A
male
age
30-35,
*imario
writes:hi fellow peers of cupid, this is dimario, Ive been stuck in this situation of good and evil emotions. how do you react if the person that your with has been "with" physically allot of people before you? my significant other the one i love with my heart and soul, my Armour. we had a conversation about sex, and i told her she was my first. and she couldn't say the same, she said she had sex with over (not lying) 19 people before me. she brought up that Ive been in situations where i could have had sex (about 5-6) but i told her that i didn't, because i just didn't seem.... right. this whole thing, the thought of that was like taking a sledge hammer and crushing the glass building that is your pride, love, and joy. i smiled on the outside and just pal-ed around with her, but inside i was crying and really im broken even more then i was before.i usually read online that its so much easier for a girl to have sex with a dude then vise-versa. because dudes (SOME!) will just take the opportunity. but ever since i heard that i cant touch her. i know that its not right to judge people about their past and i never do that, i understand that people make mistakes and all should be forgiven, but for some reason i cant even do it. the thought has made me lose all desire to even eat.she said that i could be with another but i dont want to, i dont want be like the other, i praise myself for being with one. and the idea of having sex for the heck of it SICKENS ME TO MY STOMACH! Please Peers Of DearCupid I Need Your Help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): There are a lot of postings on here about this, read them all and learn about it.
"she said she had sex with over (not lying) 19 people"
Studies seem to indicate (nobody knows for sure) that women lie about their numbers of sexual partners and under-report, whereas men lie and over-report their numbers.
I'm assuming that she is young, as you are, which means something. You don't have sex with a lot of people without reason, usually because you are looking for something that you are missing and hope that you will find it from sex, or you get it from sex, albeit only temporarily.
Does she have a history of neglect, abuse, rape, etc?
Will she tell you if she does? Really tell you. Seriously, people hide this stuff for generations.
Does anyone really remember numbers after a few partners. I've had three partners, my partner lost count but thinks it may have been over 200. But, I've never been sexually abused, raped, and neglected.
A
female
reader, Yetilicious +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Well, despite numbers...it really IS her past and she can't do anything to change that. But if you can't get over it, then there's no way this relationship can work out. If it's something that you are always going to think about, then it's best to get out now. I don't know how you get over thinking about something like that, 19 is a significant amount. But everyone is different...maybe she's just not the right one for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): It's retroactive jealousy. Maybe you haven't heard of it. It's extremely common. But it gets treated as something to be ashamed of because it conflicts with people's common practices and women don't suffer from it nearly as much as men do.
Your sexual values do not match your girlfriend's. That is the bottom line. You don't like what she did because YOU wouldn't have done it yourself in her place. You could have and you didn't.
She even suggested that you have some flings with other girls to try to help you with it. See what I'm saying? I'm not blaming her for suggesting that idea but it is indicative of you different you are from her in this area. You want less other sex partners between the two of you, and she is suggesting that might help if you try adding more. COMPLETELY different sexual values.
There is no magic pill, no treatment, no relief from the feelings. Either you deal with them or you break it off. That's all you can do.
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