A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Am really confused with the way my ex is acting,i still have feelings for him and have always got the feeling he feels the same way, even more so recently. Could do with some advice-please please help!We split up about year and half ago and have remained really good friends. we were out in a big group a few weeks ago and he started to bring up things we had talked about when we were together(stuff i thought he would forget) when i asked why he bought it up he said it was things he would never forget.He is also quite touchy feely and he looks at me the way he used to, like really looks deep in to my eyes. I also mailed him a couple of weeks ago and told him i would be in the area he works on a certain day and may pop in to say hi, he mailed me back his rota for the whole week with his shifts on them with a message at the bottom telling me i had no excuse not to go and say hi. Thing is i'm not sure if this all means he still has feelings for me or whether he is just being friendly. I'm feeling so so confused by it all. If it does sound as if he has feelings do you think i should try and talk to him about it. Please answer as i really feel as if i need advice on what to do. Thanks. x
View related questions:
my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jezman +, writes (21 May 2008):
 well done
that takes so much courage
i envy you!
i completely agree with you, sometimes friendship just doesn't work because if you stay friends forever then you just wont get over him!
im so happy your doing this
jez x
BEST of luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): So your gonna go for it. This makes me glad. I like what your planning, and I think it will be the best way to tackle things.
Don't worry, we will be here to celebrate your sucess, and we will be here if things go wrong and he makes you cry. Good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice i recieved from you all. I've thought about it pretty much non stop over the past couple of days and have decided to speak to him. So i've messaged him and asked him to go for lunch or drinks(haven't told him i want to "talk" to him about it tho.
I'm just gonna try and casually steer the conversation round to the subject and see what he says, but i've decided that i think it's got to be all or nothing. We've tried the friends thing and it doesn't seem to be working-well for me anyway, i can't just be hanging somewhere in between anymore(mentally and emotionally don;t think i can do it) So if he says he feels the same then great, but if he doesn't, then i think i'm gonna have to tell him i can't keep in contact and be friends anymore. This is probably one of the hardest decsions i've had to make, but one that i can't put off any longer-no matter how much it may hurt.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 From the way you describe about him ,
he is definitely interested to connect back with you .
He is giving you the chance .
Communicate with him and be direct as this is the only way he can understand.
If you are shy , get a third intermediary to talk to him and find out where he stands.
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): I'm scared it will ruin the friendship but on the other hand i guess i'll never know if i don't ask and i would probably regret it for the rest of my life just wondering what if....plus i'd drive myself nuts!
Be brave, this can't go on. Go on do it, do it tomorrow. I wish you well. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, jezman +, writes (18 May 2008):
thats strange. you say that it was just out of the blue...but hes still giving off signals that hints towards him still having feelings for you. if he really does have feelings for you still, maybe theres a chance that he will pluck up the courage to start the conversation. also are you sure that talking to him about this will really risk your friendship with him? i know how you feel and to be honest im in exactly the same situation with a girl at the moment.i think that talking to him will help the situation and its the clear answer and it may even strengthen your friendship. its really great saying that you will but think about where and when. i wouldn't do it in a crowded area. maybe you just need to walk and talk with him instead of making the situation really awkward by sitting down and asking him. just remember that if the conversation doesn't go so well. dont be afraid to change the subject and move on before you both start to say things that you will both regret.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJezman,
Hi in response to your question, there are no trust issues i trust him completely and vice versa. He broke up with me completely out of the blue i didn't see it coming..and neither did anyone else for that matter-was a big shock to everyone. He told me a couple of months later he was off travelling, i knew it was something he had wanted to do and would never have stood in his way. I think that is way he ended it, although he never actually said that. I know i have to say something but it is so difficult, the advice on here from everyone has been very helpful, it's just plucking up the courage to do it, i'm scared it will ruin the friendship but on the other hand i guess i'll never know if i don't ask and i would probably regret it for the rest of my life just wondering what if....plus i'd drive myself nuts!
...............................
A
male
reader, jezman +, writes (18 May 2008):
i have two friends in a similiar situation :S.
however they're both open about they're feelings yet they cant carry on with their relationship because of trust.
my friends broke up for a reason and do you know that you have sorted out the reason you broke up in the first place?
this guy likes u bbe and u know it :)
i think you will have to talk to him about it but keep it steady.
best of luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): First of all, do you like him. I know he likes you, he wants you in his life, he contacts you, he tells you where he's going to be. Dose he love you? I don't know, only he knows. Ask him and come back and tell us how it goes.
Your ego (pride) is in the driving seat baby, and it's stopping you from going after what you really want. He's your ex, you finished with him, he finished with you. You were hurt, in pain, you felt rejected, you rejected him, you hurt him. I don't know how your story goes, you didn't tell us, but it dosen't matter.
You know you like him, you know he likes you, your friends know it, we know it. We're all waiting on you. Go ask him, I say ASK HIM, not tell him. GO ASK HIM HOW HE FEELS. Be devious, keep secrets, you don't have to tell him how you feel. You don't want to hurt your pride and have it break to peices on you, it's the only thing that kept you sane after the breakup. ASK HIM HOW HE FEELS. Maybe he likes you and his ego (pride) is just as scared as yours about rejection.
Go on be brave, put on a blanket of courage, make a date to meet him and ask him how he feels. (Don't forget to update us and tell us how it goes, we're all waiting for you)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is all so confusing- some mutual friends have picked up on it all, a friend actually said (while we were both sitting there)that we need to sort it all out as it's been going on for ages. We both went really quiet at this point and didn't really look at each other-he is quite shy and i'm not normally but don't know how to react around him anymore! Also He hasn't been with anyone else since we split up and neither have i realy.
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (18 May 2008):
 You have to meet up with him and ask him want he wants. Yes it is possible he wants you back but you wont know until you ask. x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): You need to tackle this situation right away. I don't know what's going on in his head, you don't know. Stop torturing yourself. It's obvious that he cares, and wants to stay in touch. It dosen't mean he loves you or wants you back. All we can see is he likes having you in his life.
Take a deep breath and gather up your courage, because your gonna put this friendship on the line for the sake of your sanity and mental health. You can't go on like this, it's not fair to you, it's not right.
Your gonna ask him how he feels, your gonna ask him why he wants you to stay in contact. I'm telling you to ask about HIS FEELINGS. Don't tell him how you feel, your feelings are your secret. Ask him if he likes you or just needs you in his life to support him as a friend. If you like the answer, then you can work on building a more intimiate relationship with him. If not, accept that he cares about you and loves you in a kinda of way. Accept or reject his friendship, the decision is yours. Look ahead 20 years and make the decision. It's your choice to decide if you wanna be crying over this guy or accepting of your pain and moving on to be with someone who likes you as much as you like them.
...............................
|
