A
female
age
22-25,
*o-one
writes:I'm having serious problem of trusting people.In my childhood,my mom and dad were very strict.Everything I did had to be the best.For example I got punished because I got 99 in math in elementary school.My mom always criticizes me,and when I did something well she would only said "good"in a very cold tone,but on the outside she would tell everyone she knew as if she had been proud of me.As a result,I often thought that I was a toy for her to show.things got worse after my siblings were born1.My mom took a totally different ways to raise them.They could have anything they wanted ,including showing their emotions(there was once that I got angry cause my brother kept bothering me while I helped mom to clean the whole house.I was so exhausted that I could barely stand, but I was thrown out of the door after telling them why I couldn't say no to them)Every time when we argued,no matter who was right,I always took the blame,as the result,my siblings are like selfish and childish prince and princess who are always needy.But my mom's action really affects me.I remember when I was in four grade,I wouldn't go anywhere without my phone or purse cause I was afraid that they would abandon me.So now I'm having difficulty to trust people .Even my best friends don't know my thoughts and my true emotions(I'm have a hard time to show emotions too)Sometimes,I hind myself so well that I don't realize how I'm feeling untill I am alone.And I'm a sensitive person ,so I often get hurt from people around me.What sould I do?
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (16 September 2017):
 Sweetheart, remember nobody is perfect - including your parents. Most parents do try to do their best - whatever they see that to be.
The way you describe your mother demanding impossibly high standards from you and being proud of you in public but not admitting that pride to YOU reminds me very much of my own mother. I believed my childhood to be very harsh and my mother unfeeling. It was only years later that, during a conversation with an aunt (mother's sister) I found out how dreadfully cruel and harsh my mother's upbringing had been and how she had actually done the best she could for us. I only wished I had had earlier knowledge of this as that would have made it far easier for me to understand why she was the was she was with me and to act accordingly.I now know she loved me very much in her own way but had had no role model during her childhood to show love so did the best she could, little as that seemed at the time.
It concerns me that you say you were so exhausted, you could hardly stand. Is this actually true or are you perhaps exaggerating a bit (as we all do occasionally for effect)? If it is really true, then WHY were you this exhausted? Is this a common occurrence? Are you sleeping well? Do you get enough sleep? (Or are you perhaps on your mobile during the night then tired when morning comes?) If you are having problems with sleep, you need to have a word with your doctor. Being a teenager is difficult enough without contending with problems which can be fixed.
Remember, you cannot control how others act, including your parents and siblings, but you CAN control how YOU react to it. Next time something happens which makes you feel hurt, frustrated, angry or any other emotion which drains your energy, try working out how you can turn it into something positive. You sound like an extremely intelligent young lady so I am sure you will soon get the hang of this. If your mum tells you off for something, remember SHE is probably even more tired than you and is relying on you, as her eldest child, to help her. Can you smile, give her a hug, say "sorry mum, you are right and I will go and do it now"? Can you make her a drink without being asked and tell her to put her feet up for 20 minutes to drink it? If you are pro-active in the house and show you appreciate her efforts for the family, she may find it easier to reciprocate that appreciation (leading by example is the best way of teaching). Worst case scenario, it will make YOU feel better because you are being the bigger person - which I feel you CAN be.
Sending big hugs.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2017): My dear, you're going through the rough-spot in your teenage years. No matter how you look at your parents and siblings; they'll all seem awful and mean. You're the only one in the house your parents pick-on. Why is that, you think?
Why would they have two more children, treat them so nice; and treat you so mean?
There's something about teenage hormones that turn parents into a couple of monsters; and somehow they feel the whole world is turned against them.
Sweetheart; parents have to discipline and give you guidance. The have to challenge you, and reward you for good behavior. They don't brag unless they are proud of you.
That's what parents do. If you read the posts from teenagers about their parents; particularly daughters about their mothers, you'd think they were all written by the same girl. That's because at your age, you go through a phase.
You're not having difficulty trusting people; nor are you abused or brutalized by your mother. You're a brooding and moody teenager. Most of the time, it's the writer of the post that is giving their parents a hard time. You're a bundle of hormones, a changing and growing body; with a brain that is changing from a little girl to a young woman.
It's scary, confusing, and hard to understand what you're going through.
You don't always see things as they really are; and you don't recognize your own faults. You only see yourself as some kind of victim everybody is trying to control and making demands on. I've been there. I was once your age.
If you think your mother is cruel and abusive; why haven't you reported her? Why does your father stand-by and let her bully and abuse you? Why do your parents join forces just to gang-up on you? Why do your grandparents, uncles, aunts, and neighbors all sit-by while you are abused by your parents?
Perhaps because no one sees such treatment, but you!
No sweetie, you're a brooding-teenager, and all that stuff about your emotions is part of your hormonal-transition from a little girl to pubescence. Puberty sucks, and it feels like no one in the world understands what you're going through. Least of all, you yourself.
If you would stop turning your own mother into a wicked witch; you'd be able to talk to her, and tell her how you feel. You won't. You're too stubborn. You've shut her out, get jealous of your siblings, and you walk around with a nasty attitude. Claiming everybody is hurting you and there's some plot between your parents and siblings to destroy you. None of it makes any sense. Mainly because none of it is true. Maybe you mom did say or do some mean things; but you've manufactured a whole different story about it.
If only your parents and siblings could tell us their side!
Try opening up and talking to the people who gave you life. Why would they have more children, if they were so horrid?
You only feel hurt by people around you, because you're so shut-off and withdrawn. You snub everyone away. you can't even stand yourself. Living in your own little closed world.
I bet you have a "keep out" sign on your door, and everyone is locked out of your room. You never play with your siblings, and you're mean to them.
You may need some therapy if you feel depressed. No one will know what to do to help you, if you won't even try to tell your own parents who live in the same house. The people clothing, feeding, and giving you shelter. The people trying to love and take care of you. You come to a site portraying them as heartless child-abusers. Somehow, I don't believe it is anything as you've described it.
Try being open and close to your parents; and you'll deal with your puberty and changes a little better. They may even get you some counseling; if there is something you're going through that requires professional-attention. You're not alone, you've shut your parents out. You'll continue feeling like you do until you go to the people who should be the ones helping you with what you're telling total strangers. Whom can't see you, hold you to comfort you; or sit-down to talk with you. That's your parent's job. If you'll show them some love; you'll get some back!
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