A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. My problem is a bit of a long one. I'm an 18 year old guy and I'm gay. I've recently started talking to an old friend of mine from middle school and he confided in me that he is gay and that he has been interested in me since we were kids. At first I thought this was great because I've always felt the same way about him. We started talking more and more and we really started catching really feelings for each other. He told me that he wanted me to be his boyfriend and of course I was ecstatic about this. The only problem, though, was that he was not ready to come out. Which I understood completely, because I had just recently come out last year. He told me that he wanted to have a relationship with me, but he wanted it to be a secret. But I honestly felt like I couldn't do that. It took so much for me to accept who I am and let my family and friends know and I felt that if I were to be in a secret relationship with him, I'd be taking 10 steps backwards. So I told him that even though I like him, I can't be in a secret relationship with him. I told him that perhaps her should spend sometime taking care of himself and that we should cool it for a while and that when he's ready, maybe things will work out between us.We didn't talk for a few days, then he called me telling me that he needed me in his life and he really wanted me to be his boyfriend. Despite my better judgment, I said okay. He snuck out of his house a few times and we hung out and did a lot of talking and a lot of kissing lol - and things were really good. But then I had to go away, about 2 hours away, because my mom was hospitalized and I needed to be by her side. We were out of touch for a little bit and then he started freaking out. He texted me telling me he's not sure if he can do this. So I called him trying to figure out what had changed. After an hour + conversation, I asked him if he wanted to be with me or not. He said no. And that was the end of it.The next day, he called and said he was sorry, he just was scared and he didn't know what came over him and he wanted to know if we could just erase the last 24 hours. I said okay and I left my mom and went back home (my brother came to stay with my mom). Everything with him was so amazing for about 3 weeks.His parents caught us making out and he was forced to come out and after a tough time adjusting, his parents accepted him and things between us continued to go great. But after that he has had multiple freak outs when he hasn't spoken to me for a while and I have to talk him down. It's getting exhausting. This has been going on for about 4 months now. And to be perfectly honest, I've fallen in love with him, but I'm really getting tired of having to take care of him. And I don't know what to do anymore, I can't put up with him freaking out but I love him. I don't want to walk away.I honestly don't know what to do. So, I'm here looking for advice, insight, and some perspective. Help please? Thank you all, very much.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2011): Have you told him what you've shared with us? Show him what you've submitted. If he does not clue in that you are genuinely concerned for
him and your relationship with him, then you have to decide whether or
not this whole thing is worth the mental and emotional strain on your
psyche. It's no longer about him--it's about you. He needs more help
than what you can give him. He has issues that you are not profession-
ally trained to deal with.
Tell him you love him and get along with your life. You sound like a
well-adjusted young man. You need to hook up with someone you
don't need to "look after".
A
male
reader, aebniala  +, writes (9 August 2011):
He has some issus to take care of and he is the only one to resolve them. You mite hang out around, but you are not the solution. He has got to find his own anwer and then maybe.
Not easy being gay...........!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2011): I think you should talk to him about his 'freak outs' and see what causes them. Then maybe try and stop them.
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