A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went to my grandpa's funeral today and I saw my cousin who I've been in love with for 3 years. He and I got moments alone and finally, I asked him how he felt about me after a failed relationship 3 years ago. I told him how I felt and ended up spontaneously kissing him. He kissed back. He has a girlfriend and he said no. He said it would never happen. But kissing back means something right? But the looks said something else. I tried but can't stop loving him. What do I do? I love him but he doesn't love me. I can't help but feel bad. What am I to do?
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cousin, has a girlfriend, kissing Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Why do we allow our emotions to complicate things? Telling someone we are not interested in them, when they are obviously interested in us, can be difficult. No one likes to hurt others. So when someone tells you they are not interested or are unavailable, they are not sending out cryptic messages hoping you will interpret that they actually want you to continue to pursue them.
He told you he is unavailable. Your gut says the looks he was giving say he is not interested. You heart doesn’t want that to be so, and so you are convincing yourself there is more in the kiss than there is.
You CAN stop being attracted to him and you WILL stop, if in time. Distract yourself with other things and eventually you will stop thinking about him in that way.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (8 September 2011):
 Even if you are not related, he still has a girlfriend therefore he is not available. Move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am adopted so the family cousin thing isn't as relevant.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): I advise you to move on. I mean, at the end of the day he's your cousin so it's not ideal for you to even have such feelings for him. I know it's hard because we don't choose who we fall in love with, it just happens as our emotions take over. It'll be hard especially if you've been in love with him for three years. I suggest you distance yourself and keep yourself busy - this is the only way you are likely to get over your feelings for him.
If you know he doesn't have feelings for you, why did you kiss him? I think you only feel bad because you know he doesn't feel the same yet you made the move to kiss him.
Dony worry, keep your chin up :)
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 September 2011):
Just try and stay away from him and move on the best you can.
Kissing back means he does have some sort of feelings yes, but at the end of the day he has a girlfriend therefore is not available, and he is your cousin also so really he is not an ideal future partner, it would cause a lot of issues with your family and there are a lot of health risks with the prospect of children in the future. He is not the sort of guy you want to be with - there are millions of other guys out there who are far more suitable for you.
All you can do now is distance yourself from him and give yourself time to move on - this means you cant text him, contact him at all in fact, delete him off facebook, delete his email address, keep him out of your life as much as possible. The only time there should be any contact with him is at family gatherings, and even then you should just be polite but dont spend time alone with him.
Moving on is hard, and it can take years, but eventually you will get there, you just have to be patient. But the only way to really move on is to have as little contact with him as possible - the more he is in your life the harder it will be to move on.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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