.
Anyways maybe this summer can be the life changer, 2 options: I fall in love with Canada and her or I simply move on.
But only time will tell of what will happen in the meantime I will just try to be positive in everything.
Thanks once again feels good to just take it out.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (12 January 2011):
Hi. That sounds like a good idea, spending the summer with her, which is about 12 weeks or so.
This will be a really good period of time to see over many weeks, how well you do get along.
Just stay positive and keep a completely open mind about it all.
The fact that your other relationships didn't go well, possibly was because they were compared to your cousin - and probably came off second best.
Try not to isolate yourself too much from the rest of the world. At times when you think about your cousin, you probably tend to do that, but in those times, it might be better to go outside in the fresh air and for a nice long relaxing walk instead. Even though you are alone while walking, it will still lift your spirits and make you feel better afterwards.
In the meantime until you leave to go over to see your cousin, still keep in contact and go out with your friends. It's good to be with other people, and it will take your mind off your cousin a bit, also.
Only time will tell what is to be, with you and your cousin.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (11 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOf course I want me to be happy too, I do hang out with friends and all that social but there is always something missing, something that makes me even more happy.I understand what you mean and from my point of view we will always be friends only question is are we more than friends/cousins. I know I should not *hope* that it works I should say it will work because over the course of 3 years every girlfriend I have had ends by it simply doesnt work out between us. maybe the reason for that is that I keep remembering my cousin.I may just spend the summer there or at least try to make it work just to see if there is a girlfriend future or just friend/cousin future.As of now we are not happy but we aren't sad either only time will tell.One thing, I can't really deny that I kind of isolate myself sometimes fron "the other world"
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (11 January 2011):
Hi. If you are thinking of moving over to Canada to be closer to her, it might first be wiser to just see how your holiday goes, that you say you are planning soon.
If you can take a 4 weeks break, and she can also take some time off then you will get a pretty good idea of how things are. Especially when you are together almost 24/7. It will at least be a good indicator of the possible future of the friendship.
The one thing I am concerned about, is that you might be making her your whole world - to the exclusion of all else.
By this I mean that by how you talk about her, it sounds like you are isolating yourself from everyone else and only thinking of her and her happiness. Because for the moment, your life is on hold until you can see her again.
Don't make her happiness more important than your own. You deserve happiness too. I know that you are happy whenever you are with her or talk to her, but what I mean is to have other friends where you live, as well. Don't just have your cousin as a friend and no-one else. It then puts everything into complete balance, and that's important.
The reason for this is, that supposing you go over to see her and after a week or even less, it doesn't work out and you aren't even friends anymore. You would be absolutely devastated!
If this were to happen, you would feel like your whole world had collapsed, simply because you had invested so much in the friendship in the first place.
It's really important that you think about this, because it is possible that that might happen.
The main thing is that you are honest with yourself and your cousin about everything and how you feel, and not just think about what you HOPE will happen, or what you WANT to happen. Because there is a difference.
So because of this, you both need to be very aware of everything involved.
Even if you weren't related at all, there would still be a risk that if you went over there to live, that it wouldn't work out how you both hoped, and then it ended disastrously.
As long as you keep your eyes open and look for the truth in all this, and what feels genuinely right to both of you, then just let your heart be your guide.
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A
male
reader, willow90 +, writes (10 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are probably right and do we come to the conclusion to stay together then I would probably dedicate my life for that.
Meaning if the only way to let the relationship survive is to move to Canada I know that would be rough but I would take that risk.
The biggest thing being that to see her happy is really my top priority so basically if we remain good best friends I will still be happy to have her in my life.
But about the love between us I don't think it will ever disappear, seeing her reactions on what happend to, me she was really scared something serious had happend.
Not even my closest friends cared so much and asked every day how I was.
So I don't really know, it is trully a make or break situation of break up we'll remain strong friends if we don't then I guess I will have to move out as I said I owe her something so this could help take of my guilt.
I forgot to say ten years ago I had a depression time I got medical assistance I 3 years but when she came was really something different.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (10 January 2011):
Hello again. It sounds like a fairly distant cousin, from what you say.
It sounds like about a third cousin.
In any case, only you and her can decide how you would like things to work out over time.
When and if you do decide to go and see her, then will be a perfect time to talk about it more thoroughly.
Even if you decide to make it more serious, there is still the long distance between you to consider.
If you go ahead and become a couple, it's going to be a long distance relationship, because you won't be able to see each other on a regular basis.
Text messaging is ok for a while, but unless there is any hope of ever seeing each other again, you will both become very tired of it and you will realize the difficulties involved. It will be very frustrating and you could end up arguing a lot, as with text messaging, there can often be misunderstandings. After a while, you will both run out of things to say. There will need to be more to it.
For it to work out in any capacity, you would have to be able to see each at least once every week. All relationships need that to survive.
