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female
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anonymous
writes: I have really strong feelings for a man who lives on the other side of the world.I havent seen him for a few months now, but when I am with him I feel there is a chemistry between us and I know Im not imagining it, the last time I saw him we where never alone there was always family around but we always sat together and talked.I believe that there is only ever one person for everyone and I think that he is mine when I go on dates with other men I dont get the same feelings have no interest in being there and think about him the whole time. I feel if I start a relationship with any other man I will be selling myself short.I feel like getting on a plane going over there telling him how I feel and seeing what happens what do you all think I should do.I know there is a chance that he may not return my feelings but I think life and love are both gambles and I should just do it or stay just friends with him emailling him and talking on the phone never saying what I really want to say.So please go and tell him or not what do you think?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2005): Can I just say how people got together before WWW is that he is originally from where I live and we have known each other for as long as I can remember, our families are great friends our Mums went to university together so its not as if my feelings for him came from out of nowhere, my feelings for him just came from nowhere I just seem to get how wonderful he is, I know this is going to sound truly pathetic but I think he is my Mr. Darcy you know he is in your life for so long in this case all my life and then one day you just get him.
Thank you for your advice I truly appreciate it I just wanted to explain it a bit better
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (30 December 2005):
 Sorry, dear. Bad idea.
First, you need to reexamine your stated basic principle: "I believe that there is only ever one person for everyone and I think that he is mine..."
OK, fine. But if this guy, as you say, "may not return my feelings", then does that mean that there isn't anyone else in the entire 6 billion+ population of the world that you can be happy with? Those are pretty lousy odds and quite a "gamble", don't you think?
(It makes you wonder how people *ever* got together before the advent of the WWW. If my perfect soulmate was born in USA and I was born in Australia - and we're the only ones for each of us on the entire planet - how would we ever meet? I'd be doomed to unhappy loneliness all my life.)
Here's what I think (you did ask!). The whole only-one-true-partner-for-everyone story is a load. Talk to some older people that you know - people who've been married for 10 or 20 years - who are still madly in love with their partners. Ask them: did they ever feel really in love before they met their perfect person? Of course they did. They dated people they thought were "the one" when they were younger, but, guess what? They were wrong. Then they had their share of tragic breakups and eventually went on to new partners, whom they love as much or more than their earlier loves.
What you need to realise is that the reason you aren't enjoying dating other men isn't because they're imperfect doofuses and your Overseas Guy is Adonis; it's because you're fixated on Overseas Guy and you don't see the appeal of other men. Now that's not a bad thing -- in fact it's a very good thing, if you're romantically involved with the one you adore. But you're not. Yet.
Doing the overseas trip is a thrilling idea, and it's a big, grand gesture, but what if he turns you down? You've written yourself that it's possible, so if that happens the whole trip becomes a kind of a big, grand letdown, idoesn't it? It would also tend to put the knocker on any fun you might have in travelling overseas, as you drag your heels onto the return flight, knowing that the only man for you has knocked back your advances.
Probably better to phone your friend, write him, email him, text him for a while. Ring him up for a chat and confess to your feelings in conversation, see how the news is received. If he's excited to hear it, *that* would be the time you go online and look for airfares.
I wish you good luck.
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female
reader, StarNews +, writes (30 December 2005):
 What are you waiting for? Get on that plane and go tell him face to face how you feel. What have you got to lose? Be prepared the feelings may not be mutual, but at least you will have your answer and you can move on without looking back. Who knows, he may feel the same and will be glad you said something. I think the worst is not knowing, life is too short not to take risks.
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