A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my current boyfriend for over a year now. Previously, I dated someone for four years, who would technically be the perfect catch. My ex-boyfriend was motivated, had at least two jobs while attending a huge medical university, and has strong family and religious values. However, I never truly "clicked" with my ex, and found myself depressed a lot because I was never on the same page as him, or never felt good enough. I found my current boyfriend within months of leaving my ex. I have never been so happy in my life. This young man completes me, and I cannot believe how exactly similar and understanding we are of each other. I feel like the luckiest person to be brought such genuine and fun partner. HOWEVER... If we were millionaires,I believe there would be no issue, but we are not. I am very cautious with money, and not to sound shallow but I expect my life partner to at least be secure financially. My boyfriend racks up tickets, can't hold or now get a job, has failed county college courses he has signed up for, and resorts to mental break downs when he is stressed out about all of this. (Aside from this he is literally PERFECT-and I am picky...) When he breaks down though, he almost loses all control. He will go as far as embarassing himself or me in public. I would refuse to deal with something like that for the rest of my life. Is this something he will grow out of? Is this a pattern which will be repeated throughout my life? I want my partner to bring me up always and not bring me down ever. Am I asking for too much? I feel if I let him go, I will be taking him and the love that I found with him for granted.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I hate to give this advice, but people don't often change much. And you sure as heck can't change a person against his will or without his own serious effort.
If he's the type that gets lots of tickets, fails classes repeatedly, embarrasses you both in public, and can't hold a job... odds are slim that he'll just wake up one day as a careful driver, attentive student, model employee, and emotionally stable individual.
It has to come down to this: Even if he NEVER changes, would you still want to stay with him. If he does change, awesome. But you CANNOT live your life or plan ahead based on the assumption that he will. So do you want him, even if he'll be like he is now forever? That's your question to answer.
A
female
reader, marder  +, writes (4 January 2010):
 I think you are really lucky to have found someone that you click with so well! Although, money can be a very stressful issue and if you don't deal with it I think it can seriously harm your relationship (if it hasn't occurred already). I agree that he may need some professional help if he is indeed having "mental breakdowns". You may also want to discuss your financial concerns with him. If you feel like he can't/won't make any effort to change then I think that his issues may be a deal breaker, despite his perfectness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Thanks for your answer!
I would never expect him to be "happy" all the time, but however I do expect the man I am with to be able to handle and control his emotions. Therapy might actually be very helpful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): I don't want to sound all lovey-dovey and not realistic but if you really love him then you should want to be with him no matter how much money he earns. But I know that isn't the truth for anybody. Wait a little longer and make sure that he knows that he has your full support and you'll love him no matter what. And if he ever quits and just gives up trying, ask him to do it, not just for himself, but for you. I'm sure that he'll make it one day ;)
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