A
female
 ,
*ennybird
writes:My boyfriend is always trying to make me jealous. One time he was in vacation and he texted me to tell me one of his female friends were skinny dipping. Then when I was like "okay that's too much information for me" his responce was "chill... she's only an A cup.."That really wasn't very reasuring if you know what I mean. I know my boyfriend loves me, and I love him too... but this is driving me crazy! He intentionally does it. And I don't react, which I think bothers him. I'm just not really a jealous person and I know he wouldn't cheat on me. So why is he doing this to me?Should I react and just see what happens? Or keep playing it the way I am, not reacting and yet he still does it. Is there a reason he's trying to make me jealous?
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 I have been through this one and it seems that some men just can't grow up and stop attention-seeking.
My b/f had just finished telling me how committed he was to our relationship and how much he loved me when we were on a romantic night out on holiday, but then proceeded to tell me that he was telling someone he knows about our relationship and thier response was "oh, well, variety is the spice of life!?!
Of course I challenged him straight off and asked him why, after such a lovely evening he would want to ruin it by telling me something like that - and his reply was that he did'nt really know, maybe to 'keep me on my toes'!!!
Add to that, when he was away with his mates on holiday, he texted me, telling me he 'loved me to bits' etc, then in the same text he said he had had 'yet another heavy night, coming home at six in the morning'...'
Again he was all over me when he got back, asking me to move in with him - and I found condoms in his wash-bag!!!
So, I gathered as much evidence and kept quiet about it, even though it still now is tearing me apart, I have to confront him with it.
It is the only way, and if he admits to it, or not, and whether you believe him or not, you have to know - and then, depending on how deep your feelings are, decide where you want to go from there.
Not easy, but even though most people can't cope with someone cheating on them (trust being the most important thing in a relationship), I have decided to give him a second chance, the reason being, I can prove he had condoms, and yes, even went out there prepared to use at least one of them - but have no proof that he has actually used any since I have known him - maybe he was tempted but never actually 'followed through'. I hope in some way that my personal experience has helped in some way, and that your b/f will grow up and realise that you don't need to be made to feel jealous, and that sort of behaviour is just as likely to make you dump him - probably the opposite of what he wants!
Good luck, I really hope it works out for you.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 It could be that he's insecure and feels that if you're reacting (even jealously) to something he says, then your relationship will be more secure. But this is only wild speculation. It's really too hard for anyone to read his mind and guess why he's doing it, so why not bring it up with him?
You don't have to be confrontational or upset about it, but could say something along the lines of, "Was there a particular reason you wanted me to know about the skinny dipping?" He might joke around at first, but if you ask sincerely, it should demonstrate that you know that he's playing mind games, and at the very least, discourage it in future.
With luck -- and if he's a generally mature person -- he might even realise that he's doing something that could be very destructive.
As to rising to the bait next time, don't resort to playing games, just because he is. It's the old saw, "two wrongs..." etc. You'll always be more likely to get an honest answer from someone if you're honest in the way you deal with them. So the next time he tries to do this, ask in as neutral a voice as you can "Why did you want me to know that?"
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