A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend wants a break, but says she doesnt want to lose me for good, hope?Okay, me and my gf have been dating for 4 months (I am 19, she is 17, both virgins). Let me start by saying since the very beginning, i am usually the nice one in the relationship thats texts, calls, asks to hang out, and gets rejected (i dont think i made it challenging enough). Now, she has been very stressed with college apps, auditions, plays, school, friends, and me the past month. She claims she wants a break for a chance to miss me and catch up on everything else and just to see what happens bc she didnt think it would last into college the way things were going and didnt want to hurt me later on. she wants a chance to realize what she has. she said it is NOT to date anyone else. she said she picked to drop me for now out of all of those things bc i am the most understanding. She believes i am the perfect bf (i am) and she is a bad girlfiend (she really is) and ironically i have fallen in love with her but she hasnt fallen in love with me yet. She thinks we rushed into the relationship bc i asked her out on the 4th date bc i was so sure and she never got that chase which she likes to have in the very beginning so she can feel "accomplished." I reluctantly accepted the break after a few minutes of talking and I changed my attitude and took initiative and control and told her to contact me if she wants to see me again bc im done always contacting her first (creating a brand new chase). and right away a lil after that she said she already misses me bc i she saw i was tougher than she thought and wasnt treatingher like such a princess..she doesnt understand whats going on inside and why she wants this (ithink it might be the stress). last night after we agreed on the break, she said she doesn't want to lose me for good and i told her, "thats the risk your taking" (I almost feel like im back in control even though it was her idea lol) ... I didnt hug or kiss her goodbye and after i left she already texted me "I know I'm not going to actually text until later on, but I just wanna thank you for understand and I'm really sorry... you dont need to respond" (Ididnt respond).. I think she is just really confused... do you think there is any hope and am i doing it right? also.. her sister has a wedding next week and she said i am still invited... i usually get rejected for hang outs... should i reject the invitation for once or go to the wedding?and when i reject the invitation, how exactly should i say it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (9 January 2011):
 First let's look at your relationship...4 months of boyfriend/girlfriend and she already wants a break? Something is up. Either she really is stressed and doesn't have the time for a relationship, she's losing interest, or she wants to date other people. Those are the main reasons women throw up the "break" card. Did she even specify the duration of the break or are you playing it by ear? She says she hasn't fallen in love with you yet, but yet she dumps you not giving love a chance. Also, she claims she breaks up with you because there's no chase, what does she think a redo will work? All, I'm saying is be careful..don't be so sure she's going to come chasing back after you. Her reasons for this break are a crock of crap. Give her space, and see how it goes.
As for her sister's wedding, if you're supposed to be on a break(giving her space) then you shouldn't be attending the wedding. Not only will it look a little awkward, it also gives you false hope of you two getting back together.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): maybe you could email her its beter than a txt but before the wedding nd explain you woulgo to the wedding but u understand he needs space for now and you want her to know you want whats bets for her but is still there for her if she needs you, its confusing but i dont think shes given up on you but you dntnna seem too pushy, wait to see if she replies to decide what to do next, if she wants space this would show her you understand and are mature enough to cope with it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 Yes you are going around it the right way dont contact her under any circumstances she wants space and she needs that space to make up her mind and to see what she is missing with you. She sounds very confused but she missed out on that chase and she feels things have moved to fast therefore take a back seat and let her come to you. You have everything spot on so dont text or call her no matter how much you want to let her come to you when she wants to talk.
As for her sisters wedding i think it would be the best idea if you didnt go. All you need to say is that you and your girlfriend are taking a break at the moment and you dont want to go and make it awkward for the both of you. She needs space and you attenting the wedding wont be the best of ideas.
Goodluck.
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