A
female
age
30-35,
*ope
writes:My situation..I met my boyfriend a year ago while while I was living overseas, he is from that country. We ended up getting into a relationship quite fast. Our parents met each other and everything was great. A week later or so, he had to go back to studying overseas. Couple months later, he came back to his home country where I was still living at the time and spent Christmas with me. A few months later, I went to the UK (where he’s practicing law) and stayed with him and we travelled to Europe for almost 2 months. We also met his parents there as they came on holiday so I had 2 weeks with him and his family too. Fast forwarding I had to move back to my home country and then while he was on summer break, he came and stayed with my family for a month. His parents then took me on a holiday and I know most of his family members and friends. I then came back to my home country and he went back to studying. However, the next time we see each other will be in December of this year. We communicate every day, texting all the time and call for an hour or two every night and then skype once a week. He’s a great person for a long distance to be honest because he’s great at communicating. We of course have had our few problems, as all couples. We do love each other a lot. Recently it was our anniversary, so he sent me a huge gift in the mail for me. I do feel we might be moving a bit too fast since he graduates in 8 months and wants me to do 6 months overseas with him while he works and he wants to probably marry me in a couple years or so, so we don’t have to deal with the long distance.I never thought this would occur as I have been so besotted by him. We have spoken so much about our future together, we know everything about each other and we're best friends. I know his friends and he's always so proud to show me of. He does so much for me and I know he loves me to death honestly. We love similar food which we're so passionate about etc. I love him so much that it hurts but I miss having someone there, someone to have sex with, feel that connection with and I truly do think that’s why I flirted so heavily with this guy I saw at a party recently. I just don’t want to hurt my boyfriend at all, that would kill me. I just don’t feel as excited when he texts me anymore, this could just be a phase as it only started about a week ago, after I saw my brothers friend at a party.The worst feelings, I still love my boyfriend and I don’t want to hurt him but I feel the phone calls are getting less exciting, I am thinking about this other guy and I feel trapped too. Obviously it's natural to talk about similar things when we call but I find it's just a recurrence of the same topics, his law, how much he loves me, speaking to me in some cute voice he does. So many thoughts, I don't want to let him down, his family, my own family. I know that leaving my boyfriend could be potentially a bad idea as this friend might not even want a relationship – these are all factors I’m not aware of and could be faced with. I might not have even be faced with this if my boyfriend was here and obviously giving me attention, physically touching me/sexually, me seeing him. What also scares me is that he is picking up on this, he said that in the last couple of days that I don’t seem as interested on the phone but obviously I try and play it off. Also because usually when we ask about each others day, we run through with every day and he asked me why for the past few days, I've been wanting to make my "day story" short but only been doing that to get to the point and not bore him. He complained I don't usually do that and that things feel different.Few differences between my boyfriend and I (not that these are detrimental but thought I'd mention)He is from another country than meThere is no doubt, I won't mention who but one of us is clearly a lot more attractive than the other. One dresses really well and one doesn't. One gets looks everywhere we go and the other one doesn't. He mentions that ALL the time, okay I think you get it. That I'm way too beautiful for him.He is of another race/culture (which beautifully, his family and mine are very accepting of each other so if I were to date someone of another race - I have the best scenario. Also his parents are wonderfully generous.He’s the only child and because of his culture, he wants to live and stay with his parents for as long as possible. I am very close to my mother but.. it’s just a bit different.He prefers to want to work and live in his home country therefore I would probably have to move there to live with his parents in the same house until they pass. This is what he has said a few times but has also been open to us just living privately. He’s accommodating like that.Last weekend I went to a party and the 5 I know (my brothers friends) were there and they seemed really happy to see me, I noticed a few were clearly showing of. One in particular (the one I mentioned that I’ve always felt we might even have something). He is attractive, similar looking to me. He is tall which my boyfriend isn't. While it sounds stupid but I could be longing for this. When he first saw me, he came over and gave me a hug and while we were standing in one room, I could see him trying to look at me but at the same time hide it. Then he jokingly I think (as he definitely would know I'm older than 18) asked me to come out the back with the mates and my brother to play beer pong, he said something along the lines "Come outside, are you even 18 yet?" with a smirk. For most of the night was leaning against me, standing incredibly close, putting his arms around me, talking to me, showing of that he was an Iron man champion which is true. Talking about his job, what his sister does as well since I mentioned I work in dentistry. He then of course showed of his pearly white beautiful teeth and told me how perfect they looked compared to his twin brother who has worse teeth. Showing off again. He was speaking to me about a ray of things such as how racist the work force can be to non white individuals, since he’s the typical tall blonde like me. I vaguely remember us joking about a lot of things. We spoke probably for hours. They were playing beer pong so obviously they were acting like show ponys, most of them but this one in particular. When I told him that I am seeing someone as it somehow came up in conversation, he clearly seemed to have an issue with it. Sort of made fun of the guy and implied he was smarter than this guy I’m seeing. Anyway this particular one that I obviously felt he was very much attracted to me and vice versa, told me at the end that if I get bored of my boyfriend, to message him. He then added me on FB after. We do not see each other that often but when we do, I do feel there is some sort of tension. I gather this is wrong but I guess I latched onto this sort of attention and physical intimacy since I do not get this. The next day or so my brother was telling me the guys was messaging him saying it was so funny how I just threw the ball into the cup when we were playing beer pong instead of bouncing it. There could be uncertainty also since he’s my brothers friend.Where do I go from here? Bit confused to say the least.tl;dr: I love my boyfriend, I sincerely do not want to hurt him. Yet I feel myself losing interest (possibly)? and thinking about another male. I am so puzzled.
