A
male
age
41-50,
*avic
writes:Sorry for the length of this one.Im in love with a girl I have been friends for 5yrs and lovers for 5 months. We were co-workers/friends about 5yrs ago, parted ways, kept in tough and now in love and happy for the most part. Only problem are the skeletons coming out of her closet. Throughout the 5 months, I have caught her in some serious lies and deceptions which has led us to 3 breakups. Our relationship is very serious and she has wanted me to propose to her. I love her but all the deception and lies has me scared and they are taking its toll on me :( First I discovered she has a sugar daddy boyfriend who she met online, who endured a 4hr flight a few times a month to see her, buys her stuff, pays her car payments and some bills for the past 2yrs. He is about 65, much much older than us. He has visited her 2 times since we have been together and she lied to me to free up the weekend for him to visit. I paid a surprise visit to her home to discover this :(She insists there is no sexual relationship anymore even though he sleeps in the same bed when he visits. I do know she cheated on him with her ex boyfriend and worry this is happening to me.One day I was working on her computer and discovered she was actively on a online dating site during our relationship. Keep in mind she still has this long distance older guy as well. She was exchanging phone numbers and messages but insist she never met any of them. I asked her to close it and it took a month later for her to do so.I also discovered her chatting online with her ex boyfriends and guy friends. When confronted, she said nothing was going on so we quickly looked at one of the chat logs with her former boss, a very wealthy CEO about kissing each other and visiting but she insists they are only friends. She told me they slept in the same bed once but nothing happened, no kissing or anything. Keep in mind all her ex boyfriends are doctors, lawyers, executives, etc while im just a lowly engineer so I feel very insecure here. She hides her Facebook posts and pictures from me and her boyfriends. Almost all these guys she met online and are older wealthy types. She controls what they can see, we have so many pictures of us on facebook from tahoe, europe, dinners but she hides these from her boyfriend friend's listThis is not a big deal but she has never told me she was previously married with a 16yr old son months into our relationship. All the other guys knew this but oddly she never mentioned it to me.Again, not an issue with me but yesterday I discover on her Facebook wall she just got a new job after being let go a few weeks earlier. Again, her friends knew but not me. Now i question all the lunches she went out to during her unemployment, when she told me they were with her group coworker.One of the breakups was when she told me a few times she was done with her other boyfriend (the old guy) but on a friday night he tried to call her 3 times and she lied saying it was her son even after I saw the name of the caller. I saw her sending texts and emails with him saying she loves him and misses him. When I confront her about him she says he has only flow out here two times because she loves me and nothing happens in bed :( Of course I must be the only nut to believe it :( what to do? I love her and feel she loves me. and when i catch her in a lie she swears up and down that she is telling the truth but I know 100% she is not :(Im not sure what to do. There are a few more smaller lies i wont go into details to keep this rant short :(
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co-worker, facebook, her ex, insecure, kissing, long distance, met online, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 July 2011):
 THE LIES will never stop. marriage will not fix the cheating. or the need for her to have all the attention from members of the opposite sex...
I think personally she's using the guys online and you.
I'd walk away and salvage my dignity as best as I possibly can...
A
male
reader, Will 77 +, writes (8 July 2011):
One question: Do you want to spend your life with a liar?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): You obviously have low self esteem but I guess in your book it's ok to be lied to isn't it.Firstly if you are having sex with this woman get yourself tested for STD's, you're taking her word that she's not sleeping with these guys yet you are catching her out on other lies when you know she is definitely lying to you. So what is it? Are you burying your head in the sand hoping that she's not sleeping around because the truth hurts?Yet when confronted with the truth that this woman is a liar, you still do nothing?she keeps in contact with men yet you do nothing? She fails to mention a 16 year son!!!! Lol what is it you love with this woman exactly who treats you like dirt, hiding her phone, lying about who's calling her, being visited by other men who fly 4 hrs and buy her gifts only to sleep in her bed and cuddle? Come on dude, you're at least 36 years old, have some sense, its not love, it's dependence and comfort and having a woman in your life for the sake of it.Go to a gym, get some self worth in your life,heck even join a dating website, go and date and see that there are woman out there who are not users because this woman will break your heart. You worry more about what she is up to, who is calling her, what is going on on her facebook than actually enjoying each others company, and when someone says "I love you" that means she's not out calling other men, writing them, and spending time with them. Grow some nuts and be a man. Better to be alone than to be used.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, a_maldita  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 With everything that you have said I don't know what to say to your gf...She is one of a kind and can't imagine someone that is inlove with you would do such things.You have no reason to be insecure about the past ex's because they are not better than you.You have to tell your gf to stop it then start to pay respect to your relationship and if she refuses then you have to move on and forget about her.Surely you deserve better than a gold digger and a cheater...Hood luck to you!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): All I will say is you know full well you are being taken for a ride and you choose to stick around.
You know the answer but you won't do it because you have no intention of splitting up with her even though she has shown herself to be a slutty gold digger.
For that, you get no sympathy from me.
You are letting her treat you this way. That is why she lies, because you let her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 She has asked you to propose, but you two are not an item yet. There is no relationship when there is no real self to love. She does not belong to you. Don't let your happy brain chemicals fool you to believe that it's real love. It seems like she has the power to keep men in strings and that you have none. You only give away power to her if you believe that her power is real. Stop thinking whether she cheated. Remember she is never truly yours to begin with.
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A
male
reader, JayJay101 +, writes (8 July 2011):
i want to give you an honest opinion as a man, i believe your gf is cheating on you. i do not know if she is cheating on you with this man physically but i do know that she is cheating on you emotionally and respectfully. a woman that respects her man and her relationship and love for her partner would never go behind the back and do these kind of things i suggest you talk to her and get to the bottom of this and just move on because i believe this girl is bad news...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2011): No woman is worth losing your dignity over. I wouldn't be surprised if you eventually found out she was an escort. This will only get worse...not better. RUN!!!!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (8 July 2011):
 A simple response.
People who have NOTHING to hide...hide nothing.
Your gf is a liar, you know this. She could be telling others that you two sleep together, but nothing happens.
Sorry, not buying it. Your gf is a golddigger AND a slut.
Run Forrest, RUN!
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