A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been married for six years. This is my third marriage. I didn't want to marry again, but because my husband was not from the USA, marriage was the only way that we could be together. (I did not want to move to his country.) This is his first marriage.My first two marriages were very bad. My first husband was into drugs and in and out of jail. My second husband was the total opposite; a sunday school teacher even. He was verbally abusive plus cheated on me.My current husband adores me. We never fight. I love him, but I feel like I should not be married to him. After coming to the US, he found a job that he stayed at for one year. He hated it and we agreed that he would quit and stay home for awhile. Our house is a "fixer-upper". The plan was for him to remodel the house; then go back into the work force.He has not kept his end of the deal. He does next to nothing. He will occasionally do something, but no more than a couple hours work per week. He goes out at night several times a week. The earliest he gets home is 3am; normally it's 6 or 7am. I've talked to him a thousand times about getting a job. He doesn't even look. I've tried to get him to go to school for something; he says he will "think about it". I did get him to go to a bartender school. He didn't take the final test to get his license. He promises now to go to truck driving school as soon as he gets his citizenship. The papers for him to fill out for his citizenship have been laying on the desk for a month. In regards to work around the house, he will do it "tomorrow". He's very charming and I have a very hard time staying mad at him. I did get mad though that the only time he wanted sex was when he'd come home drunk and wake me up a couple of hours before I have to get up for work. Now, we rarely have sex; maybe once every 2 or 3 months. I don't enjoy it when do have it.What do I do? I can't just kick him out, how will he live? This is my third marriage! I'm a total failure if I kick him out. I love him, but he makes me crazy.
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female
reader, Pepita  +, writes (20 September 2010):
Hi.
He is never going to make you happy. He is behaving like you are his mother, not his wife. If the sex has gone at this stage, what hope is there, even if he does decide to grow up and earn some money? Does he want citizenship of your country? Is there a cultural difference between you? What is he doing when he is out until the early hours of the morning, and who pays for him to do this?
How can it work?? Search inside yourself for what you really want and need from a man, and ask yourself if he can ever give you what you need. It sounds like he cannot.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (20 September 2010):
 On the first read through, I couldn't help but notice that your second husband wasn't a total opposite - we was the same thing in a different package - much like your third husband. You seem to like going after bad boys, wanting to take care of them instead of expecting them to take care of you - which is the normal instinct - nature wants us to find a mate who will nurture us while we raise babies - very normal female drives. You might want to get some therapy in order to get some insight into why you seem to keep repeating the same mistake in choosing needy, dependent men and perhaps this will help you decide on what to do in your current dilemma... Good Luck Hun...
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (20 September 2010):
 I hate to tell you this but the third time is not always a charm. He is using you plain and simple. I have been used before and it hurts but the second you catch on that it is happening..............END IT. who says you can't get rid of him. Who pays the bills? you? how much fun is that? A man takes care of a woman and I know some women make a lot of money and they may foot bills but the man should make up for what he lacks in money by taking care of the house and you. Most men need a job to feel value. Even the Bible rebukes people who don't work. Its called LAZY!! LAZY is the most unattractive attribute someone can have. He has time to go out but can't look for a job. LOOSER. DITCH HIM NOW as you deserve someone who wants to take care of you
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