A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. It is around a four hour drive. Due to us both working for the summer I have only gone to visit him once. It was great when I did. We go to the same college during the year and only have a little more than a month until we're back at school. Everything was fine until a few days ago. He informed me he was going to be seeing his ex girlfriend who previously he had admitted he would have dated had she been single. He makes a ton of jokes all the time so he jokes and was like "I know what you're thinkingggg, shes a bitch right?". But that's just him normally. He jokes. Everything was still fine and we joked on the phone and said we loved eachother and all was fine. He went to his bartending that night and when he got out he texted me I love you. He then began to talk of how he's going crazy missing me because he cant see me. He said he liked to hang out with his exs because althought he cannot do anything with them, he likes the face to face conversation and attention. I offered a way for him to visit which would involved him taking a sick day but he did not want to. He then began to get very down, and said he was sad from missing me and was sick of working all the time and never seeing me. He got very depressed and informed me the ex he had seen and he broke up because he got depressed, they fought, and broke up. He said he thought I would be different but that's what he does. Later in the conversation I asked if he still wanted to be with me even though I was far and he said "I guess I'm sure I do". And later he said "I love you...I think". All of it really hurt my feelings and I don't know what changed. I asked and he said he just has depressions and is just trying to get through it without breaking up with me. I feel it may just be him trying to leave me so he doesnt feel as badly. He talked about face to face communication so I asked to skype, but we just wound up texting and he said it was making it worse because we were arguing. He may have been, but all I was trying to do was be a supportive girlfriend, telling him that I love him and I'm still there for him. It was like he was trying to pick a fight, most likely so he could respond by dumping me.I brought up how great it was when I came to visit and he said "Oh awesome, one day out of four months...Do the math and you'll have your answer as to why I'm unhappy". It made no sense to me that if you're depressed because you miss a girlfriend that you would dump her. Then I told him I was worried and he told me not to be so dramatic and asked if I was emotionally stable, which is really the only thing that really made me mad. After all of that he said he wanted to be alone so now I'm not talking to him. He also said at one point during the conversation he didn't think he needed a verifiable reason for being down, because people lose happiness and when he gets depressed things change fast , he withdraws, and changes whatever is making him unhappy (Which he is still insisting is partially due to missing me). He texted me the next morning saying that we have issues we need to talk about, but I'm not responding because now I want time too. I'm scared if I respond he's just going to dump me. It's harder because before we were so great and looking forward to seeing one another again. I get that he's unhappy but I thought being there for him would help. I am also unsure if this is just manipulation or if he's lying about being depressed. He used things I call "advantages" like never telling a girl she's pretty. He doesn't do this with me because I'm different, but I found out at the beginning of the summer that the number of girls he had been with was a lie (It was actually less).I got over that but then he was talking about highschool and he told him he wasnt happy then, and thought that now that I knew that I would get bored and leave him. So its all jokes, and then he wont flat out tell me details of his past because he said he's still getting used to sharing things with me and that "I'll figure it out along the way". I love him still. I feel like I shouldn't now but I do. I know this is all messed up but its even worse because I'm so far away. I don't think he'd cheat but I do think if he wants to take comfort from another girl, he would dump me. I just don't really know what to say to him.
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broke up, depressed, ex girlfriend, his ex, I love you, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LoveForeverxoxo +, writes (25 July 2012):
Well that's good you two talked and he said sorry to you. But it kinnda sounds like you sorta gave him permission to seek other girls? It sounds like he is not ready for a reltionship at all, and proubley had opportunitys to cheat on you, and im sure more will come, will he? You never know. He sounds like he really just wants to go out and do his own thing. Do you really want a man like that? If your fine with what he said with saying he wants to leave you for many other girls, but another part of him is saying he should stay, Dont you think he should be 100 % wanting to stay with only you? Cause right now it sounds like 50 % . You seem very nice and understanding but i dont think that talk would gave me any comfort, if anything id be maad. In a long distance reltionship it takes alot of loyalty and communication for it to work, now im not saying you to would work but arent you afraid of what hes out doing behind your back?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did actually talk to him last night because he apologized. He asked if I could be with him and forgive him for putting through the difficulties but part of him wants to leave me to have many girls, but the smart part (AKA not his penis), tells him to keep me. We talked and it seems he's just sort of freaking himself out because he's never been in a serious relationship before and its new and hes afraid that if we were to break up many years down the road, he'll have missed out on the time he could have spent being a crazy college student. I'm fun so I told him we could be adventurous together. He also said that he feels like he's too committed and wouldn't want to be more attached to me if he thought down the line theres a possibility of it not working out. I reassured him we're young and not to worry and to enjoy being with me now. He also said its just confusing and hard for him because with little time to talk and no time to see eachother he feels single and like he's in love with the memory of me because im not present at all. He just seems extremely concerned and thinking too much. I think things may change once were back at school and he did agree to try to come see me for a few days, even though I'll be working because the rest of the day he can spend with me. Today he texted me and talked on the phone and before I hung up he asked if we could skype later. I just texted him saying I would let him know when I got home from work. He responded with "Ok then babe :)" So he may be feeling better. He also apologized yesterday for treating me badly through this because through his frustration with work and being at home (He doesn't love his family), anger became misplaced and he directed it at me. I told him I would forgive him if he stopped playing games and agreed to communicate with me better through it, since I understand people get depressed sometimes.
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A
female
reader, LoveForeverxoxo +, writes (23 July 2012):
Im in a long distance relationship also, but were 1,245 miles apart. We've been together for two years. So i know were your coming from with the distane thing. You seem that your trying, and that you just want him happy. And i noticed how you metioned every time he talks about missing you, you give him support and then you even try to make him take a day off so he can see you, but he didnt want to? That does not make any since, ecspecially when he's telling u not being able to see you is making him deppressed. Then You wanted to sype and he didnt wanna do that either? Something is just not right. I dont wanna sound mean but If my bf was telling me how much he missed me and i asked him to sype or take a day off so he could see me, he would jump at the chance. What worries me with your bf is that he brought up his ex,and even " jokingly" said he would date her again if she wasnt taken. I honesly think He maybe saw his ex and it brought feeling back. And he's trying to make you feel bad and say he missing you and all this stuff and saying he's deppressed, when really it just sounds like he's looking for a way out, with out hurting you. I think you should really talk about it and say things you really feel, maybe bring up his ex and ask if he has feelings towards her again? If i were you, id end it. If he lets you go easily, then you know he was gunna end it anyways. If he comes back to you, then take him bak. unless he ran to his ex for a relationship with her. Trust me on this. something does not sound right about him hunn
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