A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know what to do with my girlfriend anymore. I'm wondering if I should break up or if I'm doing anything wrong, so here goes my story (and question).I think the sparks are off of our relationship. We've been together for over a year now, and this is my first real relationship. But I think I'm losing my love for her. What seemed to be a really nice girl is slowly turning out to be a mess. We nearly don't have as much sex as we used to in the beginning of our relationship. I know that's common, but we have went from having sex 3-4 times a week to maybe three times a month. She sleeps over a lot but mostly she just ignores my gestures whenever I'm in the mood. And when she's in the mood, the foreplay focuses on her. She climaxes one or multiple times and then she says that she wants to pause a bit to smoke a cigarette or something and then just nothing happens anymore. She does this quite often and I talked to her about it a couple of times and she only responded with apologizing. I don't understand.On a totally different note, she has a very strange state of mind. Her parents got divorced when she was in puberty and her mother was quite abusive of her. She struggles with this so much, saying it gets to her a lot and things, but when she's with me, or when I call her up during the day she's never unhappy or anything. I also asked her if she put on a mask for me when she was with me, to hide her emotions, but she doesn't. It seems that she always wants to be the center of attention but that has several other reasons as well.When we're with friends or family, she turns into a quite obnoxious person. She avoids all physical contact and only lets me put her arm around her some times. I can't even hold her, or give her a kiss on the cheek. And she's not a really shy person at all. Usually, I'm just being myself when with friends and family, but my girlfriend keeps correcting me on that and says I should behave. This is especially strange since nobody else seems to mind it. She even likes it when I behave this way when it's just the two of us.I do everything for her, hell, I even spoil her a bit. But she takes most things for granted. Especially the little things. I just think I don't get enough attention.This all never happened until a few months ago but my girlfriend is overall happy with the way things are. And I don't think she sees what's wrong. Whenever I talk to her about something, like how she behaves around my friends, she says "My head's just so full right now, I'm already seeing a therapist, I just can't change on my own." and I'm fed up with that, I keep coping with more and more things of hers, and it's been more than enough.I love her, I really do. But somehow I keep getting the feeling I deserve better.Help me out here, agony aunts. I'm stuck on what to do. Sorry if this all has been confusing, but I'm not that good of a writer.Thanks in advance,
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divorce, foreplay, in the mood, shy, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Invincible  +, writes (25 July 2012):
Naaww... I understand your position n emotions.. Its a tough thing to cope with but you cant leave her at this stage.. She s already disturb and i think you should give her some extra time and for some time u need to control your emotions ... This is what healthy ppl do :))
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (25 July 2012):
Hi there. It does seem like her parents' divorce has messed with her mind a bit.
Most times, children do get negatively affected, and can sometimes blame themselves for the breakup.
And then after the divorce, they can start to feel very insecure about themselves and about life.
They wish that everything was okay again, and that their parents could work things out.
This could be where she's at right now.
And so now she is wanting attention lavished on her to try and make up for her broken family home.
So she's making it all about her and what she wants.
Don't worry too much about her not wanting you to show affection to her in public, most people feel that way - it's fairly normal.
You do need to talk to her in more detail about the lovemaking and how it's so one-sided - HERS.
And I don't mean for you to only say something at the time, after having sex, but at another time entirely, when you are both just sitting on the lounge watching tv.
And of course, when you are alone - just you and her.
Up until now, you may have only said something almost like a complaint - "What about me?" - type of thing.
And then as you said, she simply apologises - and that's all.
You really need to be open and honest with her, and just tell her how it makes you feel each time that happens.
That although you really love her, you feel it just can't continue the way it is, for too much longer.
And you need to also tell her that you are seriously considering breaking up with her, should nothing change.
And specifically, that you will end it with her, if she will not co-operate in trying to make things better between you.
And she also needs to know how very unhappy you feel, the way things are now.
And that you feel very taken for granted.
The most important thing here is complete honesty.
And as well as this, you need to be prepared to follow through with your proposal to end it, should she have no intention of making an effort.
Don't delay having this talk - do it TODAY!
Time is precious.
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