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female
,
anonymous
writes: Here goes,I can't tolerate it anymore.I wrote about my 5 months relationship with my bf earlier on. It's gone over the limit now. I seriously am in love with him, but I feel it isn't really the same for him. I have given my best in this relationship where sacrifice on my part plays a very huge role. Today he slapped me like mad and kept telling me to fuck off but when i do want to walk away he pulls me back and says sorry. Then it all starts again. He's blaming it on things that he has in him which he can't forget. He claims that he has so much of sadness in him that it goes beyond his temper. How can I believe that? I have given him everything that he has asked for and even he says that nobody can tolerate the shit he is doing. So why does he do it? The most recent thing he has said to me was that he has gotten information that I wasn't a virgin before I met him. How could he find the heart to say that when he knew i was suffering when i gave my virginity to him? I just cannot take it anymore. I don't want to lose him. I feel I am on the verge of a breakdown and nobody is around to help me. I love him dearly, and still hopes that he would change. I don't know what to do.Someone Please Help Me!!I have attempted suicide many times because of him, but still there isn't a little bit of guilt in him. Is he immuned to it or what?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2006): My Dear, you are an abused woman and are caught up in a sort of spell that he has cast on you. Unfortunately, simple answers like "Dump Him" are inadequate to deal with the problem you are facing. You definitely need to get away from this person and I would suggest that you find yourself an abused woman's shelter.
The dynamics that play out between an abuser and an abusee are very complicated and it doesn't matter how much you do for him or how perfectly. It will never be enough because his ego is what is fed by your attention. Your entire life focus has become pleasing this man and yet he is never pleased. His ego will not allow you to ever know that you are pleasing him because then your attention and life focus might allow "room" for something or someone else, thereby potentially taking your attention away from him. He will do anything, ANYTHING to make sure you think only about him - and that means controlling you with fear, controlling you by making you feel less than you are. This can take the form of other woman, physical abuse as you have suffered and emotional abuse - insulting comments about you. This man is mentally sick and unfortunately you are caught up in his web. You can't change him and he won't change. All you can do is change yourself. You sound like a wonderful, caring and compassionate woman. Find a woman's shelter and go talk to them. Don;t let this man control you any longer. He isn't worth it. I know it is hard to believe but you are better off alone. Really.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
DUMP HIM. What is taking you so long. He is violent and abusive. You don't love him but you are dependant on him. What are you getting out of this? Look at him as an ear-wig. He uses you as a bolt hole, he is just an irritation. Dust him with anti ear-wig powder and enjoy life
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (21 December 2005):
 kick this jerk out stand up to him and teach hima lession he will necer forget.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Stand up to him and tell him to get out of your house. then when he is out .Pack all his cases with his clothes leave them out side then change the locks on the door. that should do it good
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): You must leave this jerk today. Dont wait for him to hurt you ever again. Next time could be the last.
Woman get killed at the hands of their abusive bf. His excuses are just that. And you will never change him.
This will only get worse if I where there I would get you out. He is not worth it. You arent in love sweetheart.
Your dependant and alone thats why your not leaving.
Please call a crisis center and go to a womans shelter. They can help you. They helped me. Its a simple phone call. Or go to a church you would be surprised.
Do yourself a favor and give yourself the best x-mas present ever. Dignity,confidence,freedom and life. Start the new year with a new life.
Life is to short to suffer at the hands of a man.
Leave him now before it is too late.
You can do this, its only hard at first.
Good Luck and Merry X-mas
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A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (20 December 2005):
 I agree with caramala. How long can u keep going on here. U are obviously very sad even to the attempt of wanting to commit sucide.please seek help from friends, family members and crisis centres.
You have to be strong and walk away from this. i know its difficult but u just have to.
Take care dear
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A
female
reader, caramala +, writes (20 December 2005):
 OMG girlfriend!!! you need to get out of this situation because it has gotten really bad. Over the top bad. If a guy makes you lose your tears, or makes you want to committ suicide, he is clearly not the right onw for you darling!!! You know what you need, CONFIDENCE!! you need to look deep within yourslef and ask the question, Do I really want to feel liek this for the rest of my life? Love yourself and everythign about YOU! You are the only one of you which makes you so special. You as a woman makes you one of the most beautiful creatures on the earth and you don't need a man to make you feel liek you are worth nothing. You need to do some serious soul searching. love yourself because your orginal and sooo great! you reall yneed to break up with this guy, hes making you feel things that you should not feel about yourself. A man that loves you would not do things intentionally to make you cry. it's easier said then done you say? Trust me I've been through this before too! You just need to take it one day at a time. DFind someone to tlak too about it like a counsellor because if you feel that low that you even want to take your life over this guy, then you really don't know what your worth. Replace these missed feelings of his absence. Do things to keep you busy. If you need to cry, let it out!! its normal to be this way after a break up. I promise that you will get over him, and I know its hard but believe in yourself. I have done it and now I am so much happier, i found a man that loves me to death and wouldn't do anything intentional to make me cry. You will find that man that will love you for everything if you just gave it a chance. Give yourself that chance to be happy. Stay beautiful and remember,You need to love you, Because there is noone else quite like you!! one more thing,I can only advise you what to do, you have to be the one to take the first step! You CAN DO ITTTTTTTT!GOODLUCK!!!!!!!!!
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