A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I'll try and make this as short as possible. After a 19 year relationship, my wife and I split up last year. I was't looking for anyone after this happened. A friend oif mine wanted me to meet this girl. I was hesitant at first and finally decided to meet her. The first night I met her we hung out and talked for about 4-5 hours. It was very nice to talk to someone. She was separated at the time and getting a divorce herself. She had a 5 and a 7 year old. We clicked immediately. Anyway, we hung out as friends for a couple months just talking and enjoying time together. The one night, she took things a little farther. We spent 8 months wonderful months together. Her ex was very controlling and physically abused her when she finally was done. Anyway, when her divorce was almost final she started acting funny. She started talking about whether she could put her kids through the same thing she had to go through when she was young. Well, she told me one night she had slept with him and I decided to call it quits. A while later he moved back in and they tried again. Now she hates her life and can't stand him. She texts or calls me very single day sayin she made a horrible mistake. I love this girl with all my heart and want to spend the rest of my life with her but can't get hurt again. I haven't done anything with her except talk. Any advice would be appreciated. I was better when I wasn't in contact with her...but now this whole situation hurts my heart every day.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): Walk away.
She has issues she needs to work on with a counselor.
Not with a new lover.
Once she resolves some of that, she will be able to engage in a new and constructive relationship. Only then, then you may still be available.
A
male
reader, eek  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 be careful. If you let her come back. My ex was simular and it turned out although she had "come back to me" she had told her ex she was staying with a friend for a while "keeping her options open" after a few more months she then left again. If you let her go back to you keep an eye on what is going on. Dont let her use you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): Walk away.I was seeing someone last year who had just got out of an abusive relationship. She had a 3 and a 9 year old from a previous relationship. Things were going very well, we were talking about moving in and settling down. Out of the blue she ended things and within a week had moved back in with her ex. I was devastated because I never saw it coming.At the end of last year they split up and she started trying to get back together with me. I was very dubious but loved her, so we got back together. Trust wasn't really there though, so I kept checking her phone. Turns out even when she was with me she was still seeing the abusive ex. I ended it earlier this year, hurt again.You need to be absolutely certain that the ex is out of the picture. That she's over him and has no contact with him. That's if you're going to take a chance with her again.Good luck with whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2011): You left your wife of 19 years and u almost immediately got hooked on with this soon to be divorced woman. This was a rebound relationship and if truth be told , it was not going anywhere.Her (ex) hb will always be in her life bec of the kids and bec she has overwhelming love for him. Whether he is an abuser or not (u only have her words regarding this) she went back bec she loved him. Plse also realise that women very rarely leave their so called abusers. They also look for a safety net. So the question is : are u her safety net?Her 2 young kids: are u going to play stepdad to them and provide for them financially. They may also resent u. Are u prepared for this.I think your rationship was over the moment she betrayed u and betray u she did. The hurt and the mistrust will never go away. Protect your heart. Ask yourself why she wants to come back to u: is it bec she loves u. This is a big fat NO. She wants u back bec u are her rescuer. U are her safety net. And sadly u are her SECOND choice.BTW Why did u seperate from your wife?Any reconciliation here? Has your wife moved on.Your kids?When will your divorce be finalised?LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (25 August 2011):
 The basic problem here is that she has betrayed your trust. At the end of the day if you think you can trust her again then let her back in but if you think she is not trustworthy then tell her to leave you alone. She did make a mistake but if you put yourself in her shoes you can see where she was coming from. Tread carefully here and protect your heart until you feel secure.
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