A
female
age
30-35,
*weet Dreamer xxx
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years, but lately we are having a lot of arguments. He has started to become friends with these other guys, at first I kept telling him to go out with them because I didn't want him to feel left out, it meant that we couldn't see each other so much, but I didn't mind, since being with him it's hard to see my friends so I just met up with them. On New Years we were invited to one of these guys party's, and I got to know his mates for the first time, they all seemed really nice! They were even planning to go on holiday together to Magaluf so I told my boyfriend to go and have fun. Later I found out that they were all slagging me down behind my back, apparently I wasn't allowing him to go, but I was the one that suggested that he went, I felt heartbroken that he'd do that to me. Soon he said sorry and we left it at that, then one day he said that he wasn't going to go because he was worried he'd cheat on me! I was a little frustrated that he'd tell me that if he went he'd cheat on me, of course I started getting a little insecure and it caused an argument... After awhile it all settled down, and for his birthday I bought him a PS3. He started considering me a little more after and we planned for a really nice day together for Valentines day, we were going to go to town shopping during the day and go for a meal at lunch and then on the evening he was going to stay at mine to cuddle up and watch some films together, well the day before he messaged me to say that he had work, but we'd see each other after, but it got later and later, it turned out he went to town with a mate and they went to a party in the evening. I was so angry, he didn't even bother telling me, later I heard that he'd been slagging me down again, and he his mates were telling some guys that they were not allowed to talk to me. If I wanted to talk to people then it wasn't down to them to tell people that they couldn't talk to me, it just isn't right... in the end I messaged him to pick his things up the next morning, I know it wasn't right to do it over text but at this point every time I tried to meet up with him he'd ditch me for him mates. He replied with 'what ever' which hurt, it was like he didn't care but then I'd be annoyed too if I got that message from him. At five in the morning I got a phone call from him, I was really unsure to answer or not, thinking that he was going to have a drunken go at me, but then if he did I could always put the phone down. When I answered he just said that he was outside and to open the door, he sounded sober. When I answered he looked like he was in tears, he kept going on about how awful the party was and how he wished he just came back to me instead. He even told me that his friends told him to break up with me and go to Magaluf to have sex with other girls, he'd changed his mind about going in the end. I didn't know what to say, he walked two hours to get to mine and hadn't slept since the night before so I told him to go to bed and have a shower in the morning and we'd talk. In the end I forgave him, but it wasn't long after that I realised that he left when the party was over and it was all just a story to keep me, once I forgave him he kept going on about how good the party was. I felt like a fool. A week later he started going on about going to Magaluf again, I still felt insecure about him going because of what he said, and what his mates said made it worse, we spoke about it and I told him to go, it will make me realise that I could trust him, but later that night he told me that he was coming to pick his things up the next day, I had no idea what I'd done. He picked his things up, and the next day I planned to see a few friends to help me cheer up, but just as I was heading out the door he pulled up, he was meant to be in work all day so it confused me, he asked if we could go for a quick walk and a chat, he said he'd drop me off so I wasn't late to meet my mates. We didn't talk about us, he just went on about how great he felt after leaving work, he then asked if I would just quickly pop over and help him tidy up after him and his mates because his parents were due home from watching a football game and stayed over there for the night. I felt bad for his parents having to come home to a pit and said yes, he then said that he wanted me back and we ended up having sex. The day after I thought we were back together because he said he wanted me, it turned out he was just using me. I felt horrible I never wanted to be made to feel like someone that just sleeps around. I went out with a friend and he soon begged me to go back to him, stupidly I accepted. Then a week later, I went out with a friend to help her with a Media project she had to do, it involved taking pictures to make a DVD cover. My boyfriend was invited but he had other things he had to do and also said he'd only see me weekends, but for the whole time I was there he kept messaging me and phoning me, I didn't want to be rude so I told him I'd call him back when I got home. But when I did get home and called him he red buttoned me, I asked what was going on and he told me he didn't know what he wanted, well the week after his parents are going on holiday, and I was meant to give him some company and stay over for the week, but in the end he told me he only wanted me over for Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday. I was a little disappointed but if it was what he wanted I wouldn't argue. He then told me the reason why he was getting funny with me was because he was jealous that my friends got to see me but he doesn't, I was really angry, so it's okay for him to see his friends but not me?! And he was the one that choose not to see me during the week. Then on Thursday he messaged me saying he forgot to tell me something, he wouldn't tell me straight away so I just thought it was a silly joke he was doing but then he told me he was going on holiday on the weekend I'm due to stay over, I wouldn't have minded if he asked if it was okay to change our plans but it was the fact he just ditched me that hurt, when I told him this he got angry and told me to 'grow the f**k up' he also said he didn't want me any more. Because of the way him and his mates treated me I promised myself that I'd take the PS3 back, he was due to have all his mates over for the Friday to play on the PS3, so I wanted to hurt him like he did to me, so I asked for it back, he told me to 'F**k off' because he spent £100 on games for it, he even threatened to block my number, so I told him I'd just ask his mum for it back. I went out with a friend that night and he messaged me asking if I was better the next day could I go out, he then messaged me after saying it was meant to be for a friend, I just ignored it and after he told me how bad he felt and could he come over to talk, I told him I was out and don't know when I was back, he asked who I was out with but I didn't tell him, he just gets funny about it, I promised I'd tell him when I was home. When I messaged him to say I was back he said he was already on his way down to mine, he didn't even talk to me about everything that went on and he invited his self to stay the night. I had no idea what was going on and I love him too much to leave him so I had no idea what to say. The next day a few friends came over for a BBQ, so I made him leave before they got here to stop them having ago at him, I knew they would after how he's treating me. After it all finished he came over and said he was staying again, he promised me that we'd go out together the next day bike riding because we never do anything together any more and the only time I see him is after dark, I was really looking forward to it, but I refused to stay over the week after because I didn't want to be on his beckon call all the time. But in the morning I found my phone open and a realised a friend messaged me, he'd read it, it was nothing, just seeing if I was okay but it was a guy mate. He left early to take his parents to the airport, but said he'd be back down with the bike at 1. So I went shopping in the morning, and got a call asking if he left his wallet at mine. I got home at half 12, but about an hour later he turned up with out his bike and dressed like he was going partying, I went to get his wallet and seen that he parked the car out back hoping I didn't see it, one of his mates sat in the passenger side, turned out he ditched me again...I love him to bits but I don't know what to do, shall I stay with him and let him hurt me all the time? Or shall I just break up with him? And also if I should break up with him, how do you suggest the nice way of doing it? Thanks Sweet Dreamer xxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 You've taken some great steps, good for you! Come back to us if you waiver or have new love inquiries ;)
A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx +, writes (27 March 2012):
Sweet Dreamer xxx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou for all your advice, I've ordered the book 'walking on egg shells' and I have broken up with him!
