A
male
age
41-50,
*ndy_2008
writes:Here's the situation.. I fell out with a female friend of mine. She is an au pair and moving soon to a new place and getting a new number. She said she didn't want to talk or meet me again due to us not getting on so well one night, but not really arguing. It seems strange, we were pretty good friends and I don't understand it. It is 1 week since we fell out and I am wondering whether to text her again after leaving it since the start of last week, or, fearing she may move sooner, go and try to confront her where she is living very soon. I just don't want to stuff chances of sorting this out and wonder if it's best to wait and see. I just wonder if I confront her I may be able to talk face to face and sort it out. If I leave it I may only have e-mail contact with her in a week or two. Please give me advice on what is the best course of action to rescue this friendship.
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male
reader, Andy_2008 +, writes (5 January 2010):
Andy_2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did nothing more than be in a low mood and talk about something a little depressing once too much. But the night we fell out, we hardly spoke. It's a total overreation. I suppose you are right, she is not a good choice for a friend. But I always question myself if it's just me or her in the wrong.
The reason I do it is it makes no sense how she's acting, and the thing that really riles me is being totally ignored. I just can't take that. So on principal it makes me want to try and sort it out and do something about how she's acting. Actually just called her, this time blocked my number. She answered and just put the phone down. I think I will just wait a few weeks.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2010): Andy, if she won't answer the phone when you call, then I question if you really want a "friend" like this. I mean if she isn't willing to even talk to you, then she sounds like a poor choice for a friend in the first place.
I don't know what you did, but I think everyone deserves a chance don't you? You deserve friendships that are reciprocal, not all one sided.
If she is going to act like this towards you, really, why do you do it?
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A
male
reader, Andy_2008 +, writes (4 January 2010):
Andy_2008 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for reply. The problem is she won't answer calls, my only options are text, e-mail, other than going round there. I suppose it's best to wait and as you say, just say sorry for what I did and let her think about it, but I just wonder if I'm losing a chance to see her before she forgets about me. Having fallen out with her before, but never this bad, instinct now tells me to just wait, infact we sorted a problem out by e-mail, but this seems more serious. She's very sensitive and often changeable. I think I may text a small message then just wait and possible e-mail what you said, as I can't speak to her on the phone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): Well, Andy, confronting her is not going to make things better, texting is not really appropriate either.
I would either call her on the phone as soon as possible and simply state an apology. So not try to explain why you did what you did, or justify it or talk to her about what she did. Simply say that what ever it was you said or did must have hurt her terribly or she wouldn't feel the need to disappear out of your life.
I would then tell her that is not what you want, and it wasn't your intention to hurt her but apparently you did and that you won't let it happen again. That you understand if she doesn't want to continue the friendship, but that you hope she will reconsider and forgive you.
And then don't pressure to do so. Let her digest things and then really the choice is still hers. You have to act OK with what ever it is she decides.
If at some point in the future and the two of you are back on good terms, then you maybe could talk a little more in depth about what happened so that you can understand why she did what she did and then maybe you could explain yourself if she asks you to do so.
It really doesn't matter if she is wrong or right in her decision about you, not if you want to make amends. You can either choose to confront and be right or you can choose to let it go and be happy.....
Hope it all works out for you.
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