A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessjasmine
writes:I lost my virginity to someone I barely know, I'm 23 and I dont know why I did it. i was always a good girl with muslim values, good parents. I always wanted to wait for my husband to do it. But I had done everything else including oral, with different guys, I felt like taht was all i was good for, I felt that I'm incompetent at fallingin love b/c i get scared of commiting and no guy really did it for me where i felt confident in saying i cud spend the rest of my life with this person.I'm 23 and all my friends are married or engaged, and I keep asking myself, why me? I was fed up and mad that I couldn't find the right guy.Also, a year ago I met the guy that I thought I was gona marry....for once, or finally I had met someone who I actually WANTED to talk to for hours and not get annoyed with and i wasn't 'fake laughing' or feeling like hey 'your fun but im just not attracted to u' for once everything was in place, I DID want to be with him and that was so exciting b/c that NEVER happens to me, except for the fact that he didnt want it back. He wasn't ready and I was, and he broke my heart badly (you know giant tears, feeling like you got hit with a bowling ball in the pit of ur stomache kinda loud crying) and i was like this for months, Im still not completely over it and still dont get why it didnt work, where i went wrong. Regret over stupid things I did/said to him that maybe pushed him away.It sounds so pathetic and so NOT strong that b/c of that one dude I got so mad and gave oral to one random guy i didnt even find attractive and one guy i just kissed and jerked off for attention and this feeling of 'well he likes me, and u dont so they get me and u never will' when i was just hurting and disrespcting myself. Well, i told myself i didnt need a man and that i can be an independant career oriented girl so i went out and got a job overseas, but it doesnt start til the fall so i got bored and was in a rut. No real job, still thinking about him, still being upset that my parents want me married and i feel pressured, i cant like anyone, no guy is finding me intersting so i rebelled. Im Pakistani american. I started dating a white guy (i never interdate) i didnt take him seriously b/c i knew that we cud never marry. I just wanted to have fun, i was fed up. Then i met a sexy italian guy who was 3 yrs younger than me. I found him gorgeous and he liked me, he gave me the attention i craved. I said i didnt have sex before, and he was the first guy out of many taht made me feel REALLY good physically. I liked the feeling so much, i had explored everything about orgasms and my body and what i liked sexually but he gave me the best oral sex that I couldnt help but say yes to sex....it wsa out of : rebellion, anger at that guy i fell for, and out of this feeling that i'd never find love or marriage so i might as well jsut do it now and enjoy this sexy man. So i had sex, i went from being an angel to having sex, and i wasnt regretting it until i told my best friend and she said that was immature of me and that i needed to love myself. She thinks that my future husband will think its ridiculous that my excuse for losing my virginity is so stupid and immature that he wont wana marry me. Im so worried now, I just thought hey if he doesnt accept me for who i am then hes not right for me, but shes rite, what good guy would wana marry a girl like me? a girl who makes irrational decisions with a guy i barely knew. Do you think I was crazy? I'm trying to figure myself out? Figure life out and figure why the heck i just made such a fast decision and didnt even feel guilty until my friend pointed it out. I still dont feel guilty about having sex, i liked having it and it was fun....sex is just an act, but i AM scared of my future husband, what will he think? for all the good guys out there, what do u think?I'm not a bad person, I'm goal oriented and ready to start working overseas, I know that work will consume my life and i wont be worried about finding love or marriage, but right now, i am thinking about it a lot and made this irrational decisioun taht i can never get back. I just wana know what you guys think about all this.When I start thinking about the 'good' me I do start regretting it. I'm sad.
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best friend, engaged, immature, lost my virginity, muslim, my ex, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Muslim Guy +, writes (19 May 2010):
So let me get this straight.. If you have a fight with your husband you're going to go and have sex with a complete strager?? I guarantee you unless you change ure personality you would get divorced within the first year of marraige. Don't even think about getting married until you fix your underlying issues.. You are going to ruin your life and someone else's life as well..
You sound extremely immature for your age.. I am actually looking to get married.. thanks for scarring the crappp outta me.. It would be so wrong for you to lie in order to get married as the sametime who in the right mind would marry you after listening to ure story.. unless you want to marry a non-muslim.. they probably don't care about these things.. but a muslim guy would careeee.. do you have anger issues?? I got so so many questions for you.. email me if you get a chance.. maybe we can talk on aim or something.. my email is [email address blocked]
A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (7 May 2010):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): i was raised very religiously too and as i got to my mid-twenties i began to panic as all my friends were married and having babies etc ... i just felt like the ugly duckling left behind. So after years of saying no, i was stupid and slept with a complete stanger for the first time. In a sense i was happy, nolonger did i have this virgin chain around my neck declaring how unloveable i was ... but then i was also heart broken, how could i ever tell anyone the truth of my stupidity. I'd always have to lie, claim i slept with an ex-boyfriend first or something. My family know a little bit of the truth because after one time sex, i fell pregnant ... after such a big mistake with a stranger I couldn't be even more stupid and kill the baby to hide my "sin". So i kept the baby and i have a lovely little boy now - sure its not the most ideal situation but i'm happy, i wish i had waited for the right guy or waited for my husband but i didn't and i cannot change that. So i just accepted it instead ... with any future partners, I just hope they see the person i have grown into today and realise that we all make mistakes but it is what we do after that counts. I have never acted so foolishly again and now i'm back on the right road so perhaps you (like myself) needed to screw up to realise what is important and what you actually want in life etc.don't regret what you cannot change, learn from it :)
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A
female
reader, ChristineAvril  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Only YOU know that you are no longer a virgin.......
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine +, writes (4 May 2010):
princessjasmine is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, I still think Muslim culture is a little more strict, i hope hes as open minded as u are, i only want an open minded person. I'm so upset!
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Hey girl, you made a mistake, but in the end you will be fine. I'm saving myself for marriage, and I would like my wife to have done the same. But I know that if she hasn't, then it doesn't change a thing. I will still love her and be devoted to her. And I will be proud of her as a wife. Your future husband will likely feel the same way.I'm Christian, so I have a completely different culture than you, but I can't imagine the base feelings of a man being different than my own. You lost your virginity to a man you barely knew. Yes, that is a mistake. But it's also one that you acknowledge and are concerned about. Don't look behind you, move forward with your life. There is nothing to be gained by regret.You will find the man you deserve. Cheer up, hon, things will work out in the end.
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