A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, there is a girl that im completly in love with, but she has a boyfriend, im completley in love with her and were best frineds. you can see how that makes it difficult. but she has found out that i like her. i am now talking to my ex-girlfriend and have discovered that i like her. im having to choose, i know that i want to go off with my ex who likes me, but i cant tear myself away from my best friend. the trouble is my best frind gets very jelouse about any other boy mate having a girlfriend, i know this is selfish of her, but the last time this happened with the same two people my best friend told me to go away. so i had to make a choice and i chose my best friend. now im in love with my best friend and i have a chance with someelse but i know that one day her and her boyfrind will break up and i will have missed a chance, but i just keep waitng because my child hood is wasting away. The bottom line is, how do i tear my self away from my best friend who im in love with but who, if i have a relshonship with someelse, will hate me. i just want to be happy and at the moemnt im just depressed about seeing her and her boyfriend and not knowing what to do. i know i need to get over my best friend, but i cant. and if i do it will be so difficult because ive adapted my life to be woth my best friend and it will just ruin my whoel life style. sorry if this is too long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): im also in a similar situation... i recently started work and i met a beautiful girl there she's 17 and im 17 problem is she has a boyfriend and yeh hes 18 but i got the impression she really likes me and ever since i first saw her i wanted to ask her out but i got talking to her first to make sure she didnt have a boyfriend guess that bit backfired :( but i do think im fallin in love with her and i would like to be with her but because of her boyfriend i know i cant WHAT SHOULD I DO ?
A
male
reader, 584  +, writes (17 June 2009):
I can't believe how similar this is to my situation. I am 17 and I am completely in love with this girl who has a boyfrind. This girl is so nice to me and everyone else that I can't tell if she likes me or is just being her normal self. I also have another girl who I sort of like. She really likes me apperently but I would so much rather be with this girl who has a boyfriend. I think that after reading various responses to questions like this that the best way to finnish this is to straight up tell her and if it doesn't work out then, well at least I won't be thinking what if for the next few months like I have in the past. I have become extreamely depressed due to this situation and I desperatly want it to end. The best part of our youth is almost over and there is no sense in waiting for something to happen. I have never been in a serious relationship though so I don't know exactly what I will do if I succed. All I know is that I have to try soon because this love I have for her is too great to waste.
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A
male
reader, Chino  +, writes (7 June 2008):
Last year I met this girl and I completly fell in love with her.
She has a boyfriend , but she was like everyday visiting me at my house ,because it wasn't going well in her relationship.
Later on she fell also in love with me , we are even having sex now but still she wont leave him .
Many times we had arguements and I told her why she doesn't leave him and she answers me: " I just can't ."
Once she tried to leave him but the next day she went back because he told her that he would work on their relation .
And now he is completely changed (how a boyfriend is supposed to do ) but still she visits me and we are doing are "stuff".
The reason why we have arguements is because I'm tired of hiding , I can't do anything with her in public , everytime I have to be in my house with her.
About sex : it's her first boyfriend , so many things she didn't know , I taught her a view and now she is doing things with me , she never even did with her boyfriend .
What must I do ?? Should I leave her ? Continue with her ??
Should I just step up to her boyfriend and tell him that his girlfriend is chaeting on him with me ??
Can You please help me ?? I'm so fed up with this , but I love her soo much !!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): I too am in the same position.
I do agree with what lots of people have said; that if she felt the same way she would have told you/not be going out with her BF.
But the decision I've come to is that if YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE IN LOVE then you have every right to fight for that love as hard as you can. We are not always responsible for the way our hearts behave, but we are responsible for the way WE behave... talk to this girl seriously and explain how you feel properly and deeply. You never know, she may realise that she will get just as much from you as she already is from her BF - maybe she'll realise you love her more than he does.
I can't deny that it might not work out... but if you never try you'll never know. I disagree that you should block her out completely becasue if you're as good friends as you say your friendship can survive this and worse.
Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, agonyunclechris +, writes (11 April 2008):
 hey.
the way i see it as a life coach wich i am .is that you have an oppertunity with your X at the moment but not with your best freind right? you need to take every oppertunity you get in life if you want your life to be a full one. waiting around in the hope you best freind will like you will just drag you down emotionally and make you more and more depressed! However if you did go with your X then think what was the reasom u broke in the first place! could it happen again? and as for your freind being jelous. a true freind wouldnt be jelous to see you happy.
SO THE BOTTOM LINe is get with your X no matter what your freind says. just tell her she has to accept you are happy and if she is your freind she will seee your happy and be happy for you.good luck
chris
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): i know how u feel man... ive been looking on various websites and they all say the same thing though.
"tell her straight up u like her, but it might ruin ur friendship."
its a different story for me though...
yea, im in love with this girl AND she's my best friend.. She also has a boyfirend..
the bad part is that her boyfriend's a good friend of mine too... and if i tell her, thats 1 (possible) person that might not be my friend.. and if her bf finds out i like her, which is probobly very likely she'd tell him... he might not be friends with me either...
as for the 'ruining friendship (with the girl)'... she's been through alot.. shes told me, some stuff about her parents ignoring her.. having no friends (which i kno isnt true b/c she has plenty of friends)... And whenever we talk online and i put acouple of dots (....) after an IM, she'll be like 'whats wrong?'. Ill say nothing, and she would say something like "its me probably.. I always mes things up around here." or say stuff like "my own problems always cause more"..
I HATE when she gets like this!!!@!!
its never her fault!!!! omg it rips me apart when she does the frowny faces and stuf!! i hate when shes sad, but shes like always sad because she has some stuff going on at home...
and if her bf gets online when shes not, she'll be like "tell him i love him"... shes asked me alot of times.. but i couldnt say that.. i just cant.
