A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm sooo confused about this this girl I know doesn't want me to join the marine corps and basicly I love her a lot idk what she thinks of me but everytime I ask her what would she think if I join the military she always said nooooo don't join you'll die, and the other day I ask her a question like would we still be friends if I joined the military she never answered the question and Now she avoids talking to me and loggs off when I say hey what's up we always talk and she would say I'm cute or something like that we have known each other for like 6years and with one question I mess it all upWhy is she doing this?does she feel the same way I feel? Why isn't she talking to me?How can I fix this?
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female
reader, jaylee kristen +, writes (3 August 2010):
 My boyfriend is about to go into the military and I am scared yes but I felt as if he wanted to do it he could I don't want to stop him from what he wants I'm not saying she's being selfish because I didn't want him to go either but as someone said you should write her an email saying how you really feel and you may not be an item later on down the road so your going to look back and say well why didn't I join and also the military is a huge choice so make sure you think LONG and hard about it before you act on it because you may not truely be ready inside and once your there you'll want to be home and you can't.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): I think she does like you. If she does, and she's concerned about the risks of military, then that could explain her behavior regarding the issue.If I were you I'd think twice about what I wanted to do. If joining the military is important to you, then maybe it may be worth joining anyway. Then depending on what bothers her with the military (the risks or the ethical/moral issues involved, like having to injure people) you can either explain you'll be as careful as you can and avoid getting into trouble, or explain why you think joining the military is worth it, like that the benefits of helping your country outweights the traumatic events involved or something.If you want to get together with her, and that's potentially more important then the military, then you need to talk to her, so you know where she stands before you make a pick.If you want to attempt both having the girl and the job, then you'll likely need to discuss this through with her carefully.Maybe there are particular positions you can choose that fulfills what you hope to accomplish in the military, but that reduces the risk of having to fight with people in Iraq or Afghanistan.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (28 April 2010):
 I'm another Marine wife who is a avid pacifist (and also, married to one), who was definitely not keen on the whole military idea. I'm still not. And it is just as difficult as I suspected it would be. I can understand your girlfriend who is afraid for you, afraid of missing you and afraid of all the consequences that military life brings.
Give her a little time to sit on the idea and then go out for a walk and talk about things, what this means for you and what it will mean for your relationship. And, you can tell her how much you care about her and love her. See how she feels about it.
Do what you see fit for your life, and if being in the Marines is something that you need to do with your life, do it. Don't give up what your heart draws you to for a girl who doesn't support you in your dreams. It's not that she's a bad gal, it's just that you have different visions for your life and that's just how life goes sometimes.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 April 2010):
 I agree with the anonymous poster.
Having been a military wife for almost 12 years, I can tell you it's not a bed of roses. Like so many other things it is what you make it.
However, if the Marines is your dream, I say follow it.
My husband have been in the military half his life (almost 20 years) been deployed 3 times, he is still alive and well. He worked on an oil rig for a while and almost lost his life twice... so go figure.
She is scared. It is a scary thought to know someone you care for will be in harms way.
She might think that you rather do "your" thing then be with her.
How can you fix it? I don't know. Down the line, you two may not be an item, even if you don't join. That is why I say follow you dreams.
I would write her an e-mail expressing what you feel and think. The the ball will be in her court.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2010): As a military wife and a daughter of a veteran all I can say is this:
1) She is saying what she is saying out of fear. This fear is natural but it is still nothing but fear. There is no guarantee that if you join the military that you will die from that decision or not.
2) The only guarantee is how you will feel if you decide not to join because of her fears. Will you resent her? If this is a long-held desire, to join the military, then you have to weigh which is more important to you. In the end the choice to join is yours and yours alone.
3) If she cannot support you 110% no matter what then she is not ready to be your girlfriend/lover/wife/anything while you are in the military.
Try talking it over with her and state your feelings clearly.
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