A
female
age
26-29,
*urt4life
writes:I am 22 year old, who had or have a relationship with a 42 year old man, and a 5 months baby boy. Since we started he has been lying and cheating on me, but i always forgive him, i feel that i can't take anymore, i am so depressed i feel i should get help, the worse think i have never cheated on him.....He cheated with his Ex Wife, He always talk with him Ex's, have embarrass me all the times, call me name and disrespect me with no reason, has prove to me the any girl the open the leg he will take it~ When i was pregnant he was never there for me, i spent my pregnancy in my mother house, plus i am still living with my mom. He comes once a week to have sex with me, with no responsibility, when i ask him question or explanation about his act, his answer is we don't have anything....For the past three months we did had any sex, because i am tire of been used, i love him and i want a future with him, but he don't seem to realized that. He confess to me by ,me pushing him so much to tell me the truth that he found a girl, in the Staten Island boat, who was very horny and invited him over her house, he went there had sex unprotected with her, after that he claimed had sex with her in two more occasion but protected, also admitted having sex with 2 other girl he met in the same location, but protected... I am really afraid don't know what to do, he don't seem to have control of himself, i love him, but what can i do, to help him be a better man, and realized that my son and i, we need him.Thank U
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Wow.. Your situation sounds similar to mine but my son's father is 4 years younger than me. He's wacked out and lies about stuff, tries to come sleep with me.. He's mad because I wouldn't rush into a relationship with him once I found out I was pregnant. So he acts confused and every other month a new story. This month he has a new girlfriend and is all of a sudden in love. I don't have time for that. I'm packing up and moving out of state. This is good for me as he won't be able to play the mind and sex games. I've told him to only deal with me on terms of the baby.. Because I'm tired and I can't take no more of his games. So I say to you start fresh... Get away if u can. But like the others said you can't change.. So you might as well stand up to him, set boundaries, and have hope in your future. No one deserves to be treated like crap. Good luck. I know I'm leaving, even before I go, I'm separating myself from him. I'm not to be used. Have a great day. Hopefully I helped somewhat. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2012): Wow.. Your situation sounds similar to mine but my son's father is 4 years younger than me. He's wacked out and lies about stuff, tries to come sleep with me.. He's mad because I wouldn't rush into a relationship with him once I found out I was pregnant. So he acts confused and every other month a new story. This month he has a new girlfriend and is all of a sudden in love. I don't have time for that. I'm packing up and moving out of state. This is good for me as he won't be able to play the mind and sex games. I've told him to only deal with me on terms of the baby.. Because I'm tired and I can't take no more of his games. So I say to you start fresh... Get away if u can. But like the others said you can't change.. So you might as well stand up to him, set boundaries, and have hope in your future. No one deserves to be treated like crap. Good luck. I know I'm leaving, even before I go, I'm separating myself from him. I'm not to be used. Have a great day. Hopefully I helped somewhat. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2009): you should love someone for what they are, not who you hope them to be.
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female
reader, Steph8707 +, writes (29 July 2009):
I truly understand your pain,I just recently found that my baby's father the one that I stay dedicated to for four yrs. has had another baby with his first baby mama.I am crush I mean he lied and lied about it,we even went to her house together so we could confront her,that's how far he took the lie.Obviously she didn't answer the door but he had me so convinced even after I wouldn't let it go.How could he do somthing so spitful I'm so hurt about it.Fuck him though I'm letting him go plus I havn't even heard from him in two weeks.He don't support my son anyway I mean he loves him and claim him and everything he's just a deadbeat no job,felonie,ect. the list goes on.You are much better,we are and we don't have to deal with thier bullshit.I know it hurts like hell,and I know he will try his hardest to convince me but I not taking him back and he will feel the raft.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): I really feel for you as i was in exactly the same position as you for 9 years. My partner cheated, lied, treated me like dirt and when we split up he would still come to my house for sex but then tell me that he didn't want me back, but he was my babies father and i loved him. It was only when i decided enough was enough and i wasn't going to let him treat me this way anymore.Firstly having unprotected sex with other women and then having unprotected sex with you is wrong. He doesn't know if any of these other women have some kind of disease and he obviously has no concern for your health as he is more than willing to have unprotected sex with more than 1 woman at a time.Secondly if he says nasty things to his ex wife about you or lets her say bad tings about you and he doesn't defend you then he obviously has absolutely no