A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am a girl and I have been in a relationship with my first boyfriend for about one and a half years now - pretty much for the most part I have been at university, as I am now finishing my second year. However, I am finding that although I love him, I keep having the most horrible thoughts.I tend to boss him around and become abusive. I get bored whenever he talks and I get upset whenever he doesn't tell me things. He has very low-esteem when it comes to sex, partly because I have never had an orgasm, but then I'm not even sure if all women get them anyway. I used to enjoy sex a lot and wanted it every day, but he didn't want it anywhere near as much. Now we are having sex less then once a week and I really don't enjoy it anymore. Sometimes I think I can't even be bothered seeing him - like I don't care if he's around.I get more and more paranoid about contraceptives and stds and regret that I didn't really think things through very well because he told me when we first entered this relationship that he didn't believe in sex before marriage, but then he changed his mind. I think the pill makes me fat and stupid and diminishes my sex drive. I am loathe to the idea of something that affects my hormones. I tried having a break from it but I just can't seem to get back into the whole sex thing again.And besides that, I'm 19, and I keep wondering if I really want to end up married to this guy, much as I love him. It really bothers me when he injures himself or eats badly. I sometimes feel like we don't have anything in common at all. I feel cheated that partners I thought were having sex actually weren't; I feel a bit alone in this regard. I keep spending too much time with this friend who thinks sex before marriage is a bad thing, and because this was my upbringing, I have slowly come to feel really guilty about it but not having sex at this stage seems like a bad idea for the relationship.I am attracted to my boyfriend, but I don't feel like having sex with him at the moment. I'm not sure how much this will change - this has been going on for about six months now. I don't have any reason to be dissatisfied with my boyfriend - he is a good guy. I just don't feel like it anymore. But I don't want to lose my relationship.I keep thinking some quite heartless things, and it bothers me. In what way should I be concerned? I am under the impression that all these problems are self-created and I do not know how to work my way out of them.-Anonymous
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a break, orgasm, sex drive, std, the pill, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): I swear. I was searching for answers to my question, but I came across your problem and I swear I thought I was reading my thoughts out loud. Seriously this is the EXACT same problem I'm having. I just don't understand either how I can love him so much but am peeved by him. He could be walking around the kitchen thinking what to cook for dinner (we live together, been together for 2 years, but have separate rooms) and I will lash out at him and think he's being lazy or something. I don't know. The way he breathes irks me. But I try to picture my life without him... not possible. What's going on with me? What do I do?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 October 2009):
I think you are over him. You like him, but you don't love him and you're not in love with him. time to end it and move on I'm afraid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): You could be over him, like the other poster says. However, as a female who recently went through an absolutely horrible problem with a hormonal imbalance I would not underestimate the role hormones could be playing in this. I went off the pill and didn't feel like myself afterwards for months. Doctors wouldn't listen to me, but I knew something was wrong. I finally got someone to test me and I had a hormone imbalance. I'm pretty sure I hadn't recovered from the pill experience because I had a zinc deficiency and vitamin d deficiency that kept my body from rebalancing. Do some googling and see what you can come up with, and if you end up truly feeling like something is up with your hormones don't take no for an answer from a doctor. My imbalance was making me tired and angry and sad all the time, don't underestimate what an impact they can have on emotions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): I hate to say it but you might be over him, you see in a relationship whether a guy or girl, you can only accept so much disapointment from your partner.Im not saying he isnt a good guy, but it doesnt sound like you respect him much. As my own mother said "dont get too caught up with your first few relationships as they are only the first of many and it will take time till you know whats important in a partner". (cant believe I quoted my mum lol, good advice is good advice though)Perhaps you should give each other some room to breathe for awhile and see what happens.And dont make such a big deal about sex, 98% of people admit they do it and the other 2% are lyers.
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