A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a month now and things have been going very well. He moved to the city were we live in not too long ago and basically he only has one good friend here. They've been friends for only three or four months. Today I finally met his friend and I really didn't like him at all. I was very surprised on how different his friend is from my boyfriend. His friend is the kind of person who is proud of being overly narcissistic and self-conceded, literarily that was close to being his intro line to me. I can point out more things on how superficial this person is, but let's just keep it to that. Out of courtesy and respect I put myself out there and I was friendly and welcoming to him when I met him so neither my boyfriend or his friend got a clue of how I felt about him. His friend actually told him after we met that he had really liked me. So now my dilemma is, should I be honest with my boyfriend about how I really feel about his friend? I really have a very strong opinion of his friend but I know that me being honest with my boyfriend has a potential of putting a strain in our relationship. I know my boyfriend felt very lonely when he first moved to this city and so that is my only explanation of why he would be friends with such person. Ever since we started dating he has only seen his friend very few times, but I know that he cares about him. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): I have a similar problem with a friend of my boyfriend, so I hope I can help you. This guy in question has a troubled past (his girlfriend committed suicide some years ago) so I understand he can have a bleak image of life, but he has nothing but negative feelings on almost everything. He's what you could call a hater. Even has some nazi sympathies. When I first noticed this I freaked out because I thought about how he could influence my bf. I approached him by expressing how I was concerned about this guys' ideas. My bf told me his story and said I had nothing to worry about. Like in your case, the guy seems to like me as well.I chose to keep a polite distance and hope my bf eventually sees him as he really is. Or maybe I get to see the good in the guy and see why my bf likes him.You don't want to be the girl that comes between two friends. It would really put a strain in the relationship over something that is no big deal. Keep in mind that a couple consists of two people. The rest are outsiders. So unless the guy actively works against you two, there is no harm in your bf having him around. You treat him with courtesy and nothing more. But it is only the first time you met. Maybe he's one of those people who are hard to like at first. If your bf asks what you think of him you can tell him you don't know him too well but he seems ok, though a little self centered.
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