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writes: Hi everyone, I would appreciate any advice anyone has for me. Six months ago I lost my baby boy through miscarrage at 30 weeks, it was completely unexpected as most of the pregnancy had been fine. I had already bought all of the things for his nursery and some toys and clothes. I remained off work for a month after then I went back, I work in a private day baby nursery, handling other people babies all day. I thought I was fine and starting to cope okay but in the last few weeks I've became reclusive, I haven't been to work (although they are being very understanding about it). I have hardly even left the house (not been out at all when alone). I have began obsessivly nagging my fiance' to start trying for another child, but he says it's too soon for him. I don't know how to restart my life, I don't know what to do? xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much everyone, your replies have been so sweet and im grateful for your time.
Monksdabomb- thank you! our wedding was put on hold due to me falling pregnant, we decided to use the money we saved for the wedding on an extension to the house for another bedroom and nursery. i took your advice though and i know it seems a bit silly but i walked to the shop and it made me feel more awake and like i could actually get something done today (instead of hiding in bed).
p.s- we named our baby Adam (i almost wish i hadnt named him straight away)x
damluvaam - thank you so much for your kind words. your right going back to work seemed to help me. babies never pitied me or treat me any different - its kind of nice.
my fiance' is being amazing but he's grieving himself. he hasnt cryed and wont go near the nursery when im always crying in the nursery. i worry that im not supporting him as i should. x
wonderingcat- thank you sooo much for all the information you've given me, that was really sweet of you it really helps to know there are other women who have dealt with this and gone on to enjoy life again. x
i agree with all of you that trying for another baby isn't really an option right now. i hope and believe our relationship will survive this, i've just never know heartache like this. i think i may be in delayed shock or something as the pregnancy was fine, he had just stopped kicking and i was advised to go to the doctors. it was so unexpected.
thank you all for your kind words xxx
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 I am sorry to hear about the loss of your unborn baby through miscarriage. Your current feeling of "reclusiveness" is not that uncommon amongst mothers who lost their babies.
Grief is not the only emotion associated with miscarriages. Other typical emotions reported by woman who have lost a pregnancy include depression, loneliness and isolation. Although these feelings are perfectly normal, sometimes it takes an outside help to bring you back to your normal cheerful self.
In addition to you having your mind preoccupied with "happy thoughts", you might also need to contact a local support group and talk to them about your own conditions now.
Please read up on these articles I found on the web for you:
Dealing Emotionally with Miscarriage http://www.womens-health.co.uk/miscarr.htm
Miscarriage Association http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/pregnancyandfamily/support_groups/006163.htm
Miscarriage http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23068791/
Dealing with Miscarriage and Still Birth http://www.babyandpregnancy.co.uk/DealingWithMiscarriageAndStillBirth.html
The Miscarriage Association http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ma2006/support/help.htm
Getting Over a Miscarriage http://www.aboutoperations.co.uk/getting-over-a-miscarriage.html
Good luck and hugs to you.
Cat
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): Hi, I am so sorry you lost your son. I have three children and I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I think you went back to work too soon, especially doing the job you do. You need more time to come to terms with what happened to you both and although trying to move on sooner rather than later may have seemed like the best thing to do, I think you should slow down and take more time off to deal with it. I can understand why you want to try for another baby, really I can, but I think you need to overcome your grief first. That maybe why your partner does not want to have another baby yet. Do you still have all of the baby things you bought? This might sound harsh, but when you feel ready give them to a charity shop (keeping a few to remind you of your son) as having them around will only remind you of what you have lost. Doing this may help you move on in a positive way. You need to get to a point where you can remember him but not be overcome with sadness all of the time. I know this is easier said than done, but you need to, in your own time. Once you accept fully what has happened and start to overcome your grief then I think that is the time to plan for a baby again. It's so easy when something terrible happens for a relationship to suffer, so make sure you and your fiance talk things through properly and explain how you feel to eachother. I hope I have helped you, and I wish you love and luck for the future, XXXX
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 My heartfelt condolences to you and your fiance. That must be a terrible ordeal to have to go through. Your fiance is right - it's too soon. As difficult as it is, you need to forget (well, never completely, especially if you already had a named picked out) and move on. This depression is only going to make things worse. Get out of the house, take a walk and get some fresh air, rejuvinate yourself; mind and body. I admit, working at a nursery is definitely not the best job to have after something like that happens. You mentioned it's your "fiance" - if you guys have set a date already, get your mind going to the wonders of marriage: planning, etc. A wedding is always a joyous occasion and will, for the meantime, get your mind off this.Good luck :)
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