A
female
age
41-50,
*uaro
writes:Hi, guys, I have been liking the guy from my college, we are both draduates. After months, he asked me about my feeling and uncovered his interest, yet he is very shy and reserve by nature. He asked me not to take him wrong as he might need some time and that he is very shy. he is referring to his interest in married life, but we never kissed yet...In a month time he is moving to another country, while there are chances that i will go there for couple of month project, still we won't be in the same country all the time. We have some travelling plans, but now while he is having his time, I want to spend as much time as possible together and I am afraid that we do not have enough time to develop strong relationship. it makes me very concerned. How can I make our relationship develop? Thank you.
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female
reader, puaro +, writes (16 August 2009):
puaro is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments!
In fact, we have been best friends and neighbours for a year, doing lots of things together, and we used to have amazing emotional understanding (now he is shy and me too and i don't want to discomfort him). For sure I can say that we share similar values and are emotionally compatible. It does sound like smth meaningful for me and I want to develop it, not throw away, just because he is moving. Of course, I know long distance relationship is fragile, but I prefer to take the risk to try. If it is real, it will work, right? And I guess I will try to talk to him about my needs and concerns and build on my trust in him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2009): The only way a relationship can be developed is 'spending quality time' together. I would think he's want that too. It appears your fellow is traditonal in the sense that he is ready to find a bride and he's quite marriage minded. And usually, a marriage is a very serious decision, one that very likely could be for a lifetime. It seems you and have had an upbringing where the teachings of respecting the importance of marriage is paramount here. So it sounds like you want to ensure if you and he pursue a dating relationship which will lead to a marriage...you most definitely need to know his personal values, his attitudes..you DO need to know him. The only way you can do this...is to talk to him openly and communicate what you need and desire. Marriage is important and if he wants a woman to spend the rest of her life with him...he has to respect her enough to give the time required to get to know him better. Please ask for that 'time', date him and absolutely no planning a wedding until you are certain he is the right one for you!
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (15 August 2009):
 You cantIt takes time. Things like this cant be rushed. And being at a distance will make the chances even more likely that this relationship will go into the toilet.Find someone in your town and date them. You will be glad you did.
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A
female
reader, becca b +, writes (15 August 2009):
spending a lot more time together and talking about how much you trust and love each other and other thing like you interests. its really just getting to know each othe rwell and trusting each other if there's no trust theres no relationship just remember to trust talk and knowing everything about each other hope this helpsBeccaxxxx
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