View related questions:
anniversary, best friend, christmas, flirt, long distance, on holiday, text, trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2017): Sometime it happens with most of the people. Just think twice and take the decision that won't gonna make you regret.
Many more things to happen.
Be strong and be happy.
Cuz self peace is must.wish you all the luck and strength.
A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (20 September 2017):
LDR relationships are way to painful and hard to maintain.I have been 10 years with my GF, with very long LDR patches.The hardest part of a LDR is the physical touch/sexual part, which affects persons on both ends. Even the highest quality 4K Skype call can't match a hug in person. You go anywhere, and you see couples kissing or things like that, and you feel jealous because they can be together, and you feel like you have a hole in your soul. It's very hard to deal/cope with that, and its definitely not for every relationship, and not a lot of relationships survive that kind of distance.You are attracted to this other guy because he is physically there, and he was able to physically hug you, and possibly because he is handsome. I've seen lots of gorgeous (single) girls on those large LDR patches, and some which are/were very interested in me (I'm not gorgeous at all), but since I'm in a committed relationship, I don't let any of those situations grow into something else/more. It's more of a personal choice, but everybody is different. You don't need to do that if you don't feel like doing so. On my GF's end, she gets the attention of every guy she meets, and many ask them her number, make comments about her looks, bla, bla, bla. I know that she is not fooling around any of those guys, because she is a very honest and straightforward person, and she tells me whenever things like that happen. In our relationship, we are both making the effort not to fall for other persons, because we love each other, and we want to end up together.My point is: if you really love your BF, and you are willing to do some sacrifices, just hold on a couple of months until you get together. Watch porn to satisfy your sexual needs until you both get together. Don't let other men lure you away from your BF. If you don't love that much your BF, and physical contact is a deal breaker for you, then you should move on, close that chapter and start a new one. There is nothing wrong with choosing this option. You deserve that touch and connection; we all need and deserve that. If that long distance and waiting is bringing you down and hurting you that badly, then this LDR relationship is not working for you, and probably will never do.You see, my GF and I live 3 hours away by car. It's not THAT far, and we do can get to see each other once or twice a month. The problem with you, is that you live in separate COUNTRIES, which make traveling more expensive, and Australia is particularly very apart from any other country and continent. If this LDR relationship is not working for you, then you should consider moving on, regardless of who you hurt. When you marry or are in a relationship from someone outside your city, you will always be having LDR patches, and if you can't handle this, you are going to be having a hard time handling the ones that are yet to come.Best luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 September 2017):
 I will say the same again, it sounds like this guy wants to hook up with you, he doesn't seem to be very mature when he is telling you to look for him when you get bored off your boyfriend. I am assuming that you are younger than stated as your post sounds like one from someone who is 18 or 19. Break up with your boyfriend he deserves better. You say you love him but if you loved him you wouldn't be flirting with other guys and saying you are more beautiful that him. You might look prettier but that doesn't mean anything personality is what is important, people loose their looks as they get older but never a good personality.
...............................
A
female
reader, This_is_not_a_dress_rehearsal  +, writes (17 September 2017):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-in-a-relationship-yet-i-find-myself.html How old are you really!?!
Just break up with the poor guy already. The LDR one I mean. Then you can flirt and date and talk to guys all you want. You don't really want LDR guy -- he's just a placeholder for a real bf.
As Denizen said be cruel to be kind and end the relationship.
...............................
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (17 September 2017):
 Sounds as if you are not ready to settle down. Best end your current relationship asap. No-one wants to be the other party in a one-sided relationship. You now need to be cruel to be kind.
...............................
|