____
anyway.. moving on.
she would prolly feel uncomfterable if i told her.. but i know she'd still wana be friend with me..
i mean im her best friend.. and shes mine.
so i guess now the only problem is her bf.
idk wut would hapen between us because were good friends and i cant have him hating me or saying stuff to his gf to not hang out with me anymore or something...
everytime she talks to me i wanna just tell her.. so bad that sometimes my shoulders will get numb or start to feel cold...
she gives the best hugs in the world.. shes the perfect girl..
i love everything about her. and ill leave it at that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): dude i know how you feel i promise. i am completly in love with a girl who instead of asking out i allowed to become my best friend. she has a boyfriend whom she never told me about.
the main thing is you have to ask her point blank if she feels the same way about you. if she does not and you still want to be friends it is going to be torture on you i promise, i'm doing that to myself. it will hurt for a while but the best thing to do is just to tell her that unless she breaks up with him for you, you just can't be friends. i know this sounds harsh but you have to do what is best for you in this situation, if she loves(likes) him more than you she still has him, she'll be sad but she'll get over it. you will however, continue to struggle with the fact that you want to be with her and see her with another person. it is my experience at 24 that not having a person you love is the most painful experience there is. if you love her and you can't be with her or be friends without feeling pain you need to let her go. you are still in highschool there are other fish in the sea. also if you've broken up with someone there is usually a reason, you probably need to move on and find someone new all together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): you see, im in kind of the same situation, im in love with my best friend but we are of the same sex, i really don't know how over these last couple of months i've fallen so deep. We were so close, our lives revolved around eachothers, everyone thought we were going out, but all of a sudden, some guy came into the picture and i slowly distant myself away. I couldnt bare the pain any longer, her telling me how much she liked him. So one day we went out to dinner, and she told me that she missed me soo much and that she loved me soo much and that she was sorry for kind of "forgetting about me". She said she couldn't stand me so far away from her and that she was kind of jealous seeing pictures of me with my other friends because she was the one who was suppose to be there. I found this the best time to tell her how i felt, so i gave her a poem i wrote for her explaining how i love her, more than she thinks. She told me that she likes me the same exact way but was scared to tell me becasue she didnt know if i felt the same or if it would ruin of lovely friendship. Now, im so happy or at least i should be cause i got such a loud off my chest but she still has this guy and they really like eachother. I feel used, like im the one she has when hes not around. How i wish i had someone who can help me forget about her or at least try. Maybe the best thing for you to do is to give it a try with your X.
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (5 November 2007):
 starfairy has made some awesome points, but there are few things that still need to be said.
Women do not get into relationships with friends. If you are her friend then you will never be a bf. Unless she already thought of you as relationship material to begin with - in which case she'd be with you and not some other guy - she will not get together with you. I know, I've been there and it's NOT fun.
She gets jealous when her male "friends" get into relationships, because it takes focus away from her. In general, women want attention and attractive women want attention even more (since they're used to a lot of attention) so when you were in your relationship with your ex she forced you to choose because she was unwilling to only have part of your attention. If you left, she probably would've found another guy to shower her with attention.
If you broke up with your ex because you chose your best friend, then I would consider getting back together with her. Your friend is really not a friend to you if she refuses to let you be happy in a relationship.
One last thing, let's put things into perspective. You are in high school. Your life has barely begun at this point. Yes, you have gone through tumultuous times but the bulk of your life is ahead and not behind. In a few years, you're going to probably go off to college and make new friends. Losing one friend is not that big a deal. There are 6 or 7 billion people on the planet, I'm sure one of them are willing to be a good friend to you.
I'm sorry if I'm coming off as slightly harsh, but I've been in a similar situation in the past and I would hate to see you repeat my mistakes even with the benefit of my experience.
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A
male
reader, Ryder  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 ok man im gona answer you right from the heart... Cause i myself am currently right in the same situation. But i may know a but more than you. This best friend of yours which is also my best friend and also the girl im crazy about.
So lets see you got to know a girl who you really liked but by the time she knew it she had already been dating another guy who she doesnt love so much and keeps fighting with. You then meet a girl who you like too but you blow her off for your best friend which you really like but even though you met that other girl your madly in love with you best friend.
Listen man im gona tell you the truth this best friend of yours that you love doesn't love you, your her friend and you will never be more. But she does however love the fact that she gets attention from you all the time. When that attention turns to another girl she will go berzerk. So to put it bluntly YOU WILL NEVER BE IN A RELATIONSHIP with her so wake up from your fantasy land and get up. The right thing is always the hardest to do.
Just get her out your life ignore her dont be her friend simply delete her only then will you get back to your actual life and be able to meet other girls without any doubts.
If you dont she will always keep you under her spell at the tip of her finger controlling you. Please listen to me and just walk away and dont look back.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (4 November 2007):
 Firstly, you need to ask yourself this: are you really her best friend or are you friends with her because you want to be with her?
And as for the ex, she is an ex for a reason. Generally, it doesn't work when you've broken up for a reason, that reason will come back around. But you never know, you both might learn from your previous mistakes in your relationship.
As for your best friend getting jealous of you having other girl friends or lovers, she has no right. So she should be happy with her boyfriend but you're not allowed to have anyone to cuddle while she's off with her boyfriend? What does she expect you to do, sit around twiddling yhour thumbs until she's ready to see you?
If she felt the same way about you, she would be with you. I'm sorry that's harsh, but you said she knows how you feel. So if she was also in love with you, wouldn't she ditch her BF to be with you?
I don't think you are being treated right by your best friend. You might be willing to be a doormat now because you think you are in love with her, but she is taking advantage of the fact you have feelings for her, she is enjoying the power she has over you without having to really give anything back.
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