A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. (Its a bit long but I appreciate if you read it) I'm 20 years old (female) I have just came out of a long term relationship, of 4 years, also have a two year old son with this person. I decided to call it quits as I fell out of love with him (not completley) but just didn't feel the same anymore about him. We both had serious jelousy issues (his were really bad) we both argued and attacked eachother physically (which is not normal and shouldn't happen) basically our relationship turnt into a complete joke and disaster, I don't know how it got to that. I met him when I was 15 and he's all I've ever known in my life, as time went on all he did was put me down, tell me I'm not good enough for anyone or anything, I was put down so much that I believe I am worthless. He use to say I was ugly to get any other boyfriend (but other blokes find me very attractive) eventhough I find that hard to believe, I'm blonde, have nice green eyes and am a size 12 (I'm not happy being a size 12) I have got my self into a rut since we have split, I have put on weight, and just have lost interest in life. I go out with friends and feel so paranoid that men are looking at me in disgust, I have zero confidence, and I just hate feeling like this. I hate being a size 12, I use to be a healthy size 8 when I met him but the more he put me down over the years the more depressed I became. He has damaged me so bad, my self esteem is awful, I think no one will ever love me because I'm fat, the last 2 years have been a hard time for me, I suffered with severe depression and anxiety, which lead me to do awful things like cutting all my hair off ( sounds scrazy but at the time no one was there for me and I just felt so ugly) this man has ruined me. The only good thing I got was our beautiful son, now he wants me back but I'm not sure if I should go back to that, my family really don't want me to go back to him, what do you think? I'm such a pushover that I never know how to say no. How can I turn my life around? And what can I do to make myself feel happy an d get myself out of this miserable vicious circle. I just want some advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): Hi,First, well done on leaving a relationship that had become unhealthy. Being with someone for a long time is a big deal and when it ends it's a big thing. This man has caused a lot of emotional damage and the result is that you suffered from low self-esteem and severe depression. The good thing in your situation is that you're only 20 and all is not lost. It is going to take some time but in order to be healthy and more self-loving you will have to speak to someone, try and see if you could speak to someone from a charity like the Samaritans (I see you're from the UK) or Mind or even a therapist. Also, why not get involved in the life of your community by volunteering? Helping others will bring satisfaction and enable you to put things in perspective. Making someone else's life a bit better can be a source of happiness. Also, think about what you love doing in your free time.Being happier will enable you to be there and support your son well.Please, please, please don't go back to your ex as the issues you mentioned earlier could not be solved. You need to make it clear to him that it is OVER. Be strong. Look at it this way: if you went back to him you would only put yourself and your son in danger of physical violence.I hope this helps. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): And please please do not take him back in a weak moment. There needs to be some Anger management counselling. And maybe some effort to get this Jealously Curse back into the box it crawled out of. Anger and Jealousy will ruin all further relationships until you both get a handle on these damaging destructive issues.And you have been trapped in a cycle of abuse. Fighting. Jealousy. And the pain of the fighting (verbal etc) would have been frightening for your child.Focus on you first and get yourself healthy. Take your baby in the stroller and go for a walk each morning and them up it to a run with you and the stroller in the park.Limit time you spend sitting down to only the times you read a story to baby. The rest of the time walk and play outside and get into physical things.And learn more about the abuse cycles in abusive relationships and how an abuser behaves. Walk away from abusive guys. Or better still never start a relationship with a guy who acts mean. And abusive.Just so that you understand that when a couple start hitting each other the abuse does not lessen over time it gets worse. It is good that you know that physical violence is never acceptable.here is more on abuse cycles. You need to learn and grow as a woman so that you are never put into this vulnerable situation again. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-honeymoon-stage-in-an-abusive-relationship-and.html
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): Whatever u didn't go back to him!! He has caused u nothin but trouble and grief!! Also it is not healthy for a young child to be watching family violence, he would think it is right. If u r worried about ur weight maybe go to gym/walks/or some other type of exercise with a group of friends. Focus on feeling good about yourself and remember that u r beautiful and no1 will ever change that.
Hope this helps :)
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