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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I don't want you to judge me here. Please, only reply if you have something to say which could help me out of this mess. I've had a bf for over 5 years, started an affair with a sexy man who's in a relationship too 5 months ago. We made it pretty clear that none of us was willing to leave our partners and that it would just be some harmless fun. Turns out it's not harmless at all as I feel I'm falling in love with this unavailable awesome man. Head over heel in love. The thought of not seeing him is devastating, so that's not an option. I love my bf dearly, but the sex and the chemistry with the other guy is just awesome. What on earth am I supposed to do here? Again, no judjment, please, cos I know having an affair is bad and all that, but I'd love you to just help me if you can. Thank you in advance!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I have been in this situation recently. And i am going to tell you this. How you are seeing this "other guy" behind your mans back is complete wrong. If you do not want to be with him and decide to cheat on him then why be with him?? You are playing with fire. What i dont understand is that you said "We made it pretty clear that none of us was willing to leave our partners and that it would just be some harmless fun. Turns out it's not harmless at all as I feel I'm falling in love with this unavailable awesome man." Ummm that is harm. One of you is going to get hurt and burn..Kicked to the curve. What happen if this other guy does not leave his current girlfriend for you? Are you going to run and jump back into your current boyfriends arms and on top of that look at him every night, and him not knowing that you cheated him. Telling him that "i love you"? Knowing that you hurt him? I personally think you need to tell the truth to both of them. Remember this is going to hurt someone in the long end. Rather it's you, the other guy, and your man. Just be strong and tell them both what it is going on and how you feel. I know it's hard,I have been in this situation. And i hurt the guy who i thought I had those love feelings for. When i really didn't. I love the guy who i am with and he knows everything. Yet he chose to be with me. Now for the other guy he has made up lies about me and hates my boyfriend. Its your call. But just be aware.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): When you meet a man for the first time, it's always like that! The initial excitement tends to wear down into cozy companionship after a while (which I looove 'cause you still get the sex but without the jitters). If you leave your husband, you'll miss him awfully and the "chemistry" novelty of this other man will eventually wear down.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011): I believe that you love your BF but you no longer respect him. You are taking advantage of the fact that he does not know what you're up to. It's time to break it off with him.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 June 2011):
Simply:
Dump the boyfriend you 'love' (who you don't - he's just the safe option/back-up/Mr Reliable), and go for this new guy!
Or at the very least dump your boyfriend.
Don't let feelings of dread at being alone cloud your judgement. If you truly loved and respected your boyfriend, it would never have come to this. End it, let him find someone who will commit fully and move on.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 and this is how my marriage died...
i loved my husband and sex was actually good... i met a man my now boyfriend... and the brain chemistry rocked my world. I let my husband leave me and I am with my boyfriend now.
it was supposed to be NSA/FWB fun and games sex the whole time... and now I'm madly in love with my boyfriend and my 6 year MARRIAGE IS GONE...
but that's because my boyfriend was single and fell as in love with me as i did with him...
you have to come clean with both men. you are lying to a man you love (your boyfriend) and you need to tell him the truth. you may not need to make a choice after that, it may be made for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): No judgement right? My bad!
Since you are not willing to leave your lover and make right this wrong then the only other solution is to get rid of the faithful bf for the cheater.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Eh, really all you can do is ask your lover how he feels about you.
If he still is unwilling to leave his partner for you, why would you continue to torture yourself, right?
Also you have to ask yourself... If he's willing to cheat on his current girlfriend, don't you think it's possible he could cheat on ANY girlfriend?
Why would he suddenly change his ways once he's with you?
However, i will say there is ALWAYS the possibility that, yes, it turns out you two our soul mates. You have finally found each other.
That's why i think you have to talk to your lover and find out where his heart is at and what he really wants.
If he says yes he'd leave his partner for you, then the ball is in your court and you can give it a whirl.
If he says No he will not leave his partner, then i would end it.
Things are getting too dangerous, and someone is gonna wind up getting hurt very badly, be it you, or your boyfriend, or both.
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