A
female
age
41-50,
*oojoe
writes:Hi all,I started online dating last October after being a happy single person for 2 and a half years. I felt ready to meet some new men and hopefully, someone to love.I went on two dates at the end of last year, two nice men but not for me. I went away for Xmas with family and during the free time, i checked my online dating account to read through a few messages. I replied to one guy as his profile really made me smile and struck a chord. We chatted via the site daily and then via email (one message a day). Shortly before I was due to go home, i sent him my mobile. I got home early January and we started talking on the phone of a evening and odd texts during the day, I knew at this point that he had a small child and was going through a divorce. His wife had had an affair but to rub suit in the wounds, was suing him for divorce. We finally met mid January after hours of talk and hit it off. Had a nice dinner out, good chat and a mutual fancy for one another. The following day (a Saturday) he invited me to his home (he lives 120 miles from me) and I went along.So, we embarked on a sexual relationship. Out of character for me to move so soon but I felt something very strong and almost unrestrained for him and, because we had spoken so much over the phone, felt I knew him enough. On hindsight, I would have never have moved so quickly.We continued to see one another every other weekend..mostly me travelling to see him. He lives with housemates and seemed comfortable with me there but we never again went out, just the two of us, for dinner. Ever since January, I think he has called me every day. However, as time went on, he became distant and not keen to see me even though he maintained contact via phone. When we did see one anther, there was very little sex and I started to feel very insecure.4 weekends ago, I went to visit him. We hadn't seen one another for a month. We went to the local pub for a few drinks and although he sat next to me, proceeded to talk to everyone else around us. So, I calmly stood and asked him to take me back to his house so I could collect my car and go home. He didn't understand and I explained that i had driven all this way and I didn't know what for. We then had a conversation that I had long wanted to have. I explained I felt like he didn't really want to be with me because there was little affection on his part. I told him if this was the case, please just tell me and I will say goodbye. He told me he had a lot on his mind with divorce, kid and work and knew he wasn't being very attentive. He spoke of making a home for us, of a desire to look after me and his child and 'if we had a baby further down the line, I'd need to provide for him too'. He didn't want to take any crap into a relationship with me. I understood that and offered to step back and give him time until such a day when 'we' were more a priority but he did not want that.I have been away for a few days last week with my family and he had left me messages saying he missed me and didn;t like not hearing my voice. He also stated that we book something up the weekend just gone. The day after, I was home. We spoke on the phone and he had arranged other things this weekend and didn't have time for me. I have been so accommodating, attentive and flexible but this time I just snapped at him. Told him this was not good enough that I did not understand this behaviour and that we now wont see one another until June and warned him to think carefully about the weekend. He couldn't really talk as he was at work. That night, he had a show down with his ex...just one week before their court date. I was so upset with myself that I had snapped at him on this day. I missed his call that night but he left a voicemail saying he felt like an utter failure.I have tried to put myself in his shoes but I am not a man, I have not experienced marriage or the failure of and I don't have kids. I have been a big support to him. Have listened to his woes, not cast judgement and not asked anything from him but to see him every now and again. He talks of wanting to be with me. He tells me he has fallen for me faster and deeper than he cares to admit and is scared. But his actions say different.I have become sad and unhappy and with my snapping at him and almost threatening him with action to see me this weekend, turned into a person I do not want to be. So, on Saturday I ended it. And it is the hardest thing I have had to do. I have spent three days crying. I couldn't tell him over the phone.I sent him email saying that I was sorry. That I was upset and that I did not understand his behaviour. I told him to leave me be and that I know he would fix himself in time and he would know happiness again. He replied to say if that was what I really wanted, he would do it but it is not what he wants and he hopes I change my mind and get in touch. He would always be there and hope to hear from me.Are there any guys out there who could make me understand what he is going through and what else I could have done? Is it simply that he is so screwed up, he just cannot handle any other woman right now? I think we may love each other but this is the wrong time. Any advice on what I can do next would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.
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affair, at work, divorce, his ex, insecure, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wolfred bane  +, writes (12 November 2010):
 depends on what you want. if a guy lets you go he truly loves u
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