If you go over to see her sometime soon, supposing you stay for a couple of weeks or maybe a month, this will be a good length of time to really get to know each other better and to see whether you actually do get along as well as you think you do now. It might either make you or break you. By the end of the time you are over there with her, you are likely to get a pretty good idea of if you think it could work out long term, or not.
So for that reason, the sooner you can organise to go and visit her, the better. Then at least you will know.
Because until you do, it remains a romantic fairytale - partly real, and partly not.
When you get together again, and see how you relate to each other, then you can plan the rest of your life - with her or without her.
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reader, willow90 +, writes (9 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for double post just wanted to say 2 things I missed.
She is my dads - father - brother- son - daughter. I dont know if its 2nd or 3rd cousin
Only my little brother were in Sweden the year she came my sister and big brother where kn vocation. So the only one who got to know her was me - my little brother was still 6 years and I simply just connected with the older sister.
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reader, willow90 +, writes (9 January 2011):
willow90 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood to see I wraped it up good.
Our connection have always been more than cousins, I asked her when I were on the trip last year that when I return this holiday we'll have a serious talk about all this even if we come to the conclusion that it will not work because of our families we will always have the feeling to each other and to see her happy is really my top priority in life.
After what she taught me about life and the experience we had with each other I will support her on every step she makes because I owe her so much.
She is my 2nd/3rd cousin and about my sister she reallt hurted me I mean I have had millions of times of checking her messages to guys but I have never read any. When she got her presumably first chance she used it. My expression was awful because I promised my cousin to don't let anyone know about this until we knew every detail and how the future would be.
I don't think its infatuation either this something more loving.
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reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (9 January 2011):
Hi there. You are cousins, and depending on how closely related you are, if you were ever to make it a serious relationship (marriage, kids), genetically there could be some serious problems with having children.
If one of your parents and one of her parents are brother and sister, then you are both first cousins.
If you were sixth cousins or more, perhaps it might not be so much of a health risk.
Inter-breeding can cause some serious complications when having children. Birth defects, mainly.
This is something you both really need to have a serious think about.
As you have not regularly seen each other while growing up, because of living in different countries, there is a tendency to not think of each other as family relatives.
Only you know what you both feel, but in reality, it's more likely to be a case of infatuation rather than true love.
In the absence of dating other people, you have got stuck in your memories instead.
By all means, stay friends, but make a life for yourself with your own friends and start dating girls in your own country. It won't be so lonely for you.
Even though you are cousins, and disregarding this fact, what you really have is a long distance friendship. They are a huge challenge to contend with at the best of times, as it's a barrier to seeing each other. It's not possible to fly on a regular basis, at best maybe once a year - and only then if you can actually afford to. Then there's the time taken to go there, plus time off work for the holiday, and then coinciding both your holiday breaks as well.
It's an extremely challenging and lonely position to be in - for both of you, and most people really struggle in keeping it going for any length of time. So this is yet another reality to contend with.
As far as if you do go and see her is concerned, just go out to different places and make it a fun time for both of you. Go out to cafes and have coffee and a catchup, and just see how things pan out.
But for now, just be friends and try to keep it at that (no jumping into bed with each other either), and think about the consequences of it, if it did become a relationship and then telling your families. It would be very unpleasant, I'm sure.
If anything does happen (or if you let it), there's going to be no other choice but to tell your family, because it's going to come out. If you don't tell them, they will certainly work it out for themselves very easily. It won't take long.
It's even possible that your cousin's sister might spill the beans. That's something neither of you have any control over.
In any case, there are so many things to consider - just being cousins, for a start. It's almost like dating your sister! Cousins are very close blood relatives, and it would almost certainly become a serious moral issue for all concerned. This is probably the real reason, you are not completely comfortable about it.
There may even be legal issues involved as well. Something else to consider.
Good luck and best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2011): Right...
You can't help who you fall for.
And it seems that you fell pretty hard for one another.
I mean the weightloss and all those symptoms you described, just because you left her, thats heartbreakingly sad.
I'd just like to say, that your sister has no right to demand anything from you. So what if she weren't there & doesnt agree with something she doesnt understand. The most she'll get out of you is that you went to see your cousin on holiday LOL
If you feel SOOO strongly for this girl and she reciprocates it, & your soul mates, then go for it :)
Why not?
Why wait for the sake of family?
If you feel like its meant to be then dont give up the chance, dont wait until your too old and have grandkids and think to yourself "maybe we can be together now."
Because you'd want your prime years together, not your last years.
Talk about it with eachother, see if you both would willingly be with one another and not care about what others think.
The only problem would be to get your family on board with it unfortunately.
Once you make this choice, theres really no going back on it, whats done is done and their views will be forever changed. But with time they could grow accustomed to the two of you and new bonds will be made.
Sorry i waffled, just this seemed like such a sad story and i wanted to help. I hope i did help a little (:
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