A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a Friend who was one if my best friends. In fact he was more like the little brother I never had.About a month or so ago, he got back with his ex, who had cheated on him in the past. He said at the time, he felt like he was making a huge mistake, but he loved and missed her and she felt the same. I said as long as he was happy, I was happy.Anyway, she recently kicked off at him about us being friends and he explained to her we are only mates and we have a brother/sister relationship. Bearing in mind He's 19, I'm 24 and I am actually engaged to my partner of 6 years and I love him.There has never been anything more than that between us and never will be, we were just very close. Anyway she was fine with it after he'd explained.She then kicked off about a week ago again, and sent me a message on facebook pretending to be him, saying don't ever speak to me again. When I questioned him about it, he said he was sorry, but he couldn't speak to me ever again as he needed to save his relationship. I was absolutely devastated.I then got a message off his girlfriend, saying she didn't appreciate our relationship as we "flirt" too much. Her interpretation of flirting is a few messages from me saying "hiya sweetheart are you having a good day?" or "have a good day babe" We've always spoke to eac hother like that by the way.She went on to explain that she dosen't like the manner in which we speak in and feels it's not acceptable for us to speak that way. I said to her she is obviously insecure because I have a partner of 6 years and I love him. There is absolutely no reason for her to think otherwise.Anyway my friend said they had argued about it and now as a result he's cut all contact with me. She's told me never to speak to him again and she says that he says the same. She said she feels better now nobody is going to call "HER boyfriend" sweetheart.I think it's absolutely ridicilous and I haven't stopped crying for days. Not only have I lost one of my best friends, I've also lost someone who was like my brother.I'm so angry, hurt and upset because I know she's made him choose between us, and while I wouldn't have wanted him to choose her over me, I wish he would have valued me as a friend and told her straight that she is being ridicilous. It shouldn't have even come to this, there's never been anything more between us. I'm absolutely heartbroke, but I've respected what he's said and not contacted him, but I did message him saying that I'll always be here.His girlfriend is obviously very jealous and insecure.I just don't know how to deal with this. I know I can't do anything but she is controlling him and it breaks my heart.
View related questions:
best friend, engaged, facebook, flirt, his ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (24 July 2012):
I'm pretty openminded and unless you have known him from birth I would feel pet names like the ones you use are over the mark. Maybe your feelings for him are stronger than you acknowledge? Now such an issue has been made of it I doubt if even you will be comfortable. Pity you hadn't got together as a foursome so she maybe wouldnt be quite so suspicious.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Yes, I tried to be friendly towards her but she was just having none of it. I told her that I'd suggested to him in the past that we should all meet up sometime so I can get to know her.
My partner has actually never met him, but knows about our friendship and has always been completely happy about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Being on the other side of this... It may be your friend that isn't doing everything that he can to make her feel comfortable before it came down to it. One thing that would've helped is by him letting you know that it now isn't appropriate to call him pet names like you were. Did you try to friend her before or did you see her as someone that isn't important or that you don't want another friend? Is he friend's with your husband? If your husband told you he felt uncomfortable about you two would you ignore him? There are two sides here, how she dealt with the situation was really bad.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): I actually apologised to her for calling him those things at the time, and she said fair enough, she believed me and knows there's nothing going on. So why is there still an issue?
...............................
A
female
reader, Beatriceandjohn +, writes (23 July 2012):
Tbh though I would hate a woman texting my guy calling him sweetheart to u he might be just a brother but to her he's his sweetheart be careful on what u say and who u say it to next time
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): Unfortunately people can be very territorial. While men and women can be very, very close friends and nothing more, you still need to respect a partner's wishes. I have a female best friend and everyone thinks we are a couple because we are so close. But we never call each other babe or sweetheart. I do think those words are really for partners, not friends, and while I don't agree with him cutting all contact with you for this woman who has insecurity problems, I wouldn't be happy if my girlfriend got texts from a bloke using the words babe or sweetheart. So I can see both sides of this.The only thing I know is that if I were in this situation, I wouldn't have chosen her over you in this way. There might have to be some change or adjustment in the friendship, but I think he's making a big mistake.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 You've done the right thing in letting him know the door is open. A young man like that, his hormones are probably raging and she is scratching an itch.
All you can do is hope that once the newness and novelty of the relationship wears off he will have a wake up call and re establish contact. He might not, but when that happens we just have to accept it.
Good luck!
...............................
|
