A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:were both 14 ok his parents are divorced, his mom's in another city while he lives here with his dad who's currently getting another divorce separating him from his 2 brothers; hes having trouble in school his best friend turned against him with a bunch of lies and now me the one person he always talks to, he's not allowed to call so he'll sneak the phone every day just to ask me how my day was and that he loves me for only a minute oh and he also has health problems, hes not ok at all and i won't be able to see him except for once this week for only about 10 minutes at his hockey game that i'm going to, hes so depressed and sick, he's worried about me and my petty problems and yet he's so stressed out so what can i do for him? i mean really i calm him down i love him i always give him support and he knows it but for his sake it doesn't seem like enough, i'm writing him a note that he'll have to read, what's something i can tell him? and next time i talk to him is there somthing special i can say? i've said everything that i feel already, i've expressed as much as my words allowed me im beyond words now really i love him so much...help please?
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female
reader, Emaz help  +, writes (23 September 2007):
 Well whatever you do don't talk about his parents or anything that is putting him down, he wont want to be reminded.
Basically just have a normal conversation with him, help him forget about his troubles.
Also everyone loves smiley people, so when you see him, don't look unhappy.
Then he'll know that you're fine!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionk thanks but my real quistion is what are some things i can say to him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2007): Hi
It really is sad that you two are not allowed to see each other or call. Is there a reason why? Parents often try to stop teens doing or seeing people because of their own fears. Its tough when parents divorce, I have been through it myself. I suggest that, even though you have already told him your feelings keep doing it, keep telling him you love him. Keep supporting him. Tell him how special he is to you and why, let him know you are there if he needs to share his problems, make him feel like the most special boy ever, which to you he probably is. That's all you can do and to be honest most people love to be told how great they are regularly! Then maybe he should ask his dad why you two can't be allowed contact, and try to work something out with him.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (22 September 2007):
 First I want to say, my heart goes out to him. That has to be real difficult going through two divorces, and being separated from siblings. As a lawyer states: When a child is involved in a divorce, the parent's don't need a lawyer they need a psychologist for the children and the problems they caused them.
It's hard when your a child, and at 14, it's difficult to separate emotions into proper categories to keep ourselves sane. You keep being there for him. He needs that support. He seems like a good guy, caring for your small issues, when he's going through so much.
This might be a bit beyond his years and yours but I'll share with you anyway. First he needs to realize, parent's are not perfect. We make mistakes. My daughter for instance is close to your age, she butts heads with her mom, and told me she doesn't understand why her mom doesn't understand her. My answer was, have you taken time to recognize this is the first time you've been a teen, and this is the first time you're mom has raised a teen.
Now, it's wonderful how you spend the time you can with him, and you are there for him as you are, but with his depression, he's going to seek counseling too. I would keep reminding him that he is an individual, and no matter what mistakes his dad makes, he has his power to choose, and to develop who he becomes and the life he chooses to live. His dad's doing doesn't determine who he is going to become.
This might be a bit harder at his age, but he needs to talk to his dad, or by note if he is fearful. He needs to tell him how he feels about what's going on, and to let him know he does not appreciate the choices his dad has made, which have a negative affect on his life as well. And his dad really needs to rethink if he's planning another marriage because with two not working, I'm pretty sure there are behaviors his dad has that are contributing to the divorce.
You also need to keep reminding him, the divorce is not his fault. Kids are not at fault for decisions their parents make, but they seem to take some blame when things happen.
Just remind him that no matter where life ends up taking the both of you, you're connected at the heart and that will never change.
I really do hope the best for both of you, and he is a very lucky person to have you as a friend.
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A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (22 September 2007):
It sounds like you are the only perosn here supporting this poor boy. Of course he's stressed, it sounds as if he's having an extreamly rough time with going through two divorces! No one will know how bad it is going through something like that until you actually go through it, speaking from experience, lets just say its not surprising he's having trouble at school aswell as home. He needs you to support him though, But you can't do it on your own, please, if things get worse, please get him to get help either from another member of family or maybe a teacher, if he wont, then do it yourself. Tell him not to worry about you, don'y let him worry by telling him bad things, stay positive. You will both eventually pull through. But please get help, this is obviously getting you stressed too.
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