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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi Everyone, bear with me on the length of this one but i need some serious advice. I've been having an online long distance relationship with a guy i went out with last december. For the entire year we spoke everyday on the phone, IM etc, after 2 weeks of being at home, he suddenly tell me that he still has feelings for his ex and i should understand that its normal to have these feelings after u break up with someone (he broke up with her over a year ago)and WANTS my advice as to what he should do, whether he should go back to her or not. I was so shocked because he had said he wanted us to discuss our feelings for each other when we met face to face, flirted, acted totally like a boyfriend, got all the emotional support he needed. and to make matters worse he now makes it seem like it was my fault for not telling him that i had feelings when he was the one who pressed me from the beginning as to how i felt about him. at the time i told him that it was too early to discuss that. he now wants us to be "best friends" and that he is not ready for a relationship and that he was blind and naive to my feelings. I feel so stupid, its like he now has memory loss and won't acknowledge that we had conversations at his requeset over the last year about relationships. I have no idea what to do, i just feel really hurt that he wasn't upfront with me before. What should I do. Its like he wants all the advantages of a relationship with a girlfriend but without the commitment. If anyone has any advice please give me. I thought this holiday would be so much fun and i feel so lost, seeing all these happy couples around me (no disrespect to all u guys who are couples) but it hurts!!!from Holiday Despair
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broke up, flirt, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (22 December 2005):
 Thanks dear for sendiing me this message to let me know how everything is going. I have thought about u ever since and hoped everything was fine.
I think you should give him an ear and listen to what he has to say. But please be careful because he just told you awhile ago that he is thinking of going to his ex. He has either realised that he doesnt want to loose you and you are indeed very important to him or he is playing you.
Speak to him and ask him questions like why did he really indicate to you that he wanted to go back to his ex?why make u believe there wasnt a place for u in his heart and act as if he has forgotten about previous conversation? what really made him reconsider?Think about what he says and make your decision. You know him better than us so u are in a better position to know if he is sincere or not.only u can decide if u want to give him a chance in your life.
Good luck and i wish u the best this yuletide period.pls let us know how everything went.
A
female
reader, Virginiaac +, writes (21 December 2005):
how you getting on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): Hey KellyO, thanks for replying. He's been sending me non-stop messages about how sorry he was and that he doesn't know what came over him to think he could ever get back with her and to ask me. According to him his head was not in the right place. He now wants to take me out where we can really talk but I'm just confused. thanks anyway
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A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (20 December 2005):
Hi dear, u seem really distraught. i am sorry.
Firstly, a year was a long time to stay away from each other. Was there a reason for this? Anyway it doesnt matter now but i just choose to mention it just incase u find urself in this position again with someone else maybe like in another relationship. It is always wise to try and see each other once in a while regardless of the distance.
I know this might hurt but this guy isnt taking u seriously. He isnt looking for a commiment with u at all. If he is asking u whether he should go back to his ex he his hinting u that he is not seeing u as a girlfriend more like a friend. i am sorry but i feel he is really not into u.
U say u feel he wants a gf without commitment and u dont want that. my own opinion is that u dont call him again just leave him. since u have told him about your feelings if he does have feelings for u believe me he will come back to you.They always do.
You will find someone who will provide u with all u need commitment, friendship, love and understanding. Please dont be down cos u see people around this season u dont even know what some of them have been through and are still going through. Some worked hard to get there and settled for love which is what u should be looking for.Think about yourself now and during this season reflect bout your own life and u will get there believe me.
In the meantime cheer up and have fun with friends and close family members. occupy yourself with a lot of activities. who knows what the season might end up bringing for u.
Take care dear
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