A
female
age
41-50,
*m I just stupid
writes:Ok, I never thought I would be in love with a married man, and thats not what we both were looking for when we met again after 24 years. And it was just like magic looking in his eyes for the first time again. When we met he was actually separated from his wife, but they had talked and he was going to go back, for one he couldnt afford to pay for everything since she wouldnt work, and 2 i guess to see what happened. Well we just couldnt stay away from each other, was so happy when we were together, just short periods of time, sometimes everyday and a couple days twice. We have so much in common and like all the same things. I am a single mother of 2 and have been thru a bad marriage and an abusive 4yr relationship that I couldnt take anymore of. And now I absolutley know this man has all of my heart and I know I love him with every bit of it. But now after almost a year, he said he has seen that maybe he is not ready for another relationship and he is currently separated from his wife and has a dissalution court date next week. He has also caught her texting and seeing another guy, but she keeps wanting to talk and wants things to get better, and I'm not sure what I should do, he keeps talking to me and we both know we want each other, but he says he just needs time to get over everything and get back to just being him, and then have another relationship. I am so scared that he wont go thru with the court hearing next week and that he will once again let her talk him into something he really doesnt want, she has done it several times before, she likes to control him. Just please help me, I am about to go absolutley crazy, cuz I am so crazy about him. I just want to be with him so badly. I have told him I loved him, and he says he appreciates it, but that it takes him alot longer and more time to feel that for someone, but he does care, have strong feelings for me....I just dont know what to do...I havent seen him for 3 weeks now and I miss him so very much that when I close my eyes I see him, so I'm not sleeping except when I cry so hard that I cant keep my eyes open anymore. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): I think just bec u got over your hb before the ink was dry on your divorce papers doesn't mean that this 'almost still married man can just do the same.
Whatever u may think of his wife, plse allow him to be there for her. They have a history together and they cannot just call it quits.
Her hb moved on with u, so what is so wrong with her getting some on the side with someone else? I think this man still has unresolved feelings for his wife therefore he doesn't want anything long term with you.
Your marriage was very different to this mans marriage and you cannot have the unreasonable expectation that he will not be there for her. After all he was with her for years and a divorce paper is sometimes just a piece of paper.
I think u will save yourself much pain if you do not have expectations that this is long term. I think this man needed some comfort while getting divorced and you provided it. He doesn't want to complicate his life by jumping now from the fry pan into the fire.
I also think you know that this relationship is nearing its end and you need to be prepared for this eventuality. It will hurt but at least you know that he was in your life for only a season(s).
You may love him but sadly he doesn't feel this way about you. Protect your heart!!!
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, Am I just stupid +, writes (9 January 2011):
Am I just stupid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i was married and my xhusband was in a relationship before the ink was even on the paper...and it was over...so even before the ink had time to dry yes i moved on with my life...i didnt keep my x in any of my affairs that didnt involve our 2 kids...but then he didnt even care to be involved with them either for quite awhile..but i separated myself from him as much as i could and if u cant do that then i guess u cant move on...i have been through alot...and i have decided that until my guy can see and that his life wont begin until he can separate himself from that one and having to still do things for her then its over...i love him with all my heart and it will be a long long time before any man can fill his void in my heart. I love him, but love from just one is empty...and has no meaning.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 so the divorce has gone through and its not been the magic spell that you thought it would be? it is fair enough that he does not want to get so involved with you yet you know? i mean how would you feel if you were married to someone and then he gets serious with a new girlfriend before the ink has even dried on your divorce paper? from what you said in your first post about having a bad marriage and an abusive relationship i can totally understand that you just want someone to love you and look after you now and i think this may be why you have put all your hopes into him being the one for you. after all he has re-appeared from a time in your life when you were younger and carefree, not damaged by your bad relationships and marriage you went onto have. remain in his loop if you think you are strong enough for that, but personally i would get away from him and get over him. if he was a fantastic man who might one day love you like you want him to, then yes, you could be tempted to wait around for him, but from the way he's treated you up to now, i wouldn't expect itxx
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A
female
reader, Am I just stupid +, writes (8 January 2011):
Am I just stupid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk...update..my guy went thru with his divorce..as of weds he is divorced. He says that his divorce is a sad and hard thing for him to deal with...and he is still doing things for her. He talks to me like im just a friend and i dont think i can do that.....i love him so very much thats it kills me..... i dont know to completely cut off all communications with him or try to go at it best i can so that i may stay in his loop? I just hate how he can just go on so easy without me, or at least want to see some or a lil...but i feel such like a fool. Thanks everyone.
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A
female
reader, Am I just stupid +, writes (30 December 2010):
Am I just stupid is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe do keep in contact, email and text pretty much everyday. He tells me what is going on with her, and what she has done, just like her comming to his house (she is living in an appt) and her wanting to talk and wanting things to get better. He knows that if we see each other, how much we want each other and that he just needs to get over everything and get his head clear. I miss him so much and want to tell him. My greatest hope is that he will go thru with the divorce and want to find me again. He told me that it would be different when he is single, but that he tried to have a relationship with me but everything was just so much to handle. I don't know, I want to tell him just how much I miss him, I want to look into his eyes again, I want to feel him hug me, but I'm affraid that if I do then he will feel pressured by me. I know he feels alot for me, I can just tell, but he said him still being married just couldnt do another relationship and he needs time. He had become my best friend, I could talk to him about anything, we loved to talk to each other, I miss just that too. I just dont know, feel like I will go insane until I see whether he will finalize it next weds or not. I guess that will tell me. I don't even care if the sun comes up anymore, cuz I know what all I will be thinking about. I hate this, I hate that I fell in love, I always get hurt.
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A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (29 December 2010):
 Oh, honey, I have no advice for you other than to stay insanely busy. You need to stay so busy that you don't even know if you're coming or going. IDK what your schedule is like, work hours, etc., but you must keep all waking hours filled. I know that feeling of only seeing him when you close your eyes. I still do that. Please contact me privately.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (29 December 2010):
 ~After reading what you wrote I was thinking that he really doesnt want to jump into another relationship head on, and as i read further it sounds like he's been in talks with his wife again. Then at the bottom, you havent seen him for 3 weeks. You are getting distraught, how come he can leave you alone for three weeks. That to me speaks volumes. He could be rekindling the relationship with his wife, that could be a strong possibilty. I wonder if he will see the divorce through as that would give y ou the answer you seek one way or the other. Be strong.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (29 December 2010):
hi
its a shame that you have fallen in love with him so much coz he is too entangled in marriage / ex(?)marriage. both of them i think are confused about what they want and he has involved you in this mess too. he has been seeing you for a year and now he is now saying that he wants space to find himself?? doesn't sound promising to be honest. a number of things can happen now.. maybe he will split up from her properly and he will want to be a free agent for a while, so you'll get hurt coz you want him but he's gonna be out playing the field, not committing to you. or maybe he'll split up with her and get with you exclusively which is what you want right? i dont think you will have any peace of mind with him coz you'll be always wondering if she is still their trying to entice him back to her. or he maybe will not split from her this time, as are suspecting he won't. i just cant see a happy ending here for you love, sorry :( has he at least been in contact with you in the last 3 weeks? if so, what's his report on the current situation with things? from what you tell me he doesnt sound as into you as you are into him so be very careful. please try not to make him your every thought, get on with your life while you wait to see how things with his marriage develops. he may want you more if he thinks that you are not sitting round crying and waiting for him.
xx
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A
female
reader, Bubbabay +, writes (29 December 2010):
 i think you need to leave him alone for right now , and let him get everything straight with his wife then after all that is straight you can try to be in a relationship with him .
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