A
female
age
30-35,
*xfatale
writes:Hello everyone,I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, but things have been rocky lately. Here's a little background info: i'm 27 and he's 36 years old, and has 4 kids. I do not have any kids of my own. Things were good in the beginning, but since mid summer, I've noticed everything changed. We don't do anything as a couple such as going out, and when I do suggest things, he turns them down. I am a full time student in college and he works so I only get to see him on Fridays and weekends. However, when I do go to see him, we only stay at home. It's frustrating because when I'm there, he barely pays attention to me, he's constantly on his phone on a game chat, and whenever I say something about it, he says I'm being a big baby and I should stop acting up. The only time he pays attention to me is during sex. One night I asked him about it and he said he learned to close himself off from people because of being hurt in the past, and the game is something he uses to "escape". At this point, I feel like I'm dealing with an emotionally unavailable man. Everything is about him, whenever I talk about how I feel, he says he's stressed out over his kids, money, etc. This is way too much for me to handle and I feel like this is a dead end relationship. I do love and care about him but everytime I go to his house, I feel sad and ignored. What should I do?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 November 2018):
 OP, he is ONLY with you for the sex these days. He doesn't WANT to invest emotionally in you, he doesn't take you out probably because he doesn't have the money, child-support for 4 kids is NOT a grab in the pocket...
He pays attention to you during sex because it benefits HIM SEXUALLY.
You still show up even if he neglect you so why should he bother to put in more effort?
I think you need to realize you can do better and deserve more. Simply put.
You are wasting your time on a guy who might be a decent fella but he isn't in a place in his life where he feels investing in a new relationship is something he wants to do. So what you get is this HALF-ASSES thing.
Wish him well, and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2018): You're absolutely right, you're dealing with an emotionally closed-off man. They are as bad as abusive men. They don't let you in, they simply use you for whatever they need; and not much else.
He has four kids, which means all his income is for child-support; plus he has his own living expenses separate from that. If he wants a girlfriend, he has to make her feel special. He can't just sleep with you and then insult you when you speak-up about it. He doesn't take you out because he's cheap and he really can't afford to.
I agree with Youcannotbeserious, why ARE you wasting your time on him? He's pushing 40, and that makes him pretty much set in his ways. He sees you as his convenient on-call 24/7 sex-supply...whenever he wants it; otherwise, you're just there.
No, sweetheart, there is no advice we can offer to change him; and make him a better boyfriend.
You have to make a decision on what you think would be best for you. You are also correct that it is a dead-end relationship. Everything you've described in your post defines exactly what a dead-end relationships is. You're too young to be dragging yourself through this anemic relationship.
Get your head together and build-up your courage; and do what you already know you have to do.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 November 2018):
 You may love and care about him, but he doesn't love and care about you, so you are on a hiding to nothing, sweetheart.
You already know this is leading nowhere. Why are you wasting more time than you already have on him? Leave him to his games and his selfishness and find yourself someone who will love and care for you the way you do for them. You deserve so much better. Go and find it.
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