respect for you.You are the mother of his baby and whether or not he wants you he should still respect you.He treats you this way because you've always forgiven him before and he knows that he can get away with it because you have a weakness, (you still love him) but he obvioulsy doesn't love you otherwise he wouldn't treat you this way.You need to realise that you don't need him as he did nothing for you whilst you were pregnant or since you've had the baby, you have done everything yourself.You need to realise that whilst you continue to let him treat you this way, he will not change.Ask yourself if you want your son to grow up like his dad and treat women like his dad has treated you.Be strong and tell youe baby's dad that he can come and visit the baby but there will be no physical contact between the two of you. Don't weaken or let him sweet talk you in to sex because its obvious that he only wants sex from you and has no real feelings, if he did he wouldn't treat you the way he does and he wouldn't of cheated and lied.You ARE stronger that you think and if you prove that you are strong and won't give in to his demands of sex then you will realise that you are strong, you deserve better and you will be proud of yourself. You can't change him and if you keep running back to him, his poor treatment of you will never stop.You are unhappy and he makes you feel this way, ask yourself this question, How long do you want to continue being unhappy for??Let him see his son but there must be no physical contact between you and him.Set a time for him to come and see his son, if he comes outside of this time scale then just refuse to let him in. Set rules and boundaries and don't bend then for him at any time.Sorry to be so long winded but as i said before, i have been through this and since i told my ex "NO" and made him realise that he only comes round to see the kids, i am so much happier and even though my ex destroyed me emotionally, i am alot more stronger emotionally and mentally than i ever thought possible!!!
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reader, Hurt4life +, writes (19 May 2008):
Hurt4life is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all of you, who took your time to reply back, they are really hard times in life that u need someone to listen to u, he is a great father, but is one think i am 100%, how can he loves me, if he hurt me so much, and keeps looking for excuses why we are not together, i will truly pray to God, to help me forget him, i am sure one day i will find someone who appreciate me, and what i do for them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): You say "I love him, but what can i do, to help him be a better man, and realized that my son and i, we need him."
You love him
He's twenty years older than you
He constantly lies and cheats on you
You have a child together, but you live at your mothers
He lies to you all the time
He's tells the truth when he wants to.
He never hides that fact that he sleeps with other girls. In fact he loves telling you just how many people he has slept with and all the places he has done it in.
He's cheating on you
He cheats on you with more than one person
He gets sex from you and other people, but he has no responsiblities
He cheats on you, but it's ok, because "sometimes" he uses protection, and soetimes he forgets.
He disrespects you, he calls you names
He cheated on his ex wife, and now he's cheating on you
You can't ask him question because "you aint got nothing going on
Your not in a relationship, but you have sex with him
You have sex with him even though you don't want to
You went through your pregnancy alone... He didn't support you
Am I the only idiot that dosen't seem to understand what this ladies problem is.
You love him, you have sex with him, your waiting for him to change, because you need him. You like what he's giving you and your son needs contact with his "lying cheating abusive father."
YOU LOVE HIM. Yes that's clear. You give him everything he needs, put up with whatever he does. You are showing him a rare type of unconditional love.
But the way he's treating you, honey you may love him but it is clear that HE DOSE NOT LOVE YOU.
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reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 You are under the impression that if you keep forgiving him and putting aside the fact that he uses you for sex, admits to sleeping around, disrespects you and basically has no concerns for your well being that he will see the error of his ways and change....hellooooooo!!!!
Does he support the child you have together?
You will never change this man so stop deluding yourself!
Get your self respect back and tell him to get lost, life is too short to waste on men who treat you so badly, not all men are the same so aim a little higher next time, you've got 20 years on him, move on and create the life you want for yourself and your son. You do not have to live your life waiting for the attention of this man in my opinion he's not worth it!
Good luck.
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reader, lexilou +, writes (18 May 2008):
 There is nothing you can do to help him be a better man. He will not change unless he wants to change and I dont think he does. He can come round to see you whenever he likes for sex so is just using you I think. He has no respect for you and tells you about other women. I know you say you love him but you have to let him go and find someone who will be there for you and your baby you do not need this man in your life. Good luck x
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