A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:He is so sweet to me, and I love him with my whole heart. But I just fear that we're not meant to be together. While we enjoy each others' company very much, our life goals are so far apart! I'm from the west coast, and he moved here from New York. Now he wants to move back and live on the east coast (which is worlds apart here in the States), but I love it here. He wants many kids, but I want only one or two. He wants to settle down and get married, but I want to continue to travel and have adventures. He's a devout Christian, but I am not a religious person. He is talkative and outgoing, but I am much more introverted and shy. To make matters even worse, BOTH of our families are putting tons of pressure on us by assuming and expecting that we're getting married and making grandbabies for our parents. His parents assume that I just want to move "back" east and get married and settle down. Even more is that we're completely opposite when it comes to sex! I'm a bit of a wild child, and he's just into slow, sweet lovemaking that is nice, but boring!But I love him!What can I do? Do I end it? How do we compromise when everything we want is so opposite from each other!?
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male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (15 July 2007):
 A very interesting question.You say that you love it where you are, but he wants to go back to New York or wherever. Is he worth moving for? Is what you must ask yourself. You say you love him after all, why not try? If it shouldn't work, or if you shouldn't like it there, then you could always move back.My father when he met my mum wanted 5 children. He ended up only having 2. When it comes to actually having children, I think us guys soon change there ideas after actually having a few little monsters running about the place.I don't think, atleast if it's something you don't want yet, that you should settle down and get married. You're still young. If you want to be out having adventures and things, then do it now, rather than rush into marriage. Marriage can hold off for a year or two, maybe longer, and after then I'm sure you will be ready, and then actually WANT to get married.If you accept religeons rather than believe in them, then this shouldn't really be an issue. If you accept his way of life, he should have no complaints for you not to follow it, as that is entirely your choice.Some of these points I notice do sound very normal, this one inparticular, about you being shy and him being very outgoing.There are plenty of couple out there exactly the same as this, and this doesn't lead to any problems in the relationship. You both just happen to be an opposite in this field, and it's normal.As for families, I think you just have to tell them! Stop pressuring you into things, and allow you both to go at your own pace. Only you 2 can make this work, and them sticking their noses in isn't going to help if things are ok between you both.Rather similarly with the Sex; He should notice that you want to be a little "rough" and do something about it. I'd say it would be a pity if you have to tell him before he changes how he works things in the bedroom, but if that's what it has to come to, then I say tell him. If you're only going to be satisfied in a certain way, then you do what you can to get him to make it happen for you.While there are many differences between you both, I think it would be wrong of you to end things now, unless you are freqently telling yourself this, and it's making you unhappy. Happiness is a must in a relationship, and if worrying about the differences is making that too difficult, then maybe it would be best if you part. In my opinion, you shouldn't jump to that just yet if you love this man, as a few of the differences I'm sure will change as time goes on.
A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (14 July 2007):
 I think it's natural for a woman to mold herself around her strong man. You moving to be with him, if it's something you want, well there's nothing wrong with it. Don't lose sight of what you want and who you are. Be real with yourself. You know the right answer. What do you want?
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A
female
reader, MissWalsh +, writes (14 July 2007):
 Well, i think at the end of the day if you love him maybe take that chance.Opposites do afterall attract, the best thing for you to do is take a chance, as you say you are the risk taker of the relationship and maybe this chance is worth taking. Furthermore nothing is forever or finite so you don't have to stick to that one final choice, change is constant. You can always choose to change. And just remember good guys like him dont come about everyday, maybe you could find a risk taker, an adventure, a passionate lover, a wild child, who wants to see the world but will he love you the way you partner does, will he make love to you slowly when you really want that, will he look after you and give you the security you hope for?plus i cant think of anything more fun and exciting than moving somewhere new and starting a new adventure together. good luck and let us know how it goestake carex x x x x x x x
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (14 July 2007):
 I wonder sometimes if a relationship where two people want completely different things can actually work.
Which ever way you chose to go i think in the future there will be resentment from one side, for either feeling pressured into doing something you did not want to do, or from not having done something you really wanted to do.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, 88jane +, writes (14 July 2007):
 opposites attract hunny! but if you are feeling this negative about the prospect of your future together then i suggest you talk to your partner about it. You need to try and ignore the pressures from both families--this is between the two of you and you need to decide between you whats best. relationships are all about making comprimises and sacrifices in order to make the relationship work--you need to think to yourself whether you are prepared to sacrifice your life dreams. Does your partner know how you feel? if not then he mite be willing to sacrifice moving away because he doesnt want to lose you! if you love him and he loves you then you will make the relationship work one way or another--as they say, love conquers all!!The only thing you can do is talk to your partner-sorry i cant give you a better answer hun! mail me if you want to talk more! let me know how it goes! xxxx
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