A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, So Me (17) and my Gf (14) have been going out for 6 months, I have always done everything I could for her, Bought her games to play when her mum was drunk, Spent weekends out with her. Did everything I could for her. I even managed to get her mum to drink less just so she could be happyer. I got rid of all my friends so she could be happy that i wasnt cheating on her but we kept breaking up. She kept saying she would hurt herself and dissapear so I left her. This was the 5th time we had broken up and I had desided this was it. No going back. She is just going to keep playing with my emotions. Im already on anti depressants because of this relationship.So I told her it was over for good. First she said I was a ^^^^. Then she got her friends to steal my bag, She took on of the expensive presents I had got her for her birthday and broke it right in front of me. But then that night she said she was sorry. That she was sorrie and she wanted me back. I asked her for us to have a 12 month break and she said no. Now or never and so I said never. She started screaming at me for breaking her heart and so I just hung up. The next day she said shes sorry after most of the day of abusing me. Asked me back and said she had changed. that she would do anything for me and after some time I conseeded. We were back together even though I didnt personaly think she had changed and I thought it wasnt going to work out anyway. Now she says that shes putting all the work in and that she cant do this on her own. I love the girl. I have done everything for her that I could but now I just lost all faith in her and its just not the same.What do I do? I dont want to hurt her again. My family does not like her, Her sister hates my guts for breaking up with her in the first place but I love her but then she hurts me and causes so many problems. What do I do?
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female
reader, Cupid_or_Stupid  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Your girlfriend is insecure. If she hasn't had a very supportive, loving upbringing then she isn't coping with the affection you are rightfully giving her. She's not used to it and doesn't know what to do with it so she's pushing you away, realising she was wrong and asking for you back.I know because I've done the same many times. She's scared of how she's feeling, how close you are because the close people in her life ( eg. Her Mum) have hurt her and so she doesn't want YOU to hurt her so she gets in there and hurts you first. Unfortunately, no amount of reassurance will help this. She has to find it in her own timeHOWEVER. This is just as much about you as it is her. If you love her then you'll want what is best for her. Something you can't give her if at this moment in time you aren't happy yourself and are on antidepressants. Only when you are completely healed can you start working on her and helping her heal. You can't fix something with broken tools. I would say, don't leave her completely (because that would only make her worse) but take a step back, try and be there for her as a friend but focus on yourself more. Hope this helped :)Good luck! x
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Break up with her and cut ties. You've done it several times already. You can do it again, this time for good.
Life is full of uncertainty, disappointment and setback. Assuming the responsibility for someone else's happiness is too big a burden for anyone to shoulder. Which is why you're not supposed to do it.
Your girlfriend is understandably unhappy. I grew up with a violent alcoholic parent so I can appreciate the frustration she lives with. However her own behaviour is her choice and she has chosen to be volatile and abusive. She hasn't changed and is unlikely to any time soon.
Even if she was doing most of the work after the last time you reconciled, she was only getting a taste of what you'd been doing all along. You've gone above and beyond the call of duty here. You're not raising your girlfriend up. She is dragging you down.
To keep taking her back to avoid feeling badly about hurting her is akin to her mother continuing to drink to avoid feeling badly about her own issues. You can't avoid pain. You must work through it.
Anti-depressants are powerful mood altering drugs. The fact that you're taking them at all, and at such a young age, is rather alarming. Pills merely suppress the symptoms. They do not cure the problem. If you want to BE happy, you've got to DO things that make you happy.
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A
female
reader, curiousandconfused  +, writes (10 September 2011):
Wow, she's 14 - she's pretty much a kid with some major emotional problems. You've done everything for her but it's never enough. AND you got rid of your friends because she was jealous - a totally unreasonable demand on her part.It sounds like she cares more about herself than she cares about you. I'm not saying she doesn't care about you, but she seems pretty self-absorbed and needs to see a therapist. And again, she's 14 - not at all mature, a child practically, with raging hormones.You're on anti-depressants because of this emotional rollercoaster ride that you keep getting back on. You both are young - she especially young - and I would hate to see you spending years trying to survive in what sounds like an agonizing relationship. I know what it's like to constantly try to help someone else and get sh*t on, or to try to help someone who just won't change. I think you need to get out of the relationship for your own sake. There's a whole world out there to enjoy and right now you're wrapped up in her crazy drama. I know it's a cliche, but time will heal and you will eventually stop thinking of her in a romantic way. Tell her that you care deeply for her, or that you love her - but you just can't deal with this - you're on ANTIDEPRESSANTS, GAVE UP YOUR FRIENDS and you're mental health is becoming a wreck. Tell her you don't have what it takes to help her and that it would be so good for her to see a professional, a therapist who can truly help her. And if you can, let her family memebers know how emotionally troubled she is and that she needs therapy. I've given away so many years to selfish and/or needy people - when all this time I should have been taking care of myself and finding the right kind of people to be with. Have strength and remember this is your life. Then let go of her and help her from a distance (a huge distance) by praying for her. Good luck, you can do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2011): She loves you.
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