A
female
age
41-50,
*ubaab
writes:MOD NOTE: OP's own titleplease i really need help. i love my fiance more then my life but he just left me today. we were engage alomst three years ago. i hide him about my past . i was victim of rape when i was 11 years old. i did not tell him before our engagement .also before engament he told me he dont care about my past. after our engagement when he came to know that i was not virgen he was mad.he did not believe that i was victim of rape. he thought i had boyfreiend. he started to give me very hard time. i love him a lot . i was always patient with him.i thought he will be fine. infact he started to forget about my past but suddenlly , every thing change.yesterday he called but i could not answer my cell phone. i did not know he will be mad. i had headach so i was sleeping i told my father tell any one who call that i am not at home. i wanted rest. when i was better last nite i called him but he did not answer. today he told me i was not at home and i was cheating him. i cried but he did not believe it.finally , he told me he dont love me he cant take any more and then he left me. in past three years i care for him more then my self. i was not with him like wife but like a slave. the result of my deep love he left me.i dont understand he left me because of my past or because of long distance. we live in two different states in theses three years he tried to find a job here but he could not. .before our relationship he told me he will move to my state but he did not move he could not find any job . i could not left my sick old father here . i cant move to his state with my sick father since his state is cold and its not good for my father health.i told him leave your job come and stay with me we will struggle and solve the problems. he was not ready to leave his job. my life is end. please advice me what i have to do?how i suffer from this pain?some times he was very good with me i remember that time and hurt me from inside.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): I understand where you are coming from - I was raped before we got together, he didn't belive me etc, and we live the opposite side of the UK from each other. He calls me, constantly accuses me of cheating. In the long run, maybe this is probably best. You said yourself that you feel like a slave. Relationships aren't meant to feel that way. Learn to love yourself. Maybe talk to someone about this in person. Good luck x
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 September 2010):
 He's selfish to a point to denying what happened to you. A man with integrity is not going to find a reason to suspect your story. 1 in 4 women in the US encounters sex abuse at least once in their lives. This is not something hard to believe. So does that mean a quarter of women don't find happiness again? Absolutely not! You are better off without him. You need to stop thinking because of one painful experience therefore you are not worthy of love. He probably finds this a good excuse to leave this relationship since he doesn't have anything good to offer you and he's ashamed of that. I feel that you and him come from a conservative, restrictive background. His contradiction about not caring your past and then suddenly minding you are deflowered should show you that he does not have what it takes to support you emotionally, to make you feel good about yourself. Break off the engagement. Cut him off. He's a burden to you. Then build your self esteem again. Share your story with people with similar experience and empower each other.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (2 September 2010):
 Dear Rubaab, First of all leave the rape out of this equation. It has nothing to do with sex. Rape is about power, not sexual pleasure.
You say you feel like a "slave" in this relationship, that's flag #1. Flag #2 is that he's calling you out of the blue from another state and accusing you of cheating just because you did not answer you cell phone. Flag #3 is that you are over 30 but sound like you are well...11 or 12. This is not an adult engagement or relationship. You are never to love anyone more than you love yourself or life - ever. It's not healthy. Is it possible for you to get professional counselling?
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