A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:well...i live in the middle east in a country where sex before marriage is a sin worst then killingi've been with my bf for almost 6 months and we already had sexnobody knows about it...not even my best friend i'm so affraid of telling anyone because if my parents know they will kill me or kick me out of the house and if my friends know they will call me a bitch where all i did is love this guy that i wana spend my life withwe have never talked about marriage ... so m not sure if he wants to marry me or if he loves me the way that i do ... and i'm feeling a break up coming sooni dnt know what to doi have thought of having an operation that will get me a virgin again but i dnt like these thingsi like to think that the guy who wants to marry me will have to accept me as i ambut in here it's impossible to find a guy who would marry a girl that is not virgin ... if people know i will be called a bitch and my life will be ruinedwhat do i doooo???
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male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (16 August 2009):
 You shouldnt enter a marriage on a lie if you ever slip up and he finds the truth things will be bad plus its just not rte. Your not a virgin any more and God knows the truth if you lie about it he may punish you lying is more of a sin then not being a virgin which i dont think is a sin.Its not a big deal dont tell anyone I kno you have the urge to talk about it just control it and keep it to your self the middle east is not the place for a girl to be yapping about her sex life, I wouldnt be surprised if they did kill you for that. Sex is normal and natural all religious things aside all creatures have sex maybe humans are supposed to have more control but where not perfect. dont stress out over this boy you can talk to him if hes mature enough to sleep with you he should be able to help you now with your emotions over this issue.In the west most guys dont expect to marry a virgin the average age for sex is around 15. men are so stupid to shun women for this in sutch a mondern age.Things will work out for you dont think so far into the future and keep quite about your activity if you still want to have sex go for it stopping now wont make you a virgin again and you will have some experience and not be a dead fish for your husband.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): No one but know knows for sure that you are or are not a virgin. At best, what they can confirm is that your Hymen is or is not in tact. Hymen's get broken from more than sex. I agree with you that if you're in a loving relationship the man you've choosen to marry will love and accept you.If you can and want to - consider going overseas for a higher education and possibly meeting someone more progressive - sounds like the enviroment that you're living in may not align with your sensibilities.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): Well I do not know any thing about the value system in the middle east but having sex before marriage in my religion is a sin also and I am thinking about doing it myself with someone that I love that I know loves me back. My intentions was never to wait until marriage to have sex because that would be a hell of a long wait. Never the less it is also according to your age if you are an adult I do not see why your parents should have a problem with it. Sex mostly is a spiritual exchange between two human beings, it is the bonding agent that keeps couples together. It is the way love is expressed and if your parents cannot accept that, (hopefully you are really in love with this guy and he feels the same way about you), then you should reconsider telling them, if the consequences are way too harsh.
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A
female
reader, purple_butterfly  +, writes (15 August 2009):
I realise that youre very disturbed but just calm down for now. Impatience and freaking out wouldnt help at all. First of all, Id assume that you used protection and getting pregnant is not a worry. Now see dear, youre not sure if the guys wants to marry you and be with you.But you dont know if he wants to leave you. so its very uncertain. Dont let this affect your relationship with him but It sounds like you really love him and continue to show this love. However discuss with him, how u havin sex really distubed you and you may not want to continue sleeping together. So that is one thing. Now , it may so happen that you end up with the same guy and then you dont have to worry abt the virginity issue. Now suppose you break up right now, You know youre guna have to face the reality someday and marry another guy. If the idea of lossing virginity disturbs you so much, Id suggest that you dont date anyone else or dont have sex with anyone till youre married. Usually people discuss everything with their husband, because come on, youre to live a life with him. I would recommend speaking to the guy youre guna get married to. But i know your situation because I myself come from India and a lot of people there too consider girls who have had sex as bitches. youre still young and theres time for you to marry. Plus having sex once doesnt really stress youre vagina too much. If you have the heart to hide this from your future husband, you can try that. Because hymen can break through other reasons too. For now my only suggestion would be to take it easy, not have sex and stop freaking outI hope it helpedLove
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