A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi I've been in a relationship for almost 2 years.Everything has been fine but now over the past 2 months everything seem's to be falling apart.We still get on and are so much in love,but things for me has got very stale and comfortable.I have suggested things for us to do, places to go and nothing comes of it.I have told them i have suggested things to do and go but nothing comes of it and im getting sick of it and told them its about time they suggested things for us to do.But it hasnt changed one bit we are doing the same routine week in week out.The only thing i can think of is to physically force them to break the routine we are doing but why should i go to them lengths if they cant understand where i am coming from. As i have said the love is still there.But is it enough?as im begining to ger resentment towards them and i dont feel im as happy as i once was. Any advice would be good as to whether i can combat this or as much as i dont want to should i just call it a day? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2007): THANKYOU VERY MUCH FOR THE ADVICE SO FAR :)I have talked this through with him without any distractions a few times.It isnt as if he isnt one for going out as a few of the things i have suggested he has done with his work mates,and i have not been included.I understand we cant be joined at the hip and we need our own space,but i cant help but feel im being took a bit for granted.He is happy to just stay in during the week and only go out Saturday's and that is the same every Saturday.I dont ask for much i suggested going out in the week for a walk and perhaps have a drink somewhere,hardly living it up but its something different and as of yet that hasnt happend,but if anybody from his work place suggests going out he is there.I really dont want to end it and i know i come across as being hasty in even thinking it but i have done all i can to change the situation but he expects me just to put up and shut up otherwise he would of made more of a attempt to understand where i am coming from.I have even told him a relationship is all about give and take and i have took all i can of what he wants and now i feel he should give me a bit of what i need but its falling on deaf ears.I really dont know what else i can do.
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (12 April 2007):
 I have to say that the response you have received from Billy B is very good advice.
I can totally agree with what she is saying.
Sounds to me that no matter what sex your partner is the mundane routine of day to day life may well suit them down to the ground but to say right this is the end is a little drastic.
OK so you say you have tried to talk this through but there has been no change. How hard did you try to talk, did you sit down and tell your partner how unhappy you are right now and have the TV off and no other distractions when you were talking or was it as one of you was about to go out the door to work and it was a passing comment.
I think if you said that you feel you need help i.e. Relate or Couple Counselling in order to sort out your relationship I think your partner would stop in their tracks and realise the seriousness of the problem that they may have been dismissing.
If you try Relate or some other form of counselling at least you can say that you tried everything and if nothing changes after that then you know the relationship is not going to change and then you can make an informed decision.
To say let's quit now is I think a bit hasty without getting to the real root of the problem first.
Are you keen to date other people for the exhileration factor that you feel you are lacking in your current relationship or is it annoying little habits or just a lack of sexual attraction?
There are so many reasons why relationships change over the years and after the first flush as such you do settle into routines but that does not mean that the relationship is not worth investing a bit of time and perhaps some cash in seeking professional counselling.
Always here to listen OK as we all are.
Take care and good luck.
Listening and making your partner listen to each other is the key to any problem.
BFN
Country Woman
...............................
A
female
reader, billy b +, writes (12 April 2007):
Hi
i understand where you are coming from, I have been in a very similar situation myself. And therefore can appreciate your sense of frustration.
It sounds to me that you and your other half do have a strong bond. But is it possible your partner isn't fully aware of the way you truly feel. It is easy to get into a comfortable rut especially as you have been together long enough to become comfortable, but obviously familiarity and routine do build boredom and complacency. Maybe your other half hasn't responded because he or she feels happy with the status quo. However, to have a fulfilling relationship both partners need to be able to express their needs and wishes within the relationship, and come to a compromise. maybe you could brouch the subject by saying you miss the first flush of romance, and therefore would like to try and date each other again. Like you did in the beginning where you both make an effort and aim to suprise one another with new events, and little tokens that show the other they are not to be taken for granted. I worry that your quick decision to end things may be of little use, throwing the baby out with the bath water so to speak! maybe you have reached a time in your relationship wherein you need to be more direct, open and honest about your needs in this relationship. If the relationship is worth investing in you will know from a greater understanding of what you both want the relationship to be, and if your ideas are compatible. with the first flush of romance everything is exciting and knew without too much effort, therefore its highly possible your itchy feet may be linked to an illusion of non stop fun and frolicks that comes with romantic love. If you and your partner are going to last the distance and wheather the storm of routine, only you can tell. Do you get what you need from your partner? Are they kind, considerate, can you see your future together? Is it worth the effort and investment in maing your relationship better, and consequently more real, and more fun. Only you can decide. Hope this helps, best of luck.
...............................
|
