A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. However last year we split up for 3months he split up with me because we kept arguing as i was abit overprotective. i begged and begged him back he told me no every time said he can never get back, even told me he didnt really love me anymore an told me to move on every time i tried. i was so heartbroken. basically after trying for so long i ended up bein stupid,gettin drunk all the time goin out all the time,trying to forget as i was so upset. this however ended up me bein stupid gettin involved with the wrong guys and i ended up sleeping with someone else. i regretted it so much and i was drunk which i know isnt an excuse for my actions but made me go stupid! this happened in like the 3rd month of splitting up. then not long after my boyfriend sed he'd get back with me but if he hears of anythin of me gettin involved with anyone else then he wudnt get bk. i was cryin for weeks wanted to tell him but i couldnt bring myself to it i didnt want to risk losing him again. i know thats so selfish of me to not say but i love him so much i couldnt bare losing him again. so anyway he found out a few weeks ago,and split up with me. we've argued an then seen eachother argued then seen eachother. he doesnt know what to do. says he wants to get back but cant. then at the minute we've been seeing eachother while he thinks about us. we've been actin normal while he decides what to do. still sleeping together now as if we;re together. i really want him back i cant explain to him enough id never cheat its just that i was so upset an lost an stupid, he told me to move on he told me he didnt love me so i didnt think ther was a potential relationship to ruin. what can i do=?
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a break, drunk, heartbroken, move on, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell after all that, i found out this weekend that he slept with a girl last year when we was split up too! all these months hes been givin me grief for lying an goin with others lad when he did it too an hes lied too! ohh i can forgive an forget cause i can understand we wasnt together we didnt cheat but i just wish he'd give me the chance again. hes now saying that its over eve tho he stil loves me an misses me and says its cos hes just depressed and unhappy. but i know when we're together we r happy! he said he wanted a break to forget about it all an then get bk when hes been travelling for a year so we can start a fresh an be together forever....said we both have to trust eachother not to go with anyone else in the meantime an sed wer boss together etc. anyway now he wont even do that that ive found out he slept with someone too arghh! i do not want to lose him we are so good together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits been 5weeks now since hes said hes gonna think about us again,we've been normal with eachother seeing hw things go everythings goin great for now anyway-not brought it back up and we're happy at the min! even though we are not actually a couple yet because he said he wanted to see how things go first,fair enough because i want this to prove that we can be happy again. show him that we can move on from it and forget. we've been happy so far anyway its just how long does it take to realise ok so we're a couple again! argh. getting fed up,i know i want to be harsh now and just maybe walk away abit and now let him decide but im scared of losing him but i knowwww that i wont its just that push i need to be harsh an make him realise that we should be together now before he loses me altogether!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): he told you he didnt love you or want to be with you. he broke up with you. its not like the next day u ran around with some other guy u werent with him for 3 months it was his lose and if chooses to act like a child now then its on him but its not your fault the only thing you did wrong was not being honest with him and not telling him right away, but the way i see it is he split up with you told you he didnt love you so so what if u slept with someone else. what were you supposed to do wait forever for him to decide what he wanted and how do you know he wasnt with someone else.
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 Break up with this guy once and for all. You can't win with him. He seems really immature and likes to play headgames.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010): Everyone is correct, you didn't cheat because you weren't together and he said he wouldn't take you back. BUT...you lied to him, lying always comes back to bite you in the ass.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): You are right. You were on a break or more like you were no longer with each other so you had every right to see whomever you wanted. However he has the right to put conditions on who he has a relationship with. And in this case the condition is that you didn't sleep with anyone while the two of you were split up.
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A
male
reader, lawguy170 +, writes (2 September 2010):
Girls test guys all the time. You screwed up. You absolutely had every right to het with another guy. You were single. Even so, you can't expect him to be ok with it. You cant tell him you love him while you were with someone else, that just doesn't compute. We have all been there and it sucks, but the right guy is the one where you really can stand up for yourself and him, and wouldn't have done this. I'm sorry that it's coming back to get you in the end, but what if he had been the o e to sleep around while you were trying to figure things out. I doubt it would be easy to forgive. Take time, be there for him, and show him how much you care rather than say it, if that doesn't work, nothing will.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): Im sympathetic to guys feeling retrograde jealousy but this is totally his problem. He told you he was never coming back, what else were you supposed to do?
I can understand he may never be able to deal with it but it is not your fault. If he can't deal with it then you need to break up.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 September 2010):
 You're free to date or sleep with whomever you please. You don't have anymore obligations to him. Get drunk to try to drink the pain away, and you go through some flings. I've been there, hell a lot of girls have probably been through that whether they like to admit or not. What he expects you to not be with anyone else when he was the one that told you to move on? I doubt he has refrained from a fling or two himself. Plus, you guys sleeping together minus the relationship is nothing but friends with benefits plus your emotions are still there. Not healthy for you when you need to move on. This guy is changing his mind saying one minute he doesn't love you anymore were never getting back together to I want to get back together but you slept with someone else. He can't set these rules, you're not his property. Buck up, get a clue to what he is saying and doing to you, and proceed to tell him to fuck off. It's your life you can do whatever you please with it, he chose to no longer be a part of it.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 September 2010):
 You didn't cheat on him. He broke up with you. He told you he'd "never get back" with you. You were single when you slept with someone else. You never cheated! Who knows what he did while he was away from you.
Bottom line, you were within your rights to be with anyone else. So what if he changed his mind and got back with you afterwards? If he didn't want to see you with someone else, he wouldn't have let you go.
You need to stop groveling to him. You're worth more than to let yourself get wrecked. Pull yourself together, YOU decide what to do, and end it permanently with the guy. You can NOT let someone ever have that kind of emotional power over you. He's playing you like an emotional punching bag right now, and you should get out, mourn for the relationship, and get him out of your system.
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