A
male
age
30-35,
*r_miami
writes:Me and my girlfriend have been together for just over 9 months now and it' been absolutely brilliant with her. The thing is, I have trouble with paranoia.* I'll say now that this is a long distance relationship but she is coming to live with me soon *We are both young, me being 17 and her being 16. We are perfect together, I know it and she knows it. But my paranoia has just got worse, regularly accusing her of cheating and asking for every little detail about everything (e.g. when she goes out). I have also been having negative thoughts, in particular, her having sex with someone else. I have no idea why I'm having these thoughts, and I hate it!My girlfriend recently gave me an ultimatum: "stop being so paranoid and accusing me of bad things or we split up". Now, I can understand why she says this completely. I never want her to split up with me because I love her so much and she loves me too.We speak on the phone every night, and things are progressing slowly I think. But I never know when these thoughts and accusations are going to crop up again. It's weird but I find it hard to stop myself from saying certain things which would accuse her of cheating or whatever it might be.As I have said she is 16 and she has a a bad past. She has had 11 sexual partners already (not including me) and she cheated 3 times on one of her ex's but only because he did it to her, so she did it out of revenge which I think is stupid as she says cheating is a sick thing to do... Also she has a past of extreme alcohol intake and very bad drug abuse (taken nearly every single drug you can think of). She has stopped this now and I'd like to think she did it because I encouraged her not too and for our relationship. She has told me this too and I believe her on this.I just need help with my paranoia. If anyone has any advise on how to tackle this paranoia, please please please help me.Thank you very much!
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her ex, long distance, revenge, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 If the ultimatum alone can not keep your mouth shut, perhaps you should think whether you want to proceed with this relationship. If you cheats on you, you can kick her out. I mean what's the worst that could happen? Suicide? Killing the guy she's cheating with? That's just pure fantasy. You would probably just be heart broken. I am more concerned about the effects of her unhealthy lifestyle more than she cheating on you. You are only thinking about yourself. She had emotional pain lurking behind the happiness and the aspiration of a future with you. She needs someone who can be understanding as well as listening skills like a therapist. The toxins stay in her body for a long time. She may have permanent damage she doesn't know of until later on, like when she wants to have a baby. You have reserves about this relationship because until you are married you still have the option of walking away and find a virgin girl and with a healthier body. So the paranoia is not all a bad thing, just something like a warning sign. She does have a potential to heal completely, but you are not that person to inspire that, because you are focused too much on yourself.
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