A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am 18 years old. For several months, I had a Japanese woman stay at my house when she visited the united states. She is 11 years older than I am. She is very sweet and cute. We enjoy long talks and find that we have many things in common such as taste in movies, music, food, etc. While we were making dinner together one day, she asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told her that I was single. She then told me that she is surprised I am single. She also said that I was cute and kind and sweet and that many Japanese girls would like me. As the days went by and spending lots of time with her, my feelings for her grew. It was a sad day when I had to take her to the airport for her trip back to japan. She hugged me and with a tear said that she would miss me much. For over a year now, we still keep in touch via email. On our birthdays and Christmas, we sent each other gifts and basically send lengthy emails to each other everyday..I really do love her and think about her everyday and am saving money to go to japan to see her. Is this a waste of time? Is it actually possible for me to get together with her or is our age gap too big?
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 November 2010):
 LDRs are hard enough but an international one? Those are the worst. She doesn't live another state in the US, but in a different hemisphere. More or less you guys are pen pals right now, it's great that you're saving up for a trip to Japan..If anything it's good you're branching out to see the world even though it may be for a girl. Realistically, how often can you fly over to Japan and vice versa? Maybe once or twice a year? In a LDR you have to have some travel in order for it to work...and eventually LDRs don't last forever one or the other will have to move to be with the other. The only that is possible in this LDR is if you obtained a work visa for Japan, but you have to have certain skills and qualifications in order to apply for one. Or you would have to marry her, then work out either of you living in US or in Japan. If you love this woman, that's a lot to take in and consider. Honestly, I think you're too young to engage in a LDR, especially an international one because the distance is unbearable at times. But, I would keep on emailing her getting to know her..and go visit her in Japan just for the experience, maybe you can get to know her better, and how her country functions.
A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (5 November 2010):
Age gap isn't overly a massive concern. The bigger concern is that you are young and throwing your eggs into one basket for a woman on the other side of the world.
When you do save up your money to go an visit, the time you spend together you should really think why you are there and whether you both really think something can come out of it.
Do you really believe this would be sustainable and you can form a relationship? If so, one of you would have to move. Could you move to Japan? Would she move to the US?
This is a massive step and a massive commitment and I'm not sure if you realise how big it would be.
It's not like meeting someone who lives a couple of streets away that if it went wrong you just move on.
As for the age gap itself, your level of maturity will probably play a big part in it. If you are a young 18-year-old, it probably won't last. If you are mature, you stand a better chance.
Aside from that, I think you are personally better off sticking closer to home and finding someone more your own age.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): If you are prepared to accept the LIKELIHOOD that this relationship will not go the distance but would be happy for it to last a few years, then perhaps go for it. But as someone who also had a relationship with a woman who was 11 years older than me, I can tell you that at some point the age gap does become an issue. The older partner usually wants to settle down more, the younger wants to go out and about more (I don't mean on their own, I still mean with their partner, but they are more interested in staying in). Or the ticking clock becomes an issue as they approach their mid-30s and desperately decide they want children and you're not ready for that yet. Or they hit the menopause and the whole dynamic of the relationship can change.Having been through this, I can honestly say I would never have a long-term relationship with a large age gap again. Yes there were LOADS of good times, but I actually now look back and realise that I should have bailed out years before.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 In this instance, age is but a mere number and is of little consequence when measured against the strength of your every heartbeat devoted to your thoughts of her. I say pursue her and tell her how you feel about her. I have larger age gaps, ones that dwarf this in comparison. Do not worry, I hope you find her and I hope things work out between you two.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 sorry but there is no future here for you. sad but true. she is way too old for you.
it's not what you want to hear, i know but thats what i feel.
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