Turns out he didn't even stay on his own the nights he said so alittle more annoyed!
I've blocked his number and deleted him on facebook and blocked him on twitter! And I just moved out and got a new job so he has no way of finding me :)
Thank you again to everyone
Sweet dreamer
Xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I was in the same situation you were not to long ago . You have got to keep dignified . You need go stop talking to him . I read the book stop walking on egg shells ! That book saved my life when I had a semi verbal abusive boyfriend who used me in the end
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Its not worth trying to get it back, it will only cause loads of hassle and drama. And Honeypie is right, if you take the PS3 back it would mean you have to give him all the gifts he bought you back.
So just make a clean break, leave the PS3 and get on with your life. There is no point in trying to get the PS3 as he wont give it back easily, so dont put yourself through all the fighting just to get it back. Let it go and forget all about him.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 March 2012):
I wouldn't bother, it's not worth the heartache associating with him. I think you're in too vulnerable a position to handle being around him and recommend you cut your financial and emotional losses and look towards the future--eventually with a hotter better new guy ;).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Sorry,IMHO the PS3 was a gift, from you to him. Unless you also return every present he has gotten you I don't think you can expect the game back - sorry.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 March 2012):
I'd like to know what you think he's done to deserve a 'nice' break up. just delete his number, all contacts with him (like facebook or myspace), put any remaining items on the lawn or porch and call it a day. He knows you're a sucker for him because you rarely call him out on treating you crappily so he knows he can get away with it and string you along every time. this kind of stress is not good for your heart or mental well being, emotional strength. you need to reevaluate what you want in your person because this instability and low self worth he causes is not good for you!
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A
female
reader, Sweet Dreamer xxx +, writes (26 March 2012):
Sweet Dreamer xxx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advise, just one quick question before I meet up with him, shall I ask for the PS3 back, or shall I just leave it? Xxx
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 March 2012):
 He's already broken up with you. You just keep hanging onto him though. He got all of his stuff out of your house, tells you to F off, tells you he doesn't want you anymore,
It's already over! I know he's pretty much your first, but if he actually loved you, there's no way he'd ever let his friends run you down like you found out. Guys who truly love their girls would go ballistic if their friends started tearing down their girlfriends.
Unfortunately, he doesn't love you at all. That's why it hurts you, but he's pretty much done. He wants to live single with these new friends, and that's the end of it. He's treating you like a jerk so that you'll be the one to break up with him so he can look like the good guy.
So, break up with him and be done with the guy, because the relationship is beyond dead now. Staying with him and hoping has no dignity.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2012):
Why are you still with him again? He sounds like an immature brat.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 March 2012):
Why on earth would you want to stay with someone who hurts you all the time? And dont say it is because you 'love' him, love is nowhere near enough to make a relationship work.
You already know the answer, you have to break up with him and stop letting him walk all over you like this because this is just a joke to him. You are a joke in his opinion, he knows he can do and say whatever he likes, yet you always come back. He is playing you and winning - and he knows it.
He doesnt deserve a 'nice' way of breaking up, after what he has done to you, you should simply block his phone number and never contact him again.
But if you are determined to be nice, then meet up face to face and explain that you have had enough of this relationship and it is over for good. Ask him never to contact you again and if he comes round to your house again you will call the police.
Yes that is a bit extreme, but you are a sucker for this guy and cant be trusted around him, so if he does ever show up at your house crying his crocodile tears you need to get serious with him i.e. call the police and ask for a restraining order. At least that will get him away from you!
If you cant do that then ask your family to help you out - someone needs to step in to stop you from carrying on with this guy, so ask your parents to help if he does ever show up. Get them to answer the door and tell him to go away, so you dont have to speak to him.
I understand this will be hard, after all you have been with him since you were 15/16, but this is not a real relationship and you have to get out of it. He is simply using you, he doesnt love you, he doesnt respect you and he doesnt care about you AT ALL. If he did he would never ever dream of treating you like this. He knows you are at his beck and call, he can have sex with you when he wants, you perform maid duties when he cant be bothered to clean up after himself and you are company when his mates are not free. That is not a relationship, that is just a guy abusing a naieve young girl who doesnt know better.
There are men out there who will treat you a million times better than this, you just need to get this parasite out of your life once and for all so you can move on. Delete all his contact details, block his mobile number on your mobile so he cant call you (ring up your mobile phone provider to do this) and ensure you dont have a single way of contacting him if you have a weak moment.
Dont waste another minute on this guy, he has treated you like shit (sorry for the swearing but there was no other word!) for way too long now. Dump his sorry ass for the last time and move on with your life. He is just an awful, awful person and you deserve a lot better.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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