A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: i had a girl as my lab mate at school. 5 years passed thereafter. and i didn't see her, but during that time i was feeling for her strongly. this august i joined a organization. on the very fist day i saw her and chatted with her and exchange cell nos.i noticed that unlike me she restricted herself in courtesy chat only. actually she was not talking with me, she was answering my questions. we have different department here. so we hardly can see each other. so almost everyday i sms her.but she doesn't reply if there is no question in sms. but i love her so much. but as by no means we are able to get closed i cant express my feelings to her being afraid if she take it wrong and the friendship is lost. oneday i heard form her friend that she has a boyfriend. i'm thinking of her everyday and cant concentrate to my work neither can forget her.because of all the situations i've stated i feel very depressed. but i strongly feel i can't live without her. i want her in my life. please give me positive way out
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2010): If she has a boyfriend then maybe you should let her go because obviously she only see you as a friend. Thats the only way i could put it there are more girls out the that prolly is prettier than her.
A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (13 November 2010):
 I think you need to take a step back and critically look at how you're dealing with this situation. I'll be honest with you, I've been where you are. I've been in the situation where I felt like I had to have "that girl" or else I would go crazy. I NEEDED her so badly that it hurt.
Looking back on that now, I realize that that wasn't healthy. Needing someone that badly is very dependent behaviour and sets you up for a lot of potential issues.
You are obviously an intelligent person, so let's use that intellect for good and not to keep you in this funk. The first thing I think you need to think about is, how little you actually know about this girl. Do you know how she drinks her coffee? What she likes more, pie or cake? Do you know if she wants to have kids in the future? What her career plans are? I'm not asking you these things because I want you to find out, but to try to make you see that you don't know her. You've fallen in love with a feeling or an illusion.
You may also want to think about working on yourself. Needing someone in this way, to the point where you want her to be your life instead of part of your life, signals a kind of emptiness or void in your life that needs to be filled. If that's the case, building your own life to the point where you can be happy without relationships is important